Eat the Rich (Plastic Man 3)

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Are you ready? Yeah. Are you with it? Yeah. [00:00:02] Speaker B: Okay, let's go. [00:00:04] Speaker A: You know what to do. [00:00:05] Speaker B: The whole world's watching and counting on you. [00:00:08] Speaker A: And all you people listening out there. Everybody everywhere. [00:00:13] Speaker B: Hang on, hang on, hang on. Welcome to Checkered Past, a loving postmodern examination of the. Go. Go. Check. Branded comic magazines published by DC Comics between February 1966 and August 1967. I'm Dr. Bob, and each week I'll be your guide on this trippy tour through 535 mid century masterpieces of graphic noveldom. This Week, Plastic Man 3. Cover date March, April 1967. Cover price, 12 cents. Cover artist, Joe Orlando. Edited by Murray Boltanoff. Featuring the biggest wheel in town. Written by Arnold Drake. Art by Jay Winslow Mortimer. Are you ready? Are you with it? Then away we go. Go. [00:00:59] Speaker C: If you're walking in the shadows then it's time that you get wise. I just forget about your troubles and open up your eyes. When you wear a smile the world will shout hooray. You gotta turn on the sunshine. You're gonna push the blues away. [00:01:27] Speaker B: Plastic man crashes a party aboard a yacht in order to see Michelin Dilute the Third. The party is interrupted when the Duke of Wheelington stakes a claim to the ship's steering wheel. And in fact, every wheel in the world. Wheelington claims that his ancestor Ergley the Ugly invented the wheel in the Stone Age, so he owns the patent rights. Confused? Don't worry, I'll be right back with doctor Husband to explain everything. [00:01:57] Speaker A: I left my sweetheart a long time ago. She cried and she pleaded and begged me not to go. We had a quarrel, I started in to roam. Big wheels, big wheels carry me home. Oh, big wheels are rolling. [00:02:15] Speaker B: Carry me back. [00:02:16] Speaker A: I know my baby's waiting down by the river. I can see old drivers I hear whistle moan. Big wheels, big wheels carry me home. [00:02:28] Speaker B: Mr. Bojangles, Mr. Bojangles. I was reminded today of the Saturday Night Live skit where Natalie Cole sings with all her dad's dead old friends. Dead friends? [00:02:42] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:02:43] Speaker B: And the way Ellen Cleghorn says Mr. Bojangles, it's made me giggle all day long. You can look it up. It's on YouTube, audio only. [00:02:56] Speaker A: It's fantastic. [00:02:57] Speaker B: But you can find it if you dig deep enough. [00:02:59] Speaker A: Yeah, look up Saturday Night Live. Natalie cold sings with all her dad's dead friends. [00:03:06] Speaker B: That's what I did. And I found a YouTube video which is just audio only. [00:03:09] Speaker A: And I digging dozens of times. [00:03:11] Speaker B: So have I. But they have not put it on YouTube. [00:03:14] Speaker A: Oh my. [00:03:14] Speaker B: I know What's a fella got to do to find something entertaining? [00:03:19] Speaker A: That was from the 80s, probably 87. [00:03:21] Speaker B: Probably, yes. [00:03:22] Speaker A: The best. So, I mean, actually we've had some great years since then, but those were great years. [00:03:27] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:03:28] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey. [00:03:29] Speaker B: Oh, hi. How you doing? Well, great. Yeah. You look great. [00:03:34] Speaker A: I love that color on you. [00:03:35] Speaker B: I'm wearing a Robin branded hoodie as in Batman and. [00:03:42] Speaker A: Mm. [00:03:43] Speaker B: All the kids love it at school. Do they? Sure. [00:03:46] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:03:48] Speaker B: I'm leaving town. As you know, it's a sad day for us all. [00:03:52] Speaker A: I'm very sad. [00:03:53] Speaker B: But hey, listener, if you happen to be in Helena, Montana, Halloween weekend, come on out, hear me sing songs about death. [00:04:01] Speaker A: Is that true? [00:04:02] Speaker B: Well, yes, it's All Souls weekend, so. [00:04:04] Speaker A: Okay. Yeah, yeah. [00:04:06] Speaker B: That's what we're celebrating. Not these pagan rituals that the lefty loonies make us celebrate. [00:04:13] Speaker A: When are you dropping this? Before the weekend? [00:04:15] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:04:15] Speaker A: Oh, cool. So then, then if you happen to be in town and you want to hear something different here locally, this is. [00:04:22] Speaker B: The Eastern panhandle of West Virginia. [00:04:24] Speaker A: In Shepherdston, Trinity Episcopal Church is going to have a choral evensong on Sunday at five for All Souls. [00:04:35] Speaker B: Sunday, November 2nd. [00:04:37] Speaker A: Yes, Sunday, November 2nd at five, so. And I'll be singing in that. [00:04:40] Speaker B: Well, I'll wish you luck from across the country. [00:04:42] Speaker A: I'll miss you while you're gone. [00:04:44] Speaker B: Well, I'll be back. Or I won't. If the air flight controllers go off the job. [00:04:49] Speaker A: Oh God, that's a possibility. [00:04:52] Speaker B: I know. [00:04:53] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:53] Speaker B: Don't think I haven't considered it. [00:04:55] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:04:57] Speaker B: It'll all work out. Or it won't. As my mother would say, while we're. [00:05:00] Speaker A: In that time of year where it gets dark, you know, the days are shorter and continue to get shorter. [00:05:05] Speaker B: I have a bone to pick with America. [00:05:08] Speaker A: What? [00:05:09] Speaker B: When I was a child, they turned the time back on Columbus Day weekend and then you had time to get used to it and now they wait till after Halloween because of Big Candy lobbied for it and now it's already getting dark at 5 o' clock and then they drop daylight savings and what do you know? Yeah, it's always dark. [00:05:31] Speaker A: Yeah. So sundown tonight was at. Let me see. Because I had to. I came home and went for a walk and I was like, oh my God, I've got to get in the road. And I wore my reflective thing with my little vest, my lights, because I knew that I was going to be getting home. Just as it went dark. Sunset was at 6:12. So as of after the next Weekend. It'll get dark at five. [00:05:55] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. Oh, Butler, the dog just farted. Listener. It's really bad. [00:06:01] Speaker A: Yeah. I've got to change his diet. I think it's so. Yeah, it's bad. [00:06:08] Speaker B: Where were we? Complaining about the government. [00:06:10] Speaker A: We're complaining about the daylight savings time changing. I'm not happy about that. This is the time of year when I get up in the morning. I get up about an hour before you do. Right. And I turn on all the lights downstairs. All the big lights, not the lamps, but I just turn, you know, all the light switches on because I need. I need light. I need like. And I'm old, so I don't, you know. Right. But I do. Like, this is the time of year and I just turn everything on. And then if I have time, I will take a little bit time in the morning. I do, like, one thing. [00:06:42] Speaker B: What? [00:06:44] Speaker A: I love watching the sun come up this time of year. [00:06:47] Speaker B: It's beautiful. [00:06:48] Speaker A: And I take the dogs for a walk and. And I'll see the sun come up. And then if I have time, I'll sit out for a few minutes on the front porch because, you know, our front porch faces east and just let the light sort of warm me a little bit. [00:07:00] Speaker B: Why don't you get one of those sun lamps? [00:07:04] Speaker A: I've been thinking about a light for my work or something that. Just something that. [00:07:09] Speaker B: One of those mood enhancing lights like they have in Sweden. What's going on now? [00:07:14] Speaker A: There's somebody creeping by in their car in the front. [00:07:19] Speaker B: Yeah. So I'm not a fan. Also, I got spoiled because I grew up on the west side of the eastern time zone and so it was always lighter later. [00:07:27] Speaker A: Yes. Yeah. Five hours driving. Five, six hours driving distance from where we are right now. [00:07:31] Speaker B: Everything was better in my childhood is what I'm saying. Including comic books. [00:07:36] Speaker A: Mmm. Okay. Right. Well, yes, when. Speaking of comic books, we've got a Plasticman today. [00:07:42] Speaker B: Plasticman. It's new, it's fun tastic, and it's Plasticman number three. I love the cityscape on the COVID Yeah, it's fantastic. Not elastic or plastic, but fantastic on the COVID Plasticman. [00:08:00] Speaker A: Well, let's see. There's a. There's a fire in a building and Plasticman has made himself into a ladder for. [00:08:08] Speaker B: For what? [00:08:09] Speaker A: What's the girl's name? [00:08:10] Speaker B: Michelin Dilute. [00:08:11] Speaker A: Michelin Dilute. I never would have remembered that. I should have written that. [00:08:15] Speaker B: She's a buxom gal. [00:08:17] Speaker A: Because the building's on fire. [00:08:18] Speaker B: Yes. [00:08:19] Speaker A: And he's being fired upon. By an evil villain. [00:08:22] Speaker B: Yes, but I don't remember if this. [00:08:24] Speaker A: Guy even appears in this. [00:08:25] Speaker B: He does. It's a. Well, I don't want to spoil the ending. [00:08:28] Speaker A: All right, all right. [00:08:31] Speaker B: Cover by Joe Orlando. I guess we'll have to credit him with the futuristic cityscape. Are you ready? [00:08:40] Speaker A: I'm with it. [00:08:41] Speaker B: All right. What invention is most basic to civilized man's existence? No, not the zip top soda can. Sorry, it's not the electronic yo yo either. Who said girls? Not me. You I'll talk to later. But as for the rest of you, read on and learn something from the biggest wheel in town. Now this era of Plastic man. He's got lots of hanger on friends whose names I can't remember. I'm astonished that I remembered Michelin's name. His girlfriend, I guess. But it's dusk in the great city, as pictured on the COVID as Plasticman and his pal Gordon K. Trueblood. That's Gordon K. Trueblood. They give us his name here. Luckily, or I'd never remember. Race along the piers we learned that Michelin Dilutes ship is not due to dock till dawn. She's rich you see. And her mother hates Plastic Man. [00:09:54] Speaker A: She does. [00:09:55] Speaker B: But it seems that the harbor pilot boat is going out to meet the yacht. And Plasticman thinks to surprise Michelin. But they're too late. The pilot boat just left the pier. [00:10:08] Speaker A: But Plasticman has a solution. He quickly stretches his arms out to the pilot boat and then makes a giant set of surf skis with his feet and tells Gordon Gordon to jump on. [00:10:25] Speaker B: Hop on, Gordy. [00:10:27] Speaker A: And they surf behind the boat and. [00:10:31] Speaker B: Aboard the pilot boat. The captain realizes something is holding them back. And he tells his dim witted stooge, who's also his nephew Melvin, that to check out what's going on. Melvin assumes that he forgot to untie the line when they left the pier. So he gets an axe and chops Plastic Man's arms off. The end. No. Plastic man sees the trouble coming and he then stretches his nose. That's his nose that he's turned into a boat propeller. How would that work exactly? [00:11:18] Speaker A: I don't know. How does it make it spin? [00:11:24] Speaker B: Well, the same way that the Flash makes his arm spin to make a tornado. [00:11:28] Speaker A: I was wondering how you would answer that. And I was gonna answer it with a flash. [00:11:31] Speaker B: Oh, okay. Well, Samantha can twitch her nose. It's the same principle. I'm bewitched. [00:11:38] Speaker A: Yeah, I guess it's not gonna. Maybe he creates a plastic hinge. [00:11:41] Speaker B: Who knows he can turn his body into anything. That's the difference between him and Elongated Man. Elongated man could just stretch. Plastic man can actually transform his body into different things. Some people say that he's the God Dionysus. [00:11:58] Speaker A: Really? [00:11:58] Speaker B: In disguise. Well, not some people. Grant Morrison said that. [00:12:03] Speaker A: Oh, did he? [00:12:03] Speaker B: Yeah. Meanwhile, aboard the SS Maldemare. Translate that for us, Dr. Husband, bad sea. Uh huh. Michelin's mother is holding a ball for her. But Michelin is sad because her bell only rings for plastic men. [00:12:27] Speaker A: That peasant. I spend $100,000 on this little trip to help you forget him. Just look at all the wonderful men who've been rushing here to take Rupert there. [00:12:36] Speaker B: Ye who take him? All right. Rupert is a snively nosed Kennedy boy. [00:12:45] Speaker A: A what? Kennedy boy. [00:12:47] Speaker B: Yeah. He is horse faced like the Kennedys. His mother is bossing him around. [00:12:53] Speaker A: She looks like a prune with legs. [00:12:56] Speaker B: Yes. [00:12:57] Speaker A: Doesn't she? [00:12:57] Speaker B: Yes. Crucial clue here. Rupert is afraid of girls. So I think I've got him figured out pretty well already. He's also tied his shoes together so he can't walk across the room. And afraid of girl's overbearing mother. Yes. Rupert's got a secret which we won't learn in this issue. No, but if you read between the. [00:13:27] Speaker A: Lines, yes, one will know. So the mother says, forget about that, Rupert. [00:13:34] Speaker B: We'll have a look. [00:13:35] Speaker A: Look at the wonderful Haverford Sluice. Now, there's a man. Polo player, rifle champion, skin diver and. [00:13:44] Speaker B: General bum about town. Do you suppose Michelin talks like little glory in Auntie Mame? [00:13:51] Speaker A: Yes. Ooh. I can't tell you how pleased I am to make your acquaintance. [00:13:57] Speaker B: All right. Haverford Sluice has sent a bottle of champagne to Ms. Dulut's cabin. [00:14:03] Speaker A: Mm. [00:14:05] Speaker B: But apparently he's in arrears. He already owes three champagnes, four orchids. [00:14:11] Speaker A: And five shoe shines. [00:14:14] Speaker B: All right. It seems this cat is out of money. He wants Michelin for her money. [00:14:19] Speaker A: He's borrowing on like Lord Grantham. Oh, dear. [00:14:23] Speaker B: Trying to get a wife to get her fortune. Mm. All right. He's already given this waiter his watch, his tie pin and his silver cufflinks. He has nothing left except his gold belt buckle, which the waiter gladly takes. Rupert will like the sound of that. All right. The mother admits that Haverford Sluis isn't the right one either. But surely, Michelin, you must admit that the Duke of Wheelington is something else. [00:14:55] Speaker A: Something else is right. I'm not sure of what. [00:14:59] Speaker B: Now, this Duke of Wheelington is an elderly gentleman. He's got no Hair on his head, a handlebar mustache, buck teeth and a monocle. So back up, ladies. [00:15:14] Speaker A: Back up, please. [00:15:16] Speaker B: Do you know what else I thought of recently? [00:15:18] Speaker A: What? [00:15:19] Speaker B: Do you remember about 35 years ago when we were at Chipotle in College Park, Maryland? [00:15:26] Speaker A: Okay, that's an exaggeration, because that wasn't 35 years ago. [00:15:29] Speaker B: But it was 25. [00:15:30] Speaker A: 25 years ago. [00:15:32] Speaker B: And we were in line, and a young man rolled in on his skateboard. [00:15:37] Speaker A: Yes. [00:15:38] Speaker B: Ditched to the front of the line. [00:15:40] Speaker A: Yes. [00:15:40] Speaker B: Kicked up his skateboard and said, sorry, ladies, I'm taken. [00:15:46] Speaker A: I remember that. We thought that was so funny. [00:15:50] Speaker B: I wonder where that young man is now. He's probably a politician or an investment banker. [00:15:56] Speaker A: Oh, that was so funny, wasn't it? [00:15:57] Speaker B: Yes. God love him. [00:15:59] Speaker A: He was so cocksure. [00:16:01] Speaker B: I don't even remember what he ordered. I was so. [00:16:04] Speaker A: We'd laughed. [00:16:05] Speaker B: I know. [00:16:07] Speaker A: And he wasn't. He was just like. He just came in riding his skateboard, popped it up and said, sorry, ladies, I'm taken. I'll have this. We both were like, that's the funniest. [00:16:17] Speaker B: Thing we'd ever seen. [00:16:18] Speaker A: Life in a college town. [00:16:21] Speaker B: Gee, I haven't eaten Chipotle in two years. [00:16:24] Speaker A: Oh, my God. I don't think I keep whole thing down. [00:16:26] Speaker B: No, not with my new calorie counting plan. That'd be like 1500 calories for a burrito, easily. [00:16:35] Speaker A: Yeah, that's, like all I eat in a day. [00:16:37] Speaker B: I know. [00:16:38] Speaker A: I mean, that's not true, but just almost. [00:16:43] Speaker B: Almost. All right, I've already forgotten this fellow's name. Duke of Wheelington. [00:16:50] Speaker A: Swath Buckler. What? I have no idea. Wheelington. I've got to remember this. Okay. [00:16:56] Speaker B: The girl's name is Michelin. Michelin Wheelington. You see the pattern? You see it? He's got a stooge that is beating up on the waiter because the waiter didn't bring the correct champagne. [00:17:09] Speaker A: Right. And the waiter is clearly sorry. The stooge is clearly Italian. [00:17:14] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:17:14] Speaker A: He's like an Italian boxer. He says, da wine and dat instead of that. And the. [00:17:22] Speaker B: He's also extremely stupid. [00:17:24] Speaker A: Mm. [00:17:26] Speaker B: All right, we have a comical scene where the waiter gets beaten to a pulp. And then the Duke of wheelington approaches Ms. Dulut wanting to dance, and she. [00:17:39] Speaker A: Says, I can't think of anything I'd rather do except maybe die. [00:17:43] Speaker B: Ha, ha, ha. Plastic men arrives with a fish tucked into his pocket. [00:17:49] Speaker A: Into his chest pocket or something. [00:17:51] Speaker B: Jerkin. What do we call this top that he's got on? [00:17:54] Speaker A: That Jerkin. Seems Good. [00:17:57] Speaker B: Open to the navel, of course, because that's how all the manly men do it. She's very glad to see him. She's going to dance with him. The Duke of Wheelington reminds him that this dance is by invitation only and he's going to get bustled out if he doesn't have one. [00:18:20] Speaker A: Well, he quickly behind his back, scratches an invitation with his fingers. I don't with scratching it on paper, I guess. [00:18:26] Speaker B: No, onto his other hand, he turns his hand into a piece of paper and scratches the invitation on it and. [00:18:32] Speaker A: Then gives it to the man who is controlling the room entry. [00:18:37] Speaker B: Yes. [00:18:38] Speaker A: And says, here you are, my invitation. [00:18:40] Speaker B: And then sets out on a jolly fox trot with Michelin. [00:18:44] Speaker A: Mm. [00:18:46] Speaker B: Well, the Duke of Wheelington can't be bothered to continue with this. He's got to get up to the bridge, which. [00:18:53] Speaker A: The premise of this story is ridiculous. Is this what all Plasticman adventures are like? [00:19:01] Speaker B: Uh, at this time? Yes. [00:19:04] Speaker A: I mean we've been, we've had some pretty crazy stories, but the conflict in the story is unbelievable. [00:19:13] Speaker B: Well, now this. In hindsight we learn that this story is taking place on Earth 12, which is the same Earth as the inferior five and Jerry Lewis and Bob Hope. Okay, that makes sense. [00:19:28] Speaker A: Okay. [00:19:30] Speaker B: Now Plastic man was historically more light hearted, but usually a little more intelligently presented. Now, the Duke of Wheelington has gone to the bridge to inform the captain that he cannot steer the boat anymore because the Duke of Wheelington owns the wheel. [00:19:52] Speaker A: This steering wheel, sir? [00:19:54] Speaker B: Yes, this very wheel. And not only that particular wheel, but all wheels. You see, sir, I am the legitimate recipient of the international patent for the wheel. Wha. [00:20:10] Speaker A: Wha. [00:20:10] Speaker B: Whaat. [00:20:11] Speaker A: That's crazy. [00:20:13] Speaker B: How's that for a story premise? And wait till you see what lies ahead. You might say this yarn has wheels within wheels. All right, somebody radios the shore. It says that the company's attorneys say they have to check it out, which will take about 72 hours. Which means the ship has to sit there anchored for three days. [00:20:39] Speaker A: Right. [00:20:39] Speaker B: And the captain goes to tell the passengers, but he's forbidden from using the elevator because it's operated by hundreds of wheels. Alright. The captain finally gets to the passengers, informs them that they can't land without steering and they can't steer without a wheel which is owned by the Duke of Wheelington. And Plastic man says that's nonsense. You can land without a steering wheel. And the reason is the Plastic Man's going to turn himself into a rudder and steer them back to shore. And also turn himself into A sail. [00:21:22] Speaker A: That's what he does. [00:21:24] Speaker B: It's an expert piece of navigation. [00:21:26] Speaker A: Interesting thing there at the top left. Having myself worked on a cruise ship. Yes, the captain says, well done, Plasticman. An expert piece of navigation. But the delay has cost us three hours and a fortune in forfeited freight contracts. Yes, this is before Plasticman forms a sail and sails them into the shore. [00:21:45] Speaker B: Right. [00:21:47] Speaker A: A cruise ship is not going to be able to carry enough freight on it to warrant its use as a freight vessel. [00:21:58] Speaker B: Well, excuse me. [00:22:01] Speaker A: A freight vessel needs to be able to have a hollow hull that allows them to put the freight inside and then they also carry freight on top on the deck. [00:22:11] Speaker B: Yes, and big stacks of trailer truck containers. I've seen it. I used to live by the docks. [00:22:17] Speaker A: But now that we're in Earth 12, I'm sure this is all just fine. [00:22:20] Speaker B: They have. Yes, Earth 12 has many multi use. [00:22:25] Speaker A: Columbus has docks. Like where they load freight. [00:22:28] Speaker B: No, I was thinking of Jacksonville. [00:22:29] Speaker A: Oh, Jacksonville. Oh, wasn't that interesting, watching those ships come in as giant ships. One time I went kayaking in the river. You know, the International, the Intracoastal Waterway is there. And the currents were so strong I had to stay close to the shore. But I knew when I was out there in the currents, I was like, wow, this is why these ships use these currents. This is huge. Like the strong currents were such that. And the channels were very deep. [00:22:57] Speaker B: Yes, I'm sure they were dredged down. [00:22:59] Speaker A: They were. [00:23:01] Speaker B: All right. They arrive back at the dock, the gentlemen of the press have arrived. Gordon assumes it's because they've heard that Plasticman just performed a fantastic feat and they want an interview. But they. [00:23:17] Speaker A: They want to interview the guy who owns all the wheels. Yes, the wheels. [00:23:22] Speaker B: The Duke explains that. Yes, it's true. My grandfather, 88,000 generations removed, was a caveman genius. The Ugly and Grandpa Ergley invented the wheel in 22,189 BC. I don't think the wheel was invented that early. [00:23:44] Speaker A: No, and I don't think it was invented by caveman. [00:23:47] Speaker B: Unless there was as many people theorized there was an advanced civilization on Earth prior to the younger Dryas, roughly 12,000 years ago. Now, if this was Earth One, I'd say obviously it was Atlantis where the wheel was invented. But we're not on Earth 1. So maybe on Earth 12 cavemen did invent the wheel. So I Wonder if Earth 12 has a vandal Savage because he was a super intelligent caveman who's immortal, who's still alive today. [00:24:29] Speaker A: You're kidding. [00:24:30] Speaker B: No. [00:24:31] Speaker A: What makes him immortal? [00:24:32] Speaker B: A meteorite. The same meteorite that gave immortal man his powers. We'll read about immortal man again soon. [00:24:38] Speaker A: Okay. [00:24:39] Speaker B: But of course, Vandal Savage is a villain, so. [00:24:43] Speaker A: Windermere? No. [00:24:47] Speaker B: Wheelington. [00:24:48] Speaker A: Wheelington is giving a press conference. [00:24:50] Speaker B: Yes. And it turns out he owns all wheels. Auto wheels, wagon wheels, Ferris wheels and roulette wheels. You might say I am the big wheel. All right. Now, the press naturally follows up with a question. How can you have proof of a thing that happened in 22189bc? They couldn't keep records then because they had no written language. Wrong. [00:25:18] Speaker A: Wrong. [00:25:19] Speaker B: Grandpa Ergley also invented writing here on Earth 12. [00:25:23] Speaker A: So what civilization invented written language? The ancient Indians. [00:25:30] Speaker B: I mean. [00:25:33] Speaker A: From the fertile valley of Punjab. Or the Chinese. [00:25:40] Speaker B: I'm going to look it up. [00:25:45] Speaker A: Indras. [00:25:45] Speaker B: What is it called? [00:25:46] Speaker A: What's the ancient Indian civilization called? Indras. [00:25:49] Speaker B: Writing developed independently in a handful of different locations, namely Mesopotamia and Egypt. Roughly 3200 BC. [00:25:57] Speaker A: Okay. [00:25:58] Speaker B: China, 1200 BC and Mesoamerica, one common. [00:26:03] Speaker A: Era. [00:26:05] Speaker B: Scholars mark the difference between prehistory and history with the invention of the first written language. Of course, we have lots of symbols, representation way before then. And so we don't know if that might have been a written language. It just hasn't correlated with any kind of spoken language that we know of. Does that answer your question? Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:26:33] Speaker A: So the oldest. They believe the oldest written language was 3000 B.C. [00:26:40] Speaker B: Mesopotamia. [00:26:41] Speaker A: Mesopotamia. Mesopotamia. Okay. [00:26:47] Speaker B: But I would argue that we just don't know. Yes. There was also the Indus Valley, the Indus B script, which has never been deciphered yet. That would have been in India. [00:26:59] Speaker A: Yes. Yeah. And that's where Hinduism was born. [00:27:03] Speaker B: Yes. [00:27:04] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:05] Speaker B: We've never finished that movie. [00:27:06] Speaker A: Five Rivers that Converge There. [00:27:09] Speaker B: We never finished that movie. Mohenjo Daro. [00:27:11] Speaker A: We haven't. [00:27:12] Speaker B: Hrithik Roshan, your favorite. [00:27:14] Speaker A: Oh, we should. [00:27:16] Speaker B: I know. All right. [00:27:20] Speaker A: I learned all about. Or rather I should say I taught all about the Bahagran dance form to my Intro to Music class. [00:27:27] Speaker B: Did you demonstrate it for them? [00:27:28] Speaker A: No. We watched videos and I did play a little bit of Lagan for them. [00:27:32] Speaker B: That's my favorite Bollywood movie. [00:27:34] Speaker A: Love that movie. [00:27:35] Speaker B: It's probably the only one I've seen all the way through, but nonetheless, it's my favorite. All right. Michelin thinks this is dreadful, that he's got a patent on the wheel. Plastic man has no doubt that the government lawyers will have no trouble stopping him. A porter comes to get Michelin's bags, but he's knocked off by this goon of the Duke's because he's using a hand cart which has wheels. He's not allowed to use it. Yeah, all the passengers have to carry their own luggage. It turns out the Duke has licensed use of every wheel. 5 bucks per wheel per use. It's another billionaire taking advantage of the middle class. [00:28:22] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:28:25] Speaker B: None of this luggage can be unloaded without paying blackmail. Plasticman says it's even worse than that. There's 500 pounds of beluga caviar in the ship's hold. So you see, it was carrying freight. [00:28:37] Speaker A: Yeah, but it only carries enough freight to feed the passengers for a certain period of time. [00:28:42] Speaker B: It has to be 500 pounds of caviar. That's a lot of caviar. [00:28:46] Speaker A: Five pounds of caviar would fit in a stack in this room. [00:28:50] Speaker B: But we wouldn't eat it all. [00:28:52] Speaker A: No, not in our whole lifetime. [00:28:54] Speaker B: Alright. Plastic man helps out by making himself into a luggage ramp off the ship. And they unload the luggage. [00:29:02] Speaker A: Thank God for Plasticman. [00:29:03] Speaker B: Well, he's a scab because he's not union. The dock workers are salty about it. [00:29:08] Speaker A: Yeah, well, there's that. Right? [00:29:12] Speaker B: Yes. [00:29:13] Speaker A: Three hours later in Washington. [00:29:14] Speaker B: Washington D.C. that's the District of Columbia to you and me. Plastic man is late for an emergency meeting with the Secretary of. I don't know, Secretary of Commerce. Who would be meeting with Plasticman. The President has asked for an immediate plan on handling this wheel problem. And the first person they call is Plastic Man. Naturally. Because who else are they going to call? Unearth 12. Bob Hope. Super hip. Plastic Man's there, though. Turns out he's turned himself into the hot phone hotline. [00:29:51] Speaker A: He's been there all along. Yes. [00:29:54] Speaker B: All right. The Duke of Wheelington is now demanding 10 cents a year rental for every wheel, which doesn't sound unreasonable, but it's estimated that there are 20,000 billion wheels in the world at 10 cents apiece. He wants $2 trillion. [00:30:14] Speaker A: Good. [00:30:15] Speaker B: Our legal people advise us to pay his demands for all emergency vehicles, fire, police and military. And discontinue using all other wheels until we can fight this thing in court. Well, I've got some bad news for you. [00:30:29] Speaker A: What? [00:30:30] Speaker B: He's Duke of Wheelington has bought the Supreme Court. He's bound to win. [00:30:34] Speaker A: Oh, hell yes. [00:30:35] Speaker B: Yeah, what can I do? Says Plasticman. Well, you can use your extraordinary talents. For instance, stretching your ear up to the Hotel au Porto's window where the Duke of Wheelington is making his plans and looking at his family tree. [00:30:56] Speaker A: See if you can gain some information. [00:30:58] Speaker B: Yes. [00:30:59] Speaker A: So there's the Duke of Wheelington going through a chart showing his family tree. Yes, he said I was prepared. It was prepared by the world's greatest genealogist, Professor Sham. Mm mm. Sham, as in everything's a sham. [00:31:12] Speaker B: Yeah, I got it. [00:31:13] Speaker A: He tells Diablo, his henchman, to get rid of his cigar. And then when Diablo doesn't pay attention to him, Wheelington chucks the cigar right out of the window and into Plasticman's. [00:31:26] Speaker B: Ear, which is stretched up from the ground. The henchman realizes it's Plasticman, he grabs the ear, shouts into it, and then Plasticman does something very interesting. He turns his ear into a mouth with teeth and bites and bites the henchman's nose. And then stretches up and punches him. And then stretches up into the window. [00:31:53] Speaker A: Why are you putting H's where they don't? [00:31:55] Speaker B: Because this is the Duke of Wheelington's window. And he's going to draw his sword. Sword. [00:32:02] Speaker A: Sword. [00:32:04] Speaker B: Sword. And skewer Plasticman. Well, that never works. Plasticman's made of plastic. [00:32:11] Speaker A: Yes. He just absorbs the impact and directs the sword right back into the Duke of Wheelington's chest. And then two of Duke of Wheelington's toadies try to attack Plasticman. [00:32:22] Speaker B: Yes. [00:32:23] Speaker A: And Plasticman rolls around and knocks him over. And then they start throwing things at him. And he catches them in his ever expanding mouth. [00:32:29] Speaker B: Yes. [00:32:30] Speaker A: And then expels them at the henchmen all of one time. [00:32:35] Speaker B: I have a very favorite panel of Plasticmen. I can't remember the issue. It's Brave and the Bold, number 150something. We guested on the Brave and the Bob with Billy and talked about this issue. And it's where Plasticman is. Plasticman and Batman are stopping some Christmas thieves. And there's fake snow because they're in Florida. And Plasticman makes a funnel out of the top of his head to suck in the fake snow. And then he blows it out his mouth. It's the greatest thing I've ever seen. [00:33:18] Speaker A: All right. I don't remember that. Well, I thought you were going to see a plastic man turn himself into a vacuum cleaner. [00:33:24] Speaker B: Well, essentially uses a vacuum cleaner in reverse. Yes, like a shop vac with no water. All right. Now, the Duke is very angry that Plasticman has disabled his henchmen. [00:33:45] Speaker A: And he says, if you. If you had one ounce of sympathy. No, if I had one ounce of sympathy for the world, you've dissolved it all. I'll show them no mercy. So then everybody has to pay a toll. [00:33:59] Speaker B: Who's using the car. And then 10 cents per wheel. [00:34:02] Speaker A: Everybody learns that. They all start blaming Plastic man, which I think is. Come on, are you kidding me? [00:34:07] Speaker B: Really? Because the Duke controls the media. That's why even little children on their tricycles are being forced to pay 10 cents per wheel. This would not be the right year for Plaz to run for president. No, but read on. [00:34:29] Speaker A: Here we go. All right. [00:34:31] Speaker B: The townspeople have made the best of their situation. They've got pogo sticks. They've got this woman walking upon a yoga ball. I think that should count as a wheel. [00:34:44] Speaker A: I think so, too. There's another man who's ambulating around in a balloon. [00:34:50] Speaker B: Yes. Lots of graffiti on the walls. Down with Plasticmen. [00:34:56] Speaker A: Kill Plasticmen. [00:34:59] Speaker B: Meanwhile, the elites who can afford to pay the tax are driving through town getting pelted with tomatoes, which, of course, has put a run on tomato sales. And so tomato prices have gone up, up, up. Eating tomatoes are only 25 cents a pound, but throwing tomatoes are 50 cents a pound because they're specially processed not to leave fingerprints. Indeed, because the government is 100% tracking anyone who's going against Duke of Wheelington. [00:35:29] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, that never happens on Earth. [00:35:33] Speaker B: Inside a limousine traveling across town, it's Mrs. Duluth cursing about the peasants. I did not expect this issue to be so prescient about our current global situation. [00:35:48] Speaker A: Neither did I. [00:35:49] Speaker B: But here she is complaining about the peasants just because we're rich enough to afford four wheels. Tell the chauffeur to run them over. [00:36:01] Speaker A: Run over everybody who's in the house. [00:36:03] Speaker B: Run over the people in the streets. [00:36:04] Speaker A: Yeah, people in the streets. [00:36:06] Speaker B: Well, this butler can do better than that. He's got a submachine gun and guard. He's gonna shoot them down dead. Plasticman's there. He absorbs the bullets because, of course, he hates Mrs. Duluth. [00:36:23] Speaker A: And the guy who's got the machine gun is firing at the people that are throwing tomatoes. [00:36:27] Speaker B: Yes. Plasticman saves them and what? [00:36:29] Speaker A: So the people are protesting by throwing tomatoes? [00:36:32] Speaker B: They're protesting their riches. [00:36:33] Speaker A: And the people are responding by firing weapons at them. [00:36:37] Speaker B: Yes. [00:36:37] Speaker A: That never happens. [00:36:39] Speaker B: No. And after Plasticman saves them, they throw the tomatoes at him. Yeah, that's because he's the one that made the Duke of Helington angry. All right. Plasticman makes a quick escape. And in the days that follow, poor Michelin. Poor Michelin Plasticman has vanished. She doesn't care if he's the biggest goof up in town. She still loves him. Well, her mother's heart bleeds for her, though. I never liked Plasticman. I always felt a certain. What is the word? Hatred. That's the word. [00:37:22] Speaker A: But you must be practical, Michelin. Plastic men may never return. And you're so young and so beautiful. [00:37:29] Speaker B: That's true, Mumsy. [00:37:30] Speaker A: Ah, I'm glad you're being reasonable. Just a moment. I've someone waiting to see you. All right, Duke, she's all set up for you. But I want the terms of our deal clear. If you marry my daughter, I get all my wheels free of charge. [00:37:45] Speaker B: This is like that terrible mother in the Umbrellas of Cherbourg who set up her daughter with the rich men. And she loved the poor soldier boy. The soldier boy had to go away to war and she felt forced to marry the richman. And then years later, she's pulling into a gas station and who do you think owns the gas station? [00:38:01] Speaker A: The poor boy. [00:38:02] Speaker B: The poor soldier boy. And she's got a child. And it's his. Spoiler alert. But you should watch the Umbrellas with Cherbourg if you've never seen it. Would you like me to sing the theme song? [00:38:13] Speaker A: Go ahead. [00:38:13] Speaker B: If I wait forever, I will wait for you. It's in French. All right. Now she gets all her cars for free, including three limousines, four sedans, two station wagons and a lawnmower. He agrees that she will get all those things for free. And she says, then take my daughter, please, with my blessings. [00:38:42] Speaker A: And she does a royal court bow. [00:38:44] Speaker B: Yes, she does. [00:38:45] Speaker A: We learned that, didn't we? [00:38:46] Speaker B: We did in History of Dance. All right. They go out riding in the open air limousine, the Duke and Michelin. And the populace is cheering them. You see how fickle they are? Well, she thinks they're coerced because they have to cheer. [00:39:04] Speaker A: Because if they don't, they're all antifa. They were paid by George Soros. George Soros. [00:39:13] Speaker B: It's so funny. You'd never see anyone bow to power these days just to get in someone's good graces. [00:39:21] Speaker A: Not in a democracy. No. [00:39:23] Speaker B: It's crazy talk. The imagination of these writers. All right, they're going to be married soon. They're going to live in his hometown, Wheelington, West Virginia. [00:39:41] Speaker A: Now, if you're not familiar with West Virginia, there's a place called Wheeling. [00:39:44] Speaker B: Wheeling, West Virginia. And no rich people live there, nor would they want to. All right, they stop at City hall because the mayor has prepared a contract for the Duke of Wheelington to sign for $200 million. And Michelin suggests that while they're there they can look over the building in case he wants to move in next year. The entire police force has turned out like the. [00:40:15] Speaker A: Wasn't that interesting? Like a police force. Guards have turned out because the rich man wants them to. [00:40:24] Speaker B: Yeah, that doesn't happen in a democracy. No. There's one policeman who tries to raise an objection. Say we should have fought this foreigner. And a foreigner coming into America and making rules about things. That's so funny. The police are ordered to roll out the red carpet. Turns out the red carpet is Plasticman. [00:40:51] Speaker A: Oh, no. [00:40:52] Speaker B: Hurrah. The flexible flop. All right, the Duke is throwing some insults, but Michelin sure is glad to see him. [00:41:06] Speaker A: Mm. [00:41:07] Speaker B: I haven't been so happy to see anybody since I came to in the emergency ward at Ski Valley. I don't get that joke, but alright. The police now are attacking Plascome and they think he's in on it with the Duke. [00:41:23] Speaker A: Yeah. They're using excessive force. [00:41:25] Speaker B: Yes. [00:41:25] Speaker A: Strangling. [00:41:26] Speaker B: That's excessive force from an American police force. No, no, come on. This is fantasy. All right. Plasticman, however, has a surprise for the Duke. He's been spending his time missing in action to get on Ancestry.com and he's got some information to share. At the root of my family tree, you'll find an ancestor of mine who predates Urgly the ugly by 100 years. What? My grandfather, 88,005 generations removed. Invented man made fire. [00:42:10] Speaker A: Grizzly the Sizzly, they called him. [00:42:13] Speaker B: Well, that's very nice, says the Duke. You can collect royalty every time you find a boy scout rubbing two sticks together. [00:42:20] Speaker A: He says, I'm afraid you don't dig me, Duke. Fire Dookie Wookie is the basis of all manufacturing, so all other patents were derived from mine. This monocle, for example, is made from glass that had to first be melted by fire. [00:42:36] Speaker B: And this sword is made from steel tempered in fire. [00:42:42] Speaker A: This cloak was made on looms produced by tools that were shaped by fire. [00:42:46] Speaker B: That goes for your shirt, pants, shoes, socks. And thank you for stopping Plastic Man. No. But not only is he hairless on the top of his head, but everywhere else. Now, there's just one more thing the Plastic man needs to say. But it's meant for your ears alone, so I'll have to whisper it to your fraudship. [00:43:10] Speaker A: Oh. [00:43:10] Speaker B: He turns his lips into a giant tube, sticks it inside the Duke's ears and starts blowing. And what do you think happens? [00:43:21] Speaker A: Go on. [00:43:21] Speaker B: The Duke's head starts blowing up like a balloon. [00:43:24] Speaker A: Mm. [00:43:26] Speaker B: Turns out that his head is a mask and inside is their old friendly fiend, Dr. Dome. He's the real Duke. Dr. Dome is the recurring villain in Plastic Men. In case you're new here, Listener, a henchman pulls up in a car, tells Dr. Dome to get in. He grabs Michelin, throws her in the car and the police can't even chase him down because they don't have any cars. They had to give up all their cars. [00:44:00] Speaker A: That's stupid. [00:44:02] Speaker B: Luckily, Plasticman can turn his whole body into a wheel. [00:44:06] Speaker A: The policemen just don't want to chase him down. [00:44:08] Speaker B: No, they're lazy. Lazy policemen in the United States of America. [00:44:14] Speaker A: Oh, you don't want to make people think that we're against policemen. [00:44:16] Speaker B: We are not against the. We are absolutely for the police. [00:44:20] Speaker A: As long as they don't use excessive force on civilians. [00:44:22] Speaker B: Correct. And as long as they obey all the relevant laws. [00:44:25] Speaker A: Laws. Exactly. [00:44:27] Speaker B: All right. Plastiquin overtakes the car which has stopped at a building. Dr. Dome is dragging Michelin inside. And now we get to the COVID scene. He locks her in a top story room and sets the plays on fire. Well, Plastic man forms himself into a ladder. He's gonna stretch up and save Michelin. But just then Dr. Dome appears at a lower level window and starts firing a gun at Plasman. And the bullets are going through him because Dr. Dome has diamond tipped bullets, which I don't see why that would make a difference. [00:45:08] Speaker A: I guess they cut right through the plastic, I suppose. [00:45:12] Speaker B: Alright, Plastiman needs a new plan. First he does a super back bend. And then he turns himself into a tramapoline. And Michelin jumps, bounces off the tramapoline back up into the window where Dr. Dome is, smacks him across the face and floats gently back to the ground to deliver a kiss to her hero. [00:45:41] Speaker A: Last decament to her mother and father say, oh, that's her mother. And Gordon and Gordon say disgusting. [00:45:48] Speaker B: And that's the end. Why would Gordon think it's disgusting? [00:45:51] Speaker A: I don't know. [00:45:52] Speaker B: Is he also afraid of girls? He looks the type. [00:45:55] Speaker A: He does. [00:45:57] Speaker B: Well, that's Plasticman. This is a revival of Plasticman from 1967. Obviously Plasticman was a long running comic series in his own series as well as starring in police comics from Quality comics in the 40s. Drawn and written by the incomparable Jack Cole. Quality Comics was then acquired by DC Comics, which is how we got Blackhawk and Carmine Infantino wanted to use Plastic Men in the pages of the Flash. But he didn't realize that Plasticman was owned by dc. That's why they invented the Elongated Man. [00:46:39] Speaker A: Oh. [00:46:42] Speaker B: But then somebody remembered that they owned Plastic man. So they brought him back. [00:46:45] Speaker A: Somebody remembered. [00:46:47] Speaker B: And this is at this time in history. This is supposedly the son of the original Plasticman. [00:46:56] Speaker A: Okay. [00:46:56] Speaker B: But who's relegated now to Earth 12. I guess he doesn't really exist until it's the 70s and we get Baby Players. [00:47:08] Speaker A: What? [00:47:09] Speaker B: Baby Plaza's the best, you think? Yes. Anything to add? [00:47:17] Speaker A: I used to watch the Plasticman cartoon on Saturday morning. [00:47:20] Speaker B: Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah, that's where Baby Plaza was. [00:47:24] Speaker A: Pretty good. [00:47:24] Speaker B: Yeah, with his girlfriend, Penny. Didn't he have a dog too? Or was that that different dog, that mutt, Mouth. What was his name? He had a dog house. On his head was his mask. He was a superhero dog. [00:47:40] Speaker A: Oh, I don't remember that. [00:47:41] Speaker B: Oh, it was the same show, I think. [00:47:44] Speaker A: Okay. [00:47:44] Speaker B: Classicman Comedy Hour. Or. I'll look into it and report back next week. All right. By the way, a listener. If you remember, last week we got all the pop culture Y references. [00:47:58] Speaker A: Yes. [00:47:59] Speaker B: Except for the man from uncle. The boss of the man from UNCLE was named Ivanhoe. Whereas on the TV show he was named Waverly. [00:48:10] Speaker A: Okay. [00:48:11] Speaker B: Well, apparently, who wrote Ivanhoe now? I can't remember. [00:48:17] Speaker A: Ivanhoe. [00:48:18] Speaker B: Yes, it's a novel. Takes place in. [00:48:21] Speaker A: Robert Louis Stevenson. [00:48:22] Speaker B: No, Walter Scott. Sir Walter Scott. He also wrote a novel called Waverly. And so that was the connection. [00:48:32] Speaker A: Oh, okay. [00:48:33] Speaker B: Which. That's pretty highbrow. That is humor for the inferior. [00:48:37] Speaker A: Well done, listener. Yes. [00:48:39] Speaker B: Thanks, Dale. Anything to add? No. You can find us on social media, ogocheckpod. You can rate and review us wherever you get your podcast. You can find us on our sister podcast, Nerd Orchestra. And you can find us right back here next week with the Justice League America. That's assuming I may get back to town, what with the travel delays. [00:49:03] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. [00:49:04] Speaker B: If not, you know, we'll set it up remotely. [00:49:06] Speaker A: Oh, okay. [00:49:08] Speaker B: Do zoom. Don't worry. If I have to, I'll rent a car and drive home. 3,000 miles. [00:49:14] Speaker A: It'll take you two days. [00:49:15] Speaker B: I don't care. I love to drive. Bye. [00:49:19] Speaker A: Did you order dinner? [00:49:20] Speaker B: No. Why? [00:49:22] Speaker A: Someone pulling up to our house? [00:49:23] Speaker B: I don't know. Maybe it's Amazon. [00:49:25] Speaker A: Did you order something? [00:49:26] Speaker B: No. [00:49:27] Speaker A: I did. Yeah. [00:49:30] Speaker B: Byee. [00:49:31] Speaker C: You don't have to be a politician. You can change it all with a sin and disposition. So be happy and spread it all around. If you find yourself a frowning. Just turn it upside down. [00:49:49] Speaker A: Down. [00:49:51] Speaker C: When you wear a smile the world will shout Hooray. You gotta turn on the sunshine. You gotta give in one time. You gotta turn on the sunshine. Push those blues away, man, this dialectic's too much.