The Blind Leading the Blind (Superboy 137)

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Are you ready? Yeah. Are you with it? Yeah. [00:00:02] Speaker B: Okay, let's go. [00:00:04] Speaker A: You know what to do. [00:00:05] Speaker B: The whole world's watching and counting on you. [00:00:08] Speaker A: And all you people listening out there. Everybody everywhere. [00:00:13] Speaker B: Hang on, hang on, hang on. Welcome to Checkered Past, a loving postmodern examination of the. Go. Go. Check. Branded comic magazines published by DC Comics between February 1966 and August 1967. I'm Dr. Bob, and each week I'll be your guide on this trippy tour through 535 mid century masterpieces of graphic noveldom. This week, Superboy 137. Cover date April 1967. Cover price, 12 cents. Cover artists, Kurt Swan and George Klein. Edited by Mort Weisinger. Featuring Superboy's Blind Identity, written by E. Nelson Bridwell. Art by Al Plastino. And the mysterious Mighty Might, written by Leo Dorfman. Art by George Papp. Are you ready? Are you with it? Then away we go. [00:01:04] Speaker A: Go. [00:01:14] Speaker B: Open up your eyes Take a look [00:01:17] Speaker A: at the world around you don't you [00:01:19] Speaker B: want to lend a helping hand? [00:01:23] Speaker A: Try it on for S. [00:01:31] Speaker B: As the Kents leave Smallville on vacation, an earthquake opens a hole in the ground. The Kent's car falls into the hole before it seals itself. Superboy rescues his parents, but the accident was witnessed by a bus driver. Fearing that Clark's identity would be exposed if the Kents were to show up alive, they allow Smallville residents to believe them dead. Then the Kents find a baby on their doorstep. A note is found in the basket stating that the baby is Kitt L From Krypton. The note also warns not to feed the baby milk. The Kents soon discover that the baby does possess super strength. So Superboy decides to disregard the warning and give milk to the baby. Confused? Don't worry, I'll be right back with doctor Husband to explain everything. Oh sweet blindness A little magic a [00:02:20] Speaker A: little kindness oh, sweet blindness all over me Four years on October. I'm just a bit of a shade hung over. Come on baby, do a slow float. [00:02:35] Speaker B: You're a good looking a river boat Ain't that sweet? I find that's good to me. Well, have I ever got a surprise for you? [00:02:54] Speaker A: What? [00:02:55] Speaker B: I'm not going to complain about the weather. [00:02:58] Speaker A: I'm so glad for once. It's that one weekend of a year when you won't complain about the weather. [00:03:04] Speaker B: Well, I can't make any promises for the entire weekend. It's only Saturday. [00:03:08] Speaker A: Oh, okay. It's perfect. It's absolutely perfect. And you probably didn't notice, but we Are looking at the weather through our. What's wrong? Why are you making that face? [00:03:21] Speaker B: Nothing, I just thought there was a level issue, but apparently I'm fine. [00:03:24] Speaker A: We are looking out the window through our newly cleaned studio windows. [00:03:29] Speaker B: Who did you hire, a boy to clean? [00:03:31] Speaker A: No, I've been cleaning. I've been. Instead of doing all the spring cleaning in a day or two, I've been slowly doing the spring cleaning one thing at a time. One day a week. Like actually one room at a time. Right. So. So yes. I'm working my way through all the windows. [00:03:49] Speaker B: Okay. [00:03:49] Speaker A: So just, you know, like in the morning I just grab a bucket and do that and I clean the windowsill and then I also use. I clean the window sliding parts, you know, on the sides. Yeah, they're not called the sashes. They're called the sashes. [00:04:03] Speaker B: No, they are called slidy parts. [00:04:05] Speaker A: Okay. There's light parts and then you spray some WD40 in there after you clean [00:04:09] Speaker B: them up and it gets them so [00:04:10] Speaker A: they just open and close really easily. So there you go. So good for you for not complaining about the weather. I've got something to complain about. [00:04:18] Speaker B: What? [00:04:20] Speaker A: As you know, I started my first graduate level business course. Yes. About three weeks ago. Yes. And it's very difficult. And I had chosen to start my coursework with the hardest course in the sequence. [00:04:40] Speaker B: Well, that's makes sense. [00:04:42] Speaker A: Well, yeah, I'm not teaching right now. Yeah. I'm off for the summer. So I am taking a course, my first course in managerial accounting. [00:04:48] Speaker B: I'm already bored. [00:04:50] Speaker A: Right. Which is. I mean we all know what financial accounting is like. We've all. [00:04:53] Speaker B: I don't. [00:04:54] Speaker A: Okay, well, if you. [00:04:55] Speaker B: And I'm proud of it. [00:04:56] Speaker A: Okay. So if you've been to a board meeting, which you have. [00:04:59] Speaker B: I have not. [00:05:00] Speaker A: You have. You've been in board meetings when you used to work at a non profit. You would go to like when you work for the Florida International Festival or. [00:05:07] Speaker B: No, I didn't have. I was not in that kind of position. [00:05:11] Speaker A: Are you telling me you've never read an interview report or an audit? [00:05:15] Speaker B: What are you talking about? I would maybe take the muffins to the meeting and fill the water pitcher, but that's it. I would not stay in the meeting and I certainly wouldn't read a report. [00:05:25] Speaker A: Okay, well, I have been to lots of board meetings and I've read end of your reports and that is all the product of a process called financial accounting where you do. You look back on your year and periods within the year and you report Go on. Okay. Okay. So the course that I'm taking is called managerial accounting. And that is where you look internally at the performance of units and you look and you forecast. You see the current performance and you forecast ahead. And then you use different variables which. [00:06:06] Speaker B: Oh, sorry, this is comic books. Honk snee. Honk snee. [00:06:11] Speaker A: Yeah, that's how I feel when you and Chuck talk about anything related to comics. It sounds just the same to me. [00:06:17] Speaker B: Now, if we had a board meeting about comic books. [00:06:20] Speaker A: Anyway. [00:06:21] Speaker B: In the front row. They sit in rows in board meetings. [00:06:24] Speaker A: No, Anyway. Anyway, the. The takeaway is that I'm learning about the official way to think about things that I've been doing for years in higher education leadership. So I like that. I like. I never had a course in this sort of thing. [00:06:44] Speaker B: Right. [00:06:45] Speaker A: So that's great. The unfortunate thing and thing I have to complain about is that my particular work this week is on job costing, which it is boring. And it's say, like you're running a denim company, a jean manufacturing company. [00:07:01] Speaker B: Sure. [00:07:01] Speaker A: Who would. And you're doing Levi's 505 style, and you've got an order for a thousand pair of jeans. That order is called a job. And then there are direct costs and indirect costs associated with that and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so this is what I'm doing. Exploring how to. To put costs to that job. And then I'm almost at the end of the. Of the chapter. We just finished doing it by department. And then I have to go to the next chapter and do it by activity level. [00:07:29] Speaker B: I know. Buy low, sell high. That's my advice. [00:07:32] Speaker A: Honest to God, it's. I mean, I'm glad I started with this class because I'm sitting here thinking, why am I doing this? Why. Why didn't I do this years ago? Well, frankly, I wouldn't have been able to. To have had the time. Well, no, I. It would have been faster for me when I was younger, but I didn't have the money because I was always [00:07:49] Speaker B: paying all my student loans, supporting my comic book habit. [00:07:53] Speaker A: Yes, of course. So anyway, that's taking. I mean, there are times when I'm sitting in the other room at my desk. [00:08:00] Speaker B: Yes. [00:08:01] Speaker A: And it's beautiful outside. And like, I could be riding my motorcycle. I could be hiking on a mountain right now. I could be doing laundry. I could need anything but this. But it was my choice. And I am just. You know what? I'm just learning another lesson in adulting. [00:08:22] Speaker B: Sure. [00:08:22] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:08:23] Speaker B: I did take a business acumen course at My previous job, which I think dealt with things like that. [00:08:31] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:08:32] Speaker B: I don't know. I didn't really pay attention, and I passed anyway, so. [00:08:37] Speaker A: Oh, okay. So I got a B in my first test. [00:08:40] Speaker B: Well, a B is nothing to sneeze at. No, it's above average. [00:08:44] Speaker A: Yes. And it was granted the very first test that I took, and I was reviewing two different chapters, and I was completely feeling overwhelmed with all of the not understanding. Since then, my depth of understanding is much more comfortable. So I have another test to take. [00:09:04] Speaker B: Well, what else? We did go to see the Columbus Crew, and they did win for the first time that I've ever seen. [00:09:10] Speaker A: Did you have a good time at the match? [00:09:12] Speaker B: I did. It was pouring down rain, but we were undercover. Yes. Got to eat our fancy hot dogs and got souvenir beer cups. [00:09:21] Speaker A: But those hot dogs weren't as good as Schmidt's. [00:09:25] Speaker B: No. So this is Columbus, Ohio, Listener. And there's very famous German restaurant called Schmitz, and they have a little booth there at the soccer stadium, and they have bratwurst and sauerkraut and German potato salad and whatnot. But we opted for hot dogs this time because they had Chicago hot dogs, which I love. A Chicago hot dog. [00:09:46] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was good. Yeah. So we had a wonderful time, didn't we? [00:09:51] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:09:51] Speaker A: So nice to visit family. Great. [00:09:54] Speaker B: And then we came home and. Back to drudgery. [00:09:57] Speaker A: Back to drudgery. Oh, what did I do this week? Oh, I had a flute lesson. [00:10:01] Speaker B: Yes. [00:10:02] Speaker A: And that was going well. And, I mean, I've gotten to the point now where I don't mind picking up the flute every day and just playing something before I dreaded it. [00:10:10] Speaker B: Well, you've buried the lead. What? This morning we went to Hagerston. [00:10:15] Speaker A: Oh, yes. [00:10:15] Speaker B: A little guitar concert. And you were the guest of honor. [00:10:20] Speaker A: I. Officially. I was. But let's not let the folks. Let's not mislead the folks into thinking what sort of gathering this was. [00:10:33] Speaker B: No, it was. [00:10:33] Speaker A: This was a studio. [00:10:35] Speaker B: Yes. Teacher got all our students together, and they all just got together, played, and it was lovely. More people on stage than in the audience. [00:10:42] Speaker A: Yes. And it was lovely. And I really appreciated having an audience to play for because I'm much, much, much, much, much, much, much more confident as a singer than I am as a classical guitarist. So it's. I deal with a level of performance anxiety when I play the classical guitar, which manifests itself in these little digits that don't move with quite the dexterity that one does when one's. You Know singing. [00:11:13] Speaker B: Well, you're no Charo, but. [00:11:15] Speaker A: No, I'm no Charo. Speaking of Charro, we have been watching the Love Boat in the evening of an evening, haven't we? [00:11:21] Speaker B: Have listener, as you recall, unless you're brand new here. I recently discovered that Dr. Husband has encyclopedic knowledge of the Love Boat and I just know. So we're considering actually doing a Love Boat podcast since I love the 1970s television stars and he knows all about the Love Boat, but they started in 1977. I don't know. We have been on stage with friends, Fred Grandy, we have played gopher. [00:11:51] Speaker A: I don't remember his nose having that sort of a ski slope effect to it. If you notice it, like ski, ski jump. His nose goes. [00:11:58] Speaker B: Well, he might have had a work done. [00:12:00] Speaker A: You know, it's just a very slight thing. Maybe it's. Maybe it's not a big deal. [00:12:06] Speaker B: All right, all right. I don't have a good segue. [00:12:11] Speaker A: Well, it's good to be home of an afternoon. And speaking of home, we had a neighbor drop something off to us. Give us something last night. Some herbs. Which you're gonna put in a soup, I guess. [00:12:28] Speaker B: Yeah, it's actually cooking herbs. Not like nasty illegal herbs. No, no, no. [00:12:33] Speaker A: No cooking herbs. And sometimes you open the door and find a surprise on your porch. Just like the Kent family did here. That's a real forced segue. [00:12:45] Speaker B: That was pretty forced because I actually met her at the front door and received the herbs. [00:12:49] Speaker A: But way to yes and me. Thank you. [00:12:56] Speaker B: You know, I failed that class. Improv. I didn't fail, but I was not great because I don't. I forget to. Yes. [00:13:05] Speaker A: And are you sure? [00:13:10] Speaker B: I'm much better with a script. Which explains why we're 330 episodes into a completely unscripted podcast. Who is this fantastic foundling? Could it be lemon balm from across the road? I should text her and ask if she wants us to plant that or if we're just supposed to use up what she gives. There's a root ball on it. I guess we could plant it. Sure, I could start it. [00:13:35] Speaker A: I've got some. I've got some empty planters that I could put. And I've got some potting soil. I could start some lemon balm. I love to grow some lemon balm. [00:13:43] Speaker B: Well, I don't know what to do with it except put it in the soup. [00:13:46] Speaker A: And you're sure it's lemon balm? [00:13:48] Speaker B: Well, that's what she said. [00:13:48] Speaker A: You crush it up in your hand. And it smells like lemon. [00:13:51] Speaker B: No, I ate a leaf off of it and it just tasted like it would go good in the kind of soup that I'm making. [00:13:58] Speaker A: She's trying to poison us. [00:14:00] Speaker B: Well, I don't know. You know, she is a vegan. Who is this fantastic foundling? I guess we'll find out when we read the Mystery of the Mighty Mite. [00:14:16] Speaker A: Nice setup there. [00:14:18] Speaker B: Well, they don't give us much to work with. [00:14:19] Speaker A: No, they don't. [00:14:23] Speaker B: Here's another surprise. [00:14:24] Speaker A: And we actually. The splash page. You read the COVID The splash page is the other story. [00:14:31] Speaker B: The COVID is by Kurt Swan and George Klein. I have another surprise for you. I have an idea in my head to create my own Go Go Check comics covers featuring characters from the Go Go Check era that I adore but who never actually had their own comic series like Gorilla Witch or Man Fish. I might even create a whole superhero team. Gorilla Witch, Man Fish, B Boy. [00:15:03] Speaker A: B Boy. I love that for you. [00:15:08] Speaker B: Well, I've been running some experiments on my iPad using the Procreate application. [00:15:13] Speaker A: Yes. [00:15:13] Speaker B: It's not as easy as it looks like. I'm just looking at this cover with all of the siding drawn in the house and the astonished Ma and PA Kent peeking out the door, the laundry basket, and I just getting a sick feeling in my stomach thinking, how would I recreate that? [00:15:32] Speaker A: Well, yes. They used to do it all by hand and just sketch. [00:15:35] Speaker B: Well, I'm gonna do it by hand. Yeah. But even just. I've spent days and days trying to recreate this checkerboard masthead, and it's just not as easy as it looks. [00:15:45] Speaker A: It isn't? [00:15:46] Speaker B: Well, no, I thought it. I mean, it is kind of. There's a way to, like, just create a pattern and then replicate it, but it's not doing it the way I want it to. [00:15:55] Speaker A: Well, you know what they would do? What? They would create the masthead and then print. [00:15:59] Speaker B: Just paste it on. [00:16:00] Speaker A: Paste it on. Yeah. [00:16:01] Speaker B: Yes. I was a reporter for my college newspaper. In the olden days, we didn't have just had to mimeograph things, run out and get a story and then call it back into the office on a pay telephone. [00:16:15] Speaker A: Oh, pay telephone. Yes. [00:16:17] Speaker B: Not really. It was not a big campus. We would just walk back to the office. [00:16:21] Speaker A: Speaking of things that you don't want to remember. Oh, my God. We finally finished that series. [00:16:30] Speaker B: Oh. For all mankind. [00:16:32] Speaker A: For all mankind. It had such a good start. Oh, my God. I was so. When that show started, I thought, this is just brilliant. [00:16:41] Speaker B: It was. [00:16:42] Speaker A: It was brilliant. And then I don't know what they. They must have changed the writers or something. Good God. The last two seasons were insufferable. And I. I will watch a show with you that I don't like. [00:16:54] Speaker B: Yes, you will. [00:16:55] Speaker A: I'll be kind about. I'll be like, okay, let's watch it. I was just like. I was like that with the boys, too. I was like, God, is this ever, ever gonna be over? [00:17:03] Speaker B: Oh, really? Ever? [00:17:04] Speaker A: Oh, my. I just. But I was less vocal about that because there's. There's something I like about the boys, but it just seemed to go on about two seasons too long. [00:17:15] Speaker B: There's something I like about boys too, but this. [00:17:18] Speaker A: The. And I can't remember, what's it called again, For All Mankind. All I can think. I was literally gonna say the way we were For All Mankind. Another one of those shows is like, really? You could have wrapped this up two seasons ago. No one cares about the people on Mars. Honest to God. The only thing I'm glad about. [00:17:34] Speaker B: Don't give any spoilers away in case people haven't watched it. [00:17:37] Speaker A: I'm just gonna say all I'm glad about is that the series is over. And now there's apparently a spin off series. [00:17:42] Speaker B: There's a spin off series, and apparently it's. [00:17:45] Speaker A: You said it's very good. [00:17:46] Speaker B: I read a good review about it, so. Well, it's Star City. Okay, we'll try it tonight. [00:17:51] Speaker A: But it might be one of those shows where I'm just like, you can finish this without me, but I'll give it. I'll give it three episodes. Usually by three episodes. It'll get you hooked. [00:17:57] Speaker B: Okay. [00:17:58] Speaker A: And then, of course, we watched. Not giving anything away, we watched the last episode of Hacks. [00:18:02] Speaker B: Yes. [00:18:03] Speaker A: Which. That was season five. [00:18:05] Speaker B: Yes. [00:18:05] Speaker A: And that was very, very clever because they really kept that writing at the top level the entire five seasons. And it. [00:18:14] Speaker B: And it. [00:18:15] Speaker A: They decided we're going to end it this season. And it was clever that they made that decision and they just did it. Right. And I am. I cried so I was so happy. [00:18:27] Speaker B: Also, the Comeback, and I hope that it doesn't come back again. [00:18:30] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, I mean, I. Wonderful. [00:18:32] Speaker B: Yes. But. [00:18:33] Speaker A: But yeah, it's. [00:18:35] Speaker B: It's time. [00:18:36] Speaker A: It's run. Its. Its cycle. And it actually. How many years between the first season? Like 11 and the third season? Three. Three seasons. And she was Lisa. If you've never seen the Comeback with Lisa Kudrow, it is brilliant, brilliant, brilliant writing. The character is painful to watch. She's so awkward and painful and delightful and full of heart, but also painful to watch because of the choices that she makes. I mean, like, it's like, comedically painful. Right. And it's delightful, and I'm so glad they ended it, But, I mean, I would have gone for another season if they hadn't written it the way that they did. I mean, clearly it was coming to. [00:19:17] Speaker B: Well, maybe if they grew. [00:19:19] Speaker A: Because she grew so much over each of those seasons, she essentially changed without giving anything away. She just had a wonderful. Her character had a great arc. [00:19:31] Speaker B: Yes. [00:19:31] Speaker A: And I was delighted in that. Just. Ah, it was great. Great. [00:19:37] Speaker B: Maybe we'll feel different if they wait another 10 years before the next season. [00:19:41] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. [00:19:43] Speaker B: Well, what have we here? [00:19:46] Speaker A: Let's see. Where are we? We're on the. The laundry's done. Okay. [00:19:51] Speaker B: Congratulations. [00:19:52] Speaker A: Yes. [00:19:52] Speaker B: Another town than Smallville claiming Superboy as its own. Yes, that's what happens when the boy of Steel and his foster parents are forced to take new identities in a new community. But the big surprise is the new alter ego the boy blockbuster assumes in place of Clark Kent. Superboy's blind identity. They're standing in front of a sign in the town of Dover that says, you are entering Dover, new home of Superboy. It appears they're actually leaving Dover because they're walking the other direction. [00:20:24] Speaker A: They're walking the other direction. [00:20:25] Speaker B: Yeah. I've seen signs like this. You know, when you enter the town, it's got the kiwanis symbol and the Lions club. There's usually not a wide sidewalk right beside. [00:20:38] Speaker A: It's usually the dual highway. Right. There's one in Shepherdstone. [00:20:41] Speaker B: Yes. [00:20:42] Speaker A: Yeah, [00:20:44] Speaker B: yeah. One day at their home in Smallville, the family of Clark, Superboy Kent prepares for a trip first fall. I have a lot of problems with this story, and this is the very first problem I have. [00:20:57] Speaker A: What? [00:20:57] Speaker B: Why doesn't he just fly them to wherever they're going? They can go to Paris. [00:21:01] Speaker A: They can go as a family. [00:21:02] Speaker B: They can go as a family. And just wraps them up in his cape. Off they go. [00:21:05] Speaker A: They're going fishing. And she's packed sandwiches. [00:21:08] Speaker B: Creeks in Paris. [00:21:09] Speaker A: Okay. You have a problem with this, obviously. Yes, I see you. But I disagree. It's very charming. It's very small town. It's very Smallville. [00:21:18] Speaker B: Yes, yes. [00:21:19] Speaker A: Remember, Clark has this very humble, humble family. Centric, honest, quiet, not MAGA lifestyle, you know, and it keeps him grounded in human. [00:21:35] Speaker B: I know. I'm just thinking what I would do if I had. [00:21:39] Speaker A: Why the hell am I defending freaking Superboy? Comic of you. [00:21:43] Speaker B: Jonathan Kent cannot wait to go fishing. But in case he doesn't catch any fish, Martha's got a big basket of food. [00:21:49] Speaker A: Oh, I hope she's got some tuna fish in there. I love a good tuna fish in a fish. [00:21:53] Speaker B: Won't keep been a picnic. [00:21:54] Speaker A: Well, you. She might have wrapped it with some ice or something or put some ice around it. [00:21:58] Speaker B: Who knows? Much more likely to be cheese and meat. [00:22:00] Speaker A: Cold fried chicken, some processed meat or something like that. Yes. [00:22:04] Speaker B: Oven now. Not processed. Probably beef jerky that she makes at home. [00:22:08] Speaker A: Who knows? [00:22:08] Speaker B: Some homemade. [00:22:09] Speaker A: Oh, and some apple pie. [00:22:10] Speaker B: Yes. Homemade pickles that she won the ribbon at the state fair. What? [00:22:15] Speaker A: I made my first batch of shortbread cookies this morning, didn't I? Yes, And I was so disappointed. [00:22:23] Speaker B: Well, maybe a Scottish listener. Hint, hint. Martin Gray will write in and give you an authentic recipe for shortbread. [00:22:30] Speaker A: Yes, this is my first time, Martin. I do bake quite a bit, but I fear I had a bad recipe and I might have used the wrong size baking dish. It was too thick. The batter was too thick inside the baking dish. But I don't know. So anyway, if you have a good recipe, I would very much appreciate. Oh, and by the way, Martin Gray and listeners, I want to tell you about a tea. Oh, who makes that tea? Oh, I just bought this tea. It's called Biscuits flavor Biscuits tea. It's a malt tea. Oh, I can't remember the malt. It's a malt tea. So it's. It's a. [00:23:07] Speaker B: It's a tea. [00:23:08] Speaker A: It's. And it's made in England, or rather it's packaged. It's distributed by a company out of England. Starts with an horse like Harrington's or Harrods or I don't know what the hell it's called. Oh, it's called. I can almost think of what it is. [00:23:22] Speaker B: Hopscotchity. [00:23:23] Speaker A: I don't know. It start with an H. It's like Harrington's or whatever. Anyway, Harrods Gate or something like that. Anyway, it tastes like if you were to dip your. Your cookies, your shortbread cookies or something in the tea and then drink it. It's called biscuit flavored tea. It is. No, no, no. But it's not sweet, it's not cloying, it's not disgusting. It is absolutely delightful. My Irish flute teacher, who of course has friends from all over the United Kingdom and such, she introduced me to it this week and I was like, I ordered it immediately. It's fantastic. [00:24:02] Speaker B: Okay. [00:24:04] Speaker A: All right. So the Kents are on their little. Their busman's holiday. Who knows? [00:24:09] Speaker B: On their way, they are driving out of town. And here comes the bus from metropolis driven by Charlie Daggett, who knows the Kents. He recognizes them through their windshield. But suddenly, an earthquake. Smallville is well known for its earthquakes and volcanoes and. Oh, yes, Alpine mountains. [00:24:32] Speaker A: Oh, yes. [00:24:33] Speaker B: Just outside. [00:24:34] Speaker A: Just on the east coast, right? Yeah, for sure. [00:24:37] Speaker B: Or Kansas, we're not entirely sure. [00:24:39] Speaker A: So it could be the midwest or the east coast. [00:24:41] Speaker B: Yes. [00:24:42] Speaker A: And we know that both of those geographic locations have active volcanoes, lots of earthquakes, and notoriously close mountains and deserts. Yes, yes. [00:24:55] Speaker B: Although we know that metropolis is on the east coast, so. And if they're taking a bus from metropolis driven by someone that lives in Smallville, we could assume we're close to the east coast. [00:25:03] Speaker A: Close. Yes. So, yes. [00:25:05] Speaker B: All right. The earthquakes creates a giant chasm in the road. Charlie Daggett manages to steer the bus away from the chasm, but the Kents are not so lucky. [00:25:17] Speaker A: Jonathan Kent drives it right into the chasm. [00:25:19] Speaker B: Right into the chasm. [00:25:21] Speaker A: And the car is immediately swallowed up by the earth. [00:25:25] Speaker B: Yes. Because the chasm then immediately closes. [00:25:27] Speaker A: Because we know that's what happens with earthquakes. [00:25:29] Speaker B: That's exactly what happens. [00:25:30] Speaker A: The earth opens up and then it closes again. [00:25:32] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:25:33] Speaker A: Right. Now, I personally have been in an earthquake. I've. And I. There are different kinds of earthquakes. And the one I experience is one. It's a rolling effect. [00:25:48] Speaker B: Yes. [00:25:49] Speaker A: And it. You know, the. The part you feel on. On a roller coaster when you go up and you lose a little bit of height and you feel like your stomach just sort of drops. Sure. Your stomach rises a little bit. Yeah. That's what a rolling earthquake feels like. And it's not like you don't literally look across the land and see everything rolling. It's because the mass is so large that it just sort of. You feel this energy lift a little bit. But it's not like the building lifts up and then plops back down. [00:26:18] Speaker B: Sure. [00:26:18] Speaker A: It's a different kind of feeling. I've never seen the kind of earthquake that opens up a road. The cars go in and then it just swallows the cars. And then basically you have a hairline fracture in the road. [00:26:30] Speaker B: Well, that's a very well known type of earthquake. Doesn't that in Superman, the movie? That's the kind of. [00:26:35] Speaker A: That is the kind of earthquake that [00:26:36] Speaker B: happens up Lois Lane. [00:26:37] Speaker A: Now, is. Is this related in any way to quicksand? Well, another famous comic book convention. [00:26:46] Speaker B: Yes. [00:26:47] Speaker A: Something I always grew up in fear of. [00:26:48] Speaker B: It does have to do with the earth. So, okay, yes, it's a close relative of quicksand. Okay, now this is an important fact. Charlie Daggett has witnessed the Kents being sucked into this chasm. [00:27:03] Speaker A: Yes. [00:27:05] Speaker B: He, of course, doesn't know that Clark is Superboy. [00:27:09] Speaker A: No. [00:27:12] Speaker B: Superboy wraps the Kents up in his cape to rescue them from the chasm. Now, he's concerned that if the bus passengers see him flying out of the chasm as Superboy, everyone on the bus will immediately know that he is Superboy. Right. I have a little disagreement with that. I think he could have thought of a better solution, because his solution is to fly, wrap his parents in the cave and fly 24 hours into the future. [00:27:49] Speaker A: Now, he whirled at ultralight speed counterclockwise to go forward 24 hours. [00:27:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:27:59] Speaker A: Why couldn't he have whirled counter clockwise and gone back 24 hours and just said, oh, by the way, Ma and Pa, there's going to be an earthquake in about 24 hours. We're going to just delay our travels by 15 minutes and everything would have been fine? Well, and don't tell me it's about tampering with the timeline. [00:28:24] Speaker B: It is. I'm absolutely gonna tell you that. [00:28:26] Speaker A: Oh, so it's okay for him to go to the future, but not okay for him to go to the past? [00:28:29] Speaker B: Yes, because in DC Comics lore, although I don't know if it had been established at this point yet, but it probably had, you can't exist with a version of yourself. So if you were to fly into the past, if that past is where you already exist, you. You, the time traveler would turn into a phantom. You wouldn't be able to affect anything. [00:28:56] Speaker A: Oh, okay, [00:28:59] Speaker B: now you're going to say. Well, I understand physics and I know that even 24 hours in the future, the Kents also exist, so. [00:29:07] Speaker A: Well, unless they're dead because they actually aren't there in the past anymore. [00:29:11] Speaker B: I guess that's a valid point. [00:29:14] Speaker A: Like, he's removed them from the timeline. They no longer exist in that timeline. [00:29:18] Speaker B: Oh, this is like business accounting. [00:29:21] Speaker A: Oh, do you want me to do a scenario around it? [00:29:25] Speaker B: Anyway, why couldn't he have just bored through the Earth and appeared as Superboy? Thank you. Fly down, rescue them, Get a Clark robot from somewhere. [00:29:35] Speaker A: Well, I mean, I understand that his cape protects his parents, right? From. From the effects of friction of spinning at ultralight speed counterclockwise. [00:29:44] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:29:45] Speaker A: And so I'm assuming that couldn't he have just, like, burrowed 25ft away and pulled themselves out and, like. Because the solution that he creates Is not quite unlike what he could have done to have reached the solution immediately in that moment. Right. And he's apparently incredibly intelligent. So he could have created that solution. That. [00:30:04] Speaker B: Here's what I would have done. [00:30:05] Speaker A: Wow. [00:30:05] Speaker B: I would have burrowed through the earth, come. Then appeared as Superboy in front of the bus. People flew down, got the car, picked up the car and said, sorry, folks, I gotta get the Kents to the hospital right away. [00:30:18] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:30:18] Speaker B: Just fly off. [00:30:19] Speaker A: Done. Well, we wouldn't have anything to read then. [00:30:23] Speaker B: True. [00:30:24] Speaker A: Okay. [00:30:25] Speaker B: Now, they arrive in the future at the same spot, but luckily they've closed the road so no one's there to see them. [00:30:38] Speaker A: So Jonathan's driving. Is that his father? Jonathan? [00:30:40] Speaker B: Yes, Nathan. [00:30:41] Speaker A: Jonathan. [00:30:42] Speaker B: Jonathan. [00:30:42] Speaker A: Jonathan's clumsy driving and Superman's decision to transport them 24 hours into the future. [00:30:48] Speaker B: Superboy. [00:30:49] Speaker A: I'm sorry, I did say Superman, didn't I? [00:30:50] Speaker B: Yes. [00:30:51] Speaker A: Superboy's decision to transport them 24 hours in the future has ruined their vacation. [00:30:56] Speaker B: Yeah, if they can't go on vacation now, might as well go back home to smoke. [00:30:59] Speaker A: Both of the men have ruined their vacation. [00:31:02] Speaker B: Yes, for Martha. For Martha, who did all the cooking. [00:31:06] Speaker A: Exactly. She prepared all the rations. And the solution means they have to re establish their lives in a new place and cut all ties with their family. With Jonathan's brothers, with their neighbors, his [00:31:21] Speaker B: brothers, Bert and Kendall. [00:31:22] Speaker A: With everyone. They can't. [00:31:24] Speaker B: You can't go back to Smallville because they had too many witnesses. [00:31:27] Speaker A: New identities. [00:31:29] Speaker B: Yeah, because if you told the truth, they'd know that Clark is Superboy. Until we can come up with a good solid explanation, we'll have to find a new place to live under new identities. [00:31:42] Speaker A: But that's not the stupidest thing that's about to happen. [00:31:44] Speaker B: Oh, no. Far from it. [00:31:46] Speaker A: Oh, no. [00:31:46] Speaker B: They head for Dover. Apparently a nearby town. Unless. [00:31:51] Speaker A: Probably a listener. One person listening to this probably likes this story and doesn't like that we're picking it apart. But if you don't like it, then you haven't been listening to our podcast very long. [00:32:02] Speaker B: I'm the target audience that would have loved this story when I was 8 years old. I'm not 8 anymore. So they go to Dover, presumably a nearby town, so the chances of them running into someone they know is still pretty high. [00:32:22] Speaker A: So they go to Dover and they're in an alley and Clark pulls his. His civilian clothes out of his cape. I see his cape purse. [00:32:31] Speaker B: Yes, he's got a little secret pouch in his cape where he. [00:32:33] Speaker A: And then makes a mistake that the smartest Fastest, strongest Kryptonian on Earth. [00:32:41] Speaker B: The only Kryptonian on Earth. [00:32:43] Speaker A: Kryptonian on Earth. Okay, so just the smartest, fastest, strongest, most clever Kryptonian on Earth makes a mistake that apparently is such a strong choice that can't be undone that we have to live with it for the next few pages. [00:32:59] Speaker B: Right. [00:32:59] Speaker A: And here it is. [00:33:00] Speaker B: He drops his glasses into an open can of black paint, which, of course, coats his glasses. Except, miraculously, it only coats the lenses. The frames are still white. So he puts the glasses on, thinking he's going to burn the paint off with his heat vision. But, oh, here comes some people walking down the alley. [00:33:29] Speaker A: That's almost. I mean, that's a little bit more efficient than accidentally knocking a can of yellow paint on his head. Thus turning his hair blonde. [00:33:39] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:33:40] Speaker A: And creating a new identity so that he must put yellow paint in his hair or wear a blonde wig like his cousin will have to later on. [00:33:49] Speaker B: No, she wears brown wig. [00:33:50] Speaker A: She's natural blonde. [00:33:51] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:33:51] Speaker A: Wear a wig to change their identity. [00:33:54] Speaker B: Sure. [00:33:55] Speaker A: Yes. This is just like. Oh, isn't this clever? Oh, I made my glasses black. Now I'm. Go ahead. [00:34:03] Speaker B: Now I'm blind. [00:34:05] Speaker A: Now I'm blind. That's who I'm gonna be from now on. [00:34:08] Speaker B: The people passing by couldn't see him burning his. Burning the black paint off of this. I don't know why you couldn't just. Oh. Cause he'd be recognized. [00:34:16] Speaker A: No, he thought he was gonna. He's gonna use him as sunglasses until he can clean them. He says. [00:34:22] Speaker B: Oh, right, right, right. [00:34:23] Speaker A: And then some people see him wearing the glasses, and they assume he's blind. [00:34:27] Speaker B: Yes. First of all, these nosy women walking down the street. I never saw them before. I wonder if they've moved here or are just visiting. Do you know every person in Dover, lady? [00:34:38] Speaker A: Well, I grew up in a town where you would know every person you saw. [00:34:42] Speaker B: No, you didn't. [00:34:42] Speaker A: No, you didn't. No, I didn't. I'm sorry. [00:34:45] Speaker B: No. I could say the same thing. You didn't know every single person in town? [00:34:50] Speaker A: Well, you would know if they weren't Italian, that's for sure. [00:34:52] Speaker B: And this other lady, the boy's wearing dark glasses. Do you suppose he's blind? Yeah, I guess that's a normal assumption. If you see someone in dark glasses on the street, oh, they must be blind. [00:35:06] Speaker A: Well, he is holding onto his mother's arm, who's holding onto his father's arm. [00:35:10] Speaker B: Right. And Clark says, she thinks I'm blind. Does she? Then by Golly, I'll be blind. Wait till I tell mom and dad. Hey, mom and dad, I'm blind. It's just like we always dreamed. [00:35:23] Speaker A: Later, after the kids have rented an apartment. [00:35:25] Speaker B: So how do they rent an apartment if they can't? They can't use their real names. [00:35:29] Speaker A: Jonathan Kent actually had a business from which he derived an income. Yeah, that was the sole income that supported the three members of the family. [00:35:37] Speaker B: He must have had a thick wad of cash in his wallet to go on vacation. They could afford a first, last and security deposit. [00:35:44] Speaker A: Superboy's a teenager. He doesn't actually have a. He doesn't actually have a career to support himself. John, in this world, in this story, we're assuming that Jonathan Kent has enough money in his pocket to rent a fully furnished apartment. Yes, for them to restart their lives. [00:36:00] Speaker B: I mean, it is 1967. What's rent? $5 a month. All right, so the parents are on board. They're gonna pretend Clark's is blind. But remember, don't call me Clark. From now on, you're John and Margaret Kendall and I'm your son, Chuck. Now who'd suspect poor blind Chuck of being Superboy? [00:36:20] Speaker A: Tap, tap, tap. Look at Ski. I love his tin. His king. [00:36:23] Speaker B: Perfect cover up for my super. Certainly is, son. As meek, timid Clark in Smallville, you fooled people. But there were a few who suspected you were Superboy. That's right. [00:36:35] Speaker A: It wasn't easy to play scared rabbit all the time. You know what, son? You'll pass for a blind boy. Alright? Even a lighted match can't force your super eyelids to blink if you don't want them to. Let me show you what I mean. While I'm saying this, I'm gonna light this match and press it to your eyeball. [00:36:50] Speaker B: I wonder if he plays pinball. Chuck Kendall, he's a pinball wizard. From Tommy. [00:37:00] Speaker A: Is that the name of the character? Chuck Kendall? [00:37:03] Speaker B: Yes. No, that's the name of Clark. His new identity, Chuck Kendall. [00:37:07] Speaker A: Oh, I thought maybe you'd made it really clever. Like even like clever. [00:37:12] Speaker B: No, I thought that was pretty clever. All right. [00:37:16] Speaker A: I really want to be laughing at that. [00:37:19] Speaker B: Okay, let it go. Later, as quote unquote, Chuck takes a walk in the neighborhood. A power line comes down. It's the overhead wire from the trolley and. [00:37:32] Speaker A: Oh, did you ever have a trolley in Columbus? [00:37:35] Speaker B: Not in my day. [00:37:37] Speaker A: Okay. [00:37:38] Speaker B: But yes, they did. [00:37:41] Speaker A: I love, I love to ride a trolley, don't I? [00:37:44] Speaker B: Do you? Did you have a trolley? [00:37:45] Speaker A: No. We rode one in Vienna and in San Francisco. [00:37:49] Speaker B: Yeah. Yes, we did. Well, you know, that's how my grandparents met. Was my grandfather worked for the Interurban railroad which went between Columbus and Van wirt. [00:38:00] Speaker A: Which grand. Mr. White. [00:38:02] Speaker B: Mrs. White. Yes. [00:38:03] Speaker A: He was an attorney. [00:38:06] Speaker B: Well, no, not when they met. He was. Oh, it was his father maybe worked for the Inner Urban while he was in School. And Mrs. White's older sister's husband also worked for the Interior Interurban Railroad. And the sister and the. My great grandfather set them up on a blind date. Oh, so they met on a stop at the Inner Urban. [00:38:31] Speaker A: Really? [00:38:32] Speaker B: And the rest was history. Yes. All right. So Clark slips away to change the Superboy to help with this downed power wire situation. And indeed he does, just by pressing them together. [00:38:44] Speaker A: He didn't press his eyes or anything with his heat vision, huh? He didn't weld them the one. [00:38:51] Speaker B: Not that we see. However, he switches back to his blind identity and the passersby say, what a pity that poor blind boy couldn't see Superboy in action. Superboy is lucky enough to have all those wonderful powers, but there is a boy who doesn't even have eyesight. Hmm. Well, Clark's delighted. It's the perfect disguise. [00:39:13] Speaker A: It is. [00:39:15] Speaker B: However, he's got to get back to Smallville and make an appearance or people will think that he's moved, that Superboy's moved to Dover. And it would be awfully suspicious if Superboy disappears at the same time as the Kents. [00:39:29] Speaker A: As he returns to his hometown, a sad sight meets the eyes of Superboy. [00:39:33] Speaker B: Yes, the Kent General Store is all boarded up. [00:39:35] Speaker A: Is that what they do just days after somebody dies? They put boards on the outside of a building? [00:39:40] Speaker B: Yeah, there's no need to involve the lawyer or go to probate court or anything. Superboy encounters Lana Lang, who is weeping that Superboy was not there to rescue the Kents. [00:39:56] Speaker A: I'm surprised they didn't write in an anger thing at her from her. At them. At Superboy. Why weren't you here? [00:40:05] Speaker B: Now he's just in time because there's a memorial service for the Kents that afternoon who are going to be sharing a single tombstone which says, here lie Jonathan Martha and Clark Kent. Well, they don't because they didn't find their bodies. [00:40:20] Speaker A: Well, it is on the roadside. [00:40:22] Speaker B: The tombstone is in the middle of the road. [00:40:26] Speaker A: You're going to have. People are going to have to drive around that. It's going to become a driving hazard. [00:40:29] Speaker B: Oh, but I guess it's like those roadside things, right? Like the roadside teddy bears. I guess this is the spot where they disappeared. [00:40:36] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's not in the middle of the road. I think it's on the side of the road. [00:40:39] Speaker B: Okay. [00:40:39] Speaker A: Yeah. Otherwise it would become a hazard. [00:40:43] Speaker B: So it's not a lie to say that here. Lie? Because it is really over the spot where they disappeared into the chasm. Superboy feels like Tom Sawyer attending his own funeral. You know, my father, my father pulled a Tom Sawyer huck fin thing. He got on the. Made a raft in the Kanawha river and floated down the river with his friend. And nobody knew where they were. They all thought they were dead. [00:41:06] Speaker A: I had forgotten that. Yes, it's a true story. [00:41:11] Speaker B: It is. It absolutely tracks also. All right. In the days that follow, Chuck Kendall becomes a familiar figure in Dover. And all the other kids feel obligated to be especially nice to him because he's blind. Superboy starts performing more super feats in Dover. The town elders decide to erect a sign on the outskirts of town saying, you are entering Dover, new home of Superboy. And later that day, Chuck witnesses a bank robbery in progress. He's just about to switch to Superboy [00:41:51] Speaker A: when he's grabbed by two teenagers and ushered into the alley. [00:41:55] Speaker B: His new friends, they're looking out for him. They drag him into the alley to keep him safe because he's blind now. They mean well, but he can't change Superboy with all these guys protecting him. [00:42:12] Speaker A: That's right. So acting quickly, Chuck, in quotes, lets out with a blast of super cold breath, which cools down the engine, forms ice over it and stops the robbers in their tracks. Yeah. [00:42:25] Speaker B: The very next day, a tornado roars into town. Could be a Superboy is going to go into action. But somebody grabs him off the street. The Kendall boy is helpless. Quick, into my cyclone shelter. You'll be safe there. [00:42:42] Speaker A: As he's taken and he's taken to the underground shelter, Chuck gives out a supersonic whistle to shrill. Too shrill. Sorry, not too shrill for normal humans to hear. I am so happy to see Krypto make an appearance. [00:42:57] Speaker B: It's crypto. He flies into town to stop the [00:42:59] Speaker A: tornado by flying counterclockwise. [00:43:03] Speaker B: Yeah, sure. That's classic way to stop a tornado. Everybody knows that. [00:43:06] Speaker A: That's what I do whenever we have a tornado. I just go outside and spin around counterclockwise. [00:43:09] Speaker B: Yeah. Now Chuck returns home, says, this new identity just isn't working out, folks. Everyone thinks Chuck is so helpless. He's always the first one they think of saving. In a crisis. I never have a chance to Switch to Superboy. I was better off at Smallville. The grass is never greener, Clark. Never. [00:43:28] Speaker A: So his father says the people around here feel Superboy's presence could attract new industries and other businesses to Dover. They figured he'd be a real gold mine. [00:43:37] Speaker B: A mine? That's it, dad. That's the answer. The next day, some friends bring flowers to the Kent's monument. Superboy appears to pay his respects. And he says, step aside, Lana, while I show you what I spotted with my X ray vision. I don't know why I didn't think to use my X ray vision in the intervening weeks that the the Kents have been missing. But here we are. Let me rip up the road and show you that it's an abandoned mine shaft. Plus still living Jonathan, Martha and Clark Kent. Or rather, wait a second, robot I had placed there. What? [00:44:21] Speaker A: This is the second memorial service for the Kents? No, because the first time is on page seven. [00:44:28] Speaker B: Right. This is just. It says in the text, some friends bring flowers to the Kent's monument. [00:44:34] Speaker A: Oh, I see. [00:44:38] Speaker B: They're alive. Gasp. So yes, Martha explains as she lies through her teeth. The quake dumped our car right into the old shaft. We couldn't get out, but we had air. And the food I packed. [00:44:52] Speaker A: Thank you. [00:44:55] Speaker B: No one will guess that Superboy dug that shaft himself last night and built a replica of their old car from scrap. But if I ever have to take a new secret identity again, it won't be that of a blind boy. My blockbuster idea turned out to be a bomb. I can get a lot more done by posing as meek Clark Kent. He says with a wink to the reader. [00:45:20] Speaker A: The end. [00:45:22] Speaker B: Not the end of the podcast though. Cause we've got another story. [00:45:26] Speaker A: Yay. [00:45:26] Speaker B: Boy, is it a big doozy. Wow. [00:45:30] Speaker A: So years ago, when super baby arrived on Earth, a mysterious fate chose Martha and Jonathan Kent to raise the orphan from Krypton. Now some strange destiny brings yet another super waif into the Kent's life. And so begins the wild, weird and way out story of the mysterious Mighty Mighty. [00:45:54] Speaker B: You ought to be on your knees thanking the powers that be that we're not in the era of super baby stories. [00:46:04] Speaker A: Oh. [00:46:05] Speaker B: Cause that was a thing. [00:46:07] Speaker A: Oh, really? Yeah, like in the Apocrypha. No way. [00:46:12] Speaker B: Yes. [00:46:13] Speaker A: No, the Gnostic novels. The Gnostic Gospels. [00:46:16] Speaker B: Yes. [00:46:17] Speaker A: Novels, for God's sake. Where baby Jesus gets angry at the children and kills them. [00:46:24] Speaker B: And then brings them back to life. [00:46:25] Speaker A: And then brings them back to life [00:46:26] Speaker B: and turns the birds into clay. [00:46:28] Speaker A: Yes. [00:46:28] Speaker B: Yes. [00:46:29] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:46:29] Speaker B: Do you have a. [00:46:30] Speaker A: Do you Have a copy of the Gnostic scriptures. [00:46:32] Speaker B: Probably somewhere. [00:46:33] Speaker A: I would love to read them. [00:46:35] Speaker B: Yeah, Super Baby does all kinds of meam. Saved town from tornado. [00:46:42] Speaker A: Yes. [00:46:44] Speaker B: Oh, you know, and he wears a little place to eat. [00:46:47] Speaker A: He used to have a copy of the Gnostic novel. Like he used to have the copy of the Gospel of Judas and stuff like that. [00:46:52] Speaker B: I'm sure it's someplace. [00:46:53] Speaker A: Love to read those. Well, okay, let's see if I could squeeze them in between my analytic. [00:46:59] Speaker B: Between your studies? [00:47:00] Speaker A: Managerial counting. [00:47:02] Speaker B: One day in Smallville as Clark Kent brings in the morning milk. [00:47:05] Speaker A: Milk? [00:47:06] Speaker B: What's this? Someone left a basket on our back stoop. It must be a gag. [00:47:11] Speaker A: Mom, dad, look. A sleeping baby abandoned at our door. And this note, it's in Kryptonese, the language of my native planet. [00:47:19] Speaker B: I'll translate it. Great galaxies. Listen, Superboy, we know your secret identity. Care for this Kryptonian child, Kit L? Let the Kents raise him as they raised you. One warning, do not feed him milk. That reminds me. Apparently they've just discovered and reassembled a three and a half hour cut of gremlins. Oh, I'm gonna look into it. [00:47:45] Speaker A: Okay. [00:47:45] Speaker B: See if they release it on physical media. [00:47:47] Speaker A: There must be a reason why they didn't release it. Yeah, it's probably bad. [00:47:53] Speaker B: So first of all, we're burying the lead. If his name is Kit L doesn't mean. [00:47:57] Speaker A: He means he's related to the L. To Mon El and Jor El. [00:48:02] Speaker B: Mon El's not his real name. They just call him Mon El because he was discovered on a Monday and they were gonna be pretend brothers. [00:48:12] Speaker A: Oh, okay, [00:48:15] Speaker B: now this is ridiculous. Krypton blew up 12 years ago when I was a toddler. Yet whoever left the baby here knew my Superboy identity. What shall we do? Well, we'll have to keep him, of course. [00:48:25] Speaker A: We'll have to keep him for the time being. [00:48:26] Speaker B: Clark, if he's really Kryptonian, then he's super and this is the best place for him. We raised one super child. You. [00:48:34] Speaker A: I still think it's a hoax. Says Clark. And he's right. I mean, he's right to be skeptical. [00:48:39] Speaker B: Sure. Now the poor lamb is frightened of his surroundings. He's crying. Jonathan decides to give him one of Clark's childhood toys to play with. A teddy bear. [00:48:51] Speaker A: Which he rips apart. [00:48:52] Speaker B: Which he rips apart. [00:48:54] Speaker A: Kittel. [00:48:54] Speaker B: Kittel. And he's speaking in childish Kryptonese. He's hungry. Well, Martha says milk is the best food for a tot of that age. No it isn't? No, not cow's milk. But the note warned us not to give him any. [00:49:11] Speaker A: Well, and this is where the mistake happens. Yes. Clark says. Nonsense. If he's Kryptonian, he's invulnerable. On Earth, nothing but Kryptonite can harm him. [00:49:23] Speaker B: Which is true. [00:49:25] Speaker A: Yeah, but the note said, don't give him milk. [00:49:28] Speaker B: Also, guess what? If he's Kryptonian, he doesn't need to eat. [00:49:31] Speaker A: Oh, he doesn't? [00:49:32] Speaker B: No. He gets his energy from the sunshine. [00:49:34] Speaker A: Oh. [00:49:36] Speaker B: All right. So he drinks a big mug of milk, and there are no immediate ill effects, and he falls asleep. This is also. Martha says she has to go help dad in the store, but she'll be back soon. And Superboy has an important mission, so we're going to. So they're going to leave him alone in the house? [00:49:59] Speaker A: Yes. Which was apparently a thing that people used to do. [00:50:04] Speaker B: Well, I'm not sure. [00:50:06] Speaker A: When you were babysat by your dog. [00:50:08] Speaker B: I was babysat by my dog. It's too bad we don't have a dog with superpowers anywhere nearby that could babysit the child. [00:50:14] Speaker A: Thank you. That would have been an interesting development. [00:50:18] Speaker B: No. So my mother would put me in my playpen out in the backyard with the dog, on guard duty. [00:50:23] Speaker A: Right. [00:50:23] Speaker B: But she was in the house. [00:50:25] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:50:26] Speaker B: She didn't go shopping or help dad at the power plant or wherever he was. [00:50:31] Speaker A: Whenever we were left alone in my house, my sister and I, at a young age, we would get into all sorts of mischief. One time, my sister took her action figures from the wizard of Oz and set the witch's hair on fire, recreating the whole torching thing and burned holes in the carpet. [00:50:47] Speaker B: Okay. [00:50:48] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:50:49] Speaker B: Well, still. [00:50:50] Speaker A: And one time I took. I saw this. This commercial for Lemon Pledge that, like, you could. You could write the word scratch into furniture and spray Lemon Pledge on it, and it would cover that. So I did that. Yeah. In the top of our television set, which was plastic. And I didn't know. [00:51:08] Speaker B: Sure. [00:51:09] Speaker A: I. I scratched in with a straight pin. As the World Turns. [00:51:13] Speaker B: I swear to God I did. [00:51:15] Speaker A: And then. I mean, this is like all the kind of stuff that kids do when your parents are working and you shouldn't be left home alone. And you're stupid and you get into some stupid shit. And so I, being. My stepfather, was in construction, so I knew that we had chemicals that could help fix things. [00:51:32] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:51:33] Speaker A: I took some mineral spirits on a rag and tried to smooth out the top of the television set, which was, of course, plastic. Casing, wood grain, plastic casing, which then smeared the wood grain, plastic casing into a blurry kind of slurry mess, which made as the World Turns look even worse. Okay, so, boy, did I get in trouble because I ruined the top of our television set and I had to explain everything to my mother and stepfather that that is what I had done. I remember the look on her face. I can see it right now, just staring at me with such rage and astonishment that I would take a straight pen and write as the World Turns, scratch it, etch it into the top of a television set just to prove that Lemon Pledge could cover the scratches. [00:52:26] Speaker B: Look, it's not your fault because television made you do it. [00:52:30] Speaker A: I was in second grade also. [00:52:33] Speaker B: Well, then you shouldn't have been left alone at home. [00:52:35] Speaker A: I think so. I think you're right. [00:52:37] Speaker B: Also, it's too bad it wasn't sort of later on in your mother's continuity, because you could have just piled a bunch of Beanie Babies on top of the television. [00:52:45] Speaker A: She would never have covered up or gourds or something. Well, I think my mom had the right solution to that, which my parents needed to work, which was to turn us out of the house and tell us, you can't come home except you can't come inside except to use the bathroom. I want you out of the house. [00:53:01] Speaker B: Sure. Because there's no place safer to be outdoors than rural Florida. [00:53:07] Speaker A: Well, it was a beach town. [00:53:09] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:53:10] Speaker A: So it was small. [00:53:12] Speaker B: Also, you were in the woods, so there's poisonous things and. [00:53:16] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, we had snakes. We had alligators. We had all sorts of things. Yes. But we were fine. We made it. We made it. I was never bitten by a snake, although I had my feet cut up all the time. I used to run around barefoot all the time and get my feet cut up. [00:53:29] Speaker B: Well, you had palmettos and all kind of things. [00:53:31] Speaker A: Oh, just all sorts of things. I mean, honestly, if you make it through Florida as a child, in my childhood, during those years. Yeah, you're. [00:53:39] Speaker B: You're a survivor if you can make it there. [00:53:44] Speaker A: It taught me grit. [00:53:45] Speaker B: Sure. And now just look at you in your mba. All right. Kid L continues to drink milk, and Superboy is flying off in whatever mission he's on. And he's having a vivid dream sequence about neighbors seeing Kid Hell flying. These neighbors are Gene Robinson level detectives. That New Kent kid is flying. He's super. And Clark is known to be Superboy's friend. I'll bet Clark himself is Superboy. [00:54:21] Speaker A: You had a party. Now, the next Page is. The next page's enraged me. [00:54:30] Speaker B: Yes. Now the teen Tornado arrives at a local construction supply company. The Ajax Building Supply Company has donated a train car full of sand which Superboy is flying to the orphanage where he lived when he first arrived from Krypton before he was adopted by the Kents. [00:54:53] Speaker A: Now there's a playground. [00:54:53] Speaker B: Notice there's a slide importantly here, Kit. L will have to stay here too until they can adopt him. Why? Nobody knows he's there. Yeah, just say Martha had a geriatric. Martha had a baby or cousin of [00:55:09] Speaker A: hers died and she's adopted the child. [00:55:11] Speaker B: Yeah, you can get away with stuff like that. [00:55:13] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:55:13] Speaker B: In the 1960s. [00:55:13] Speaker A: Are you kidding? Sure. [00:55:16] Speaker B: Now, Superboy apparently had promised to rebuild the worn out equipment on the orphanage playground. [00:55:23] Speaker A: Oh, that's worn out equipment. [00:55:24] Speaker B: I get it. Okay, so why didn't he just like [00:55:27] Speaker A: fashion, like refashion the equipment, repurpose it? [00:55:30] Speaker B: Well, because it makes much more sense to dump this train carload of sand [00:55:34] Speaker A: on the ground and create a glass case. [00:55:38] Speaker B: Create a glass enclosure out of the sand by using his heat vision and super rubbing power. Because he's going to make a children's zoo. When I read that, I thought he was going to make a zoo for the children to be displayed so that the adoptive parents could come and choose one. [00:55:55] Speaker A: See them in action, folks. [00:55:57] Speaker B: I'll take that one. [00:55:59] Speaker A: Which one is that? I was the fifth one on the left. The one in the blue pants, remember? [00:56:03] Speaker B: I think it was our very first episode when it was an imaginary story where Supergirl had come to Earth first before Superboy. [00:56:12] Speaker A: Yes. [00:56:12] Speaker B: And put him in an orphanage. Of course. [00:56:15] Speaker A: Yes. [00:56:16] Speaker B: And one of the residents of the orphanage was Manly Stanley. He was a good orphan and Superboy was a bad orphan because he had bad parenting, I guess. [00:56:28] Speaker A: Yes. [00:56:28] Speaker B: In this imaginary story, he was a super brat. Anyway, what are we going to. Well, it's a zoo is a nice thing. The children still need exercise. Well, Superboy's thought of that. He'll be right back. He flies a bubble full of weird creatures. [00:56:49] Speaker A: He's gathered beasts in an inter. From in this interplanetary arc. [00:56:54] Speaker B: Yes. [00:56:54] Speaker A: So it's a glass bubble. [00:56:55] Speaker B: A glass bubble. [00:56:57] Speaker A: And he's got some. What does he have? He has a bubble. [00:57:02] Speaker B: A bubble bird from the gas world of Vontar. [00:57:05] Speaker A: Right. Hoop squirrels from the Kring Galaxy and a glissosaur, which makes an excellent slide. [00:57:11] Speaker B: Slide. [00:57:12] Speaker A: So here's what he's going to do. He's built a glass enclosure for the children. He's now brought animals from different planets. [00:57:21] Speaker B: Yes. [00:57:21] Speaker A: That would make them endangered species on Earth. [00:57:26] Speaker B: Yes. [00:57:26] Speaker A: And giving them to the children in the orphanage. [00:57:29] Speaker B: Sure. [00:57:29] Speaker A: To play with in a glass enclosure. Uh huh. Bye. And he leaves no feeding instructions. No. Like nothing. Just like. Yeah, [00:57:43] Speaker B: I'm sure he's thought of that off panel. But he returns to the cat house. Great Krypton. It looks like a disaster area. Kid L's crib is shattered like matchwood. His blanket is ripped to shreds. And there's a Kithel shaped hole in the wall. Like in cartoons when mouses burst through the wall. Ma Kent returns and Superboy has to explain that Super Top must have awakened while we were gone. Well, nobody could have seen that coming. [00:58:15] Speaker A: No, no. [00:58:18] Speaker B: Moments later, they find a strange teenaged boy. Who are you? [00:58:25] Speaker A: Can't you guess, Superboy? I'm Kithel. [00:58:27] Speaker B: Couldn't you guess? Because I'm wearing the exact same outfit that Baby Kittel was wearing. Kithel explains that his sudden growth is due to an effect of the milk you gave me. Well, Superboy says you're a super fraud. How did you learn to speak English so quickly? [00:58:47] Speaker A: Instant learning my super mentality. Mastered the language as I glanced through the dictionary and encyclopedia at super speed. [00:58:55] Speaker B: Did you ever read the original Tarzan novel? [00:58:58] Speaker A: No. [00:58:59] Speaker B: Well, I have. [00:59:00] Speaker A: Okay? [00:59:02] Speaker B: And in the original novel, Tarzan's not an idiot that talks in caveman talk. He's a super genius. He's abandoned as a baby because his parents die raised by apes. But he teaches himself to read and speak French because his father had a medical French dictionary in the treehouse where they lived before they died. [00:59:28] Speaker A: Okay. [00:59:29] Speaker B: Just like kid hell. [00:59:31] Speaker A: Wow. [00:59:31] Speaker B: Super genius. He explains also that he created his own super costume because he plans to be a superhero just like Superboy. And he wants to get credit on his own for his own super deed. See? Alright. Groan. Explaining a new infant to the neighbors would be bad enough, but a teenager? He'll need a secret identity. And suppose he keeps growing? [00:59:58] Speaker A: If only you hadn't told us to give him milk. Clark. [01:00:01] Speaker B: Come on, Martha. You're the one that said it was the best food. [01:00:05] Speaker A: We'll talk about it later, Mom. As Clark Kent I have to take a midterm chemistry exam this morning. We'll tackle the problem of Cadell after school. This morning? You mean he's already. [01:00:14] Speaker B: All of this in the morning, before going to school, built the glass enclosure, [01:00:19] Speaker A: transported the rare endangered species from other planets, and came back. [01:00:24] Speaker B: And what time. [01:00:24] Speaker A: Wait, this all happened this morning when he went on the back porch to get milk? [01:00:28] Speaker B: Yes. Jesus. [01:00:30] Speaker A: What A long morning it's been. [01:00:31] Speaker B: Also, what time does the school day start? And what time does the store open? Because Ma had to go help Pa in the store. I guess she. She could be stocking the shelves or something before the store opens. [01:00:38] Speaker A: Well, I guess the authors of this did not think that we would actually think about an actual timeline in one day. [01:00:44] Speaker B: Author Leo Dorfman. [01:00:45] Speaker A: Okay. [01:00:49] Speaker B: Anyway. And doesn't he have to ride the bus to school? [01:00:53] Speaker A: Telling the country, I thought Paul Kent had a. Was a farmer, but I guess not. [01:00:58] Speaker B: Well, he was when they first adopted Superboy. Now he has the hardware store in town. General store. I don't know what kind of store it is. Anyway, now Clark's got to take this midterm exam. Kid L. Is watching. [01:01:17] Speaker A: Go. [01:01:17] Speaker B: It says education to be a snap for my super brain once I start attending class of my secret identity. Smart alec Clark's taking his test. He says I'll have to teach Kithel to avoid outshining the other students as I do. Straight A's might attract attention to his advanced mentality and unmask his super identity. Come on, Clark, you can get A's in school. You wear glasses. Everybody assumes you're a nerd. [01:01:43] Speaker A: We all had nerds in school. All right, I was one, but I wasn't a smart one. [01:01:48] Speaker B: The chemistry teacher has set up some kind of experiment which exploded. And he orders everyone from the room because it's creating dangerous gases. Clark sees only one way to handle it. He's got to blow the gas out of the open window. [01:02:09] Speaker A: Which is a clever solution. [01:02:11] Speaker B: Well, it's clever until also all of the exams are also blowing out the window. The teacher says the papers are scattered at class. I'm afraid you'll have to take that exam all over again. Groan. [01:02:25] Speaker A: That was a two hour examination. [01:02:27] Speaker B: Well, it's up to Superboy to fix this goof. [01:02:30] Speaker A: He flies into the air and retrieves all of the exams. And super speed. Yes, he sorts them out according to the student's handwriting because of course they didn't put their names at the top like we always do in classic mistake. [01:02:43] Speaker B: You gotta. That's the first thing you do is put your name at the top of the paper. [01:02:46] Speaker A: I guess they just didn't staple them. [01:02:49] Speaker B: Oh, that could be. Now he heads back home for lunch. [01:02:57] Speaker A: For lunch? That day is interminable. [01:03:00] Speaker B: Yeah, I did go home for lunch. [01:03:03] Speaker A: I know you did. Yes. [01:03:05] Speaker B: All right. When junior high school, I'd go home for lunch with Anita Harris and we'd eat green olives out of the Jar. Like that's all we would eat. [01:03:17] Speaker A: Wow. [01:03:17] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:03:19] Speaker A: Oh. [01:03:20] Speaker B: Made my mother so mad because she needed those olives for her martini. [01:03:22] Speaker A: Did they. Did they not have lunch at school? [01:03:26] Speaker B: They did. They had cafeteria. Or we could also bring our lunch to school. [01:03:31] Speaker A: And you would just go home and eat olives. [01:03:32] Speaker B: Well, we'd go home with. Yeah, it's Anita Harris. We'd have to gossip about this. [01:03:37] Speaker A: How many blocks was it from school to your house? [01:03:39] Speaker B: Three blocks. Nice. And Anita Harris was a cheerleader, so sometimes we'd walk home. She'd be in her cheerleader uniform. [01:03:46] Speaker A: Wow. [01:03:47] Speaker B: Yeah. Alright. He gets home for lunch. Kit L is gone. And it looks like he slipped down to the basement to Superboy's secret lab. And Superboy goes down and finds a stranger tinkering with a sample of hyperium, the super hard metal alloy I recently invented. [01:04:07] Speaker A: I'll give him the old heave ho. [01:04:09] Speaker B: Well, he grapples with the adult intruder and turns around and it's galloping galaxies. It's Kid L. All grown to manhood. Yes, Superboy. [01:04:18] Speaker A: I'm Kidd L grown to manhood. It just happened. [01:04:21] Speaker B: The milk I drank has caused me to age 30 years in a few hours. And I can't stop the evolutionary effect. [01:04:27] Speaker A: Gasp. [01:04:31] Speaker B: Now why doesn't the milk have the same accelerating effect on my body? [01:04:35] Speaker A: He answers. Kid El answers. I don't care. But you are to blame for this. I may die of old age before nightfall. [01:04:42] Speaker B: You're right, Kid L. It's my fault. I ignored the instructions we found in your basket. But what can I do? [01:04:48] Speaker A: Don't ask me. Just do something and fast. There isn't much time. [01:04:52] Speaker B: Wait. I've heard that people on the planet Geryon have solved the problems of old age. I'll fly there and see if their scientists can help you. [01:05:00] Speaker A: Hurry back or you may be too late. This is weird. [01:05:04] Speaker B: Superboy flies to Geryon. But the way that the inhabitants there have dealt with old age is by making like robot wheelchairs and walking chairs. Walking chairs. [01:05:17] Speaker A: And then automated surgeons. [01:05:19] Speaker B: Automated surgeons and force feeding tubes that pop out of the wall. [01:05:23] Speaker A: They don't use their arms to feed themselves. They just sit down, sit there and suck on a tube and get fed. [01:05:30] Speaker B: They feed us artificial foods and vitamins. Yes. We have the answer to everything. Except death. [01:05:38] Speaker A: Death. In spite of our scientific advances, we all eventually die. [01:05:44] Speaker B: They can only make life easier. They can't stop the aging process. I've struck out here. So it's just like Earth, except for the force feeding and the walking chairs. All right. Now Superboy thinks Kid L is Kryptonian. There's nothing but Kryptonite can really harm him. And besides, that aging effect may have stopped by now. I hope. [01:06:08] Speaker A: As Superboy returns home. Oh my God. Who does he see but the old doddering old man? [01:06:15] Speaker B: Doddering old kiddo with bald head and beard and stooped posture. Yes, I could have had a great career as a world famous hero. But you doomed me. [01:06:29] Speaker A: And then he sits down. [01:06:31] Speaker B: I'll soon die, so I'll write my will. Since you cants have been kind to me, I'll bequeath you the little I have my super costume and my baby basket and blankets. [01:06:43] Speaker A: So you've literally been in this house for a day. No one knows you're alive. You don't actually need to create a will to leave your possessions, which is your costume. A blanket and. A blanket and a basket. [01:06:56] Speaker B: They were going to take that anyway the minute you're dead. [01:06:58] Speaker A: Payment for carrying fee for a day. [01:07:01] Speaker B: Soon as Superboy walks in the nearby woods with his pet superdog. [01:07:06] Speaker A: Oh, Crypto. [01:07:10] Speaker B: He's anguished because Kid Hell will soon be dead and it'll all be my fault. And just then, he hears laughter behind him in the woods. Ha ha ha ha. [01:07:20] Speaker A: Hee hee. [01:07:21] Speaker B: It's Kithel. But all four of the Kithel's. Baby, teen man and old man. [01:07:27] Speaker A: Yes. What's going on? [01:07:29] Speaker B: That's right, Superboy. Our family really caught you with our little joke. [01:07:33] Speaker A: I'm Cor Solor of the planet Caprice. Caprice, Yeah, I get it. The others are my sons and my father. [01:07:41] Speaker B: We're so rich we can afford to travel all over the universe pulling practical jokes. [01:07:48] Speaker A: Can you imagine? [01:07:51] Speaker B: What does being rich have to do with it? [01:07:55] Speaker A: I mean, I suppose it's their way of life. [01:07:56] Speaker B: On Caprice, he leads them to a nearby cave where the spaceship is revealed. And they usher him inside to show him a cine record of some of our best gags. [01:08:08] Speaker A: Instead of being enraged, he says, Sounds like fun. Superboy says Superboy. So they watch a reel. [01:08:15] Speaker B: Yes. Here's what happened. When we used an intelligence ray in the zoos of the planet, the smart apes scared the daylights out of the ruling species because the apes are in a cage reading books. Yeah. [01:08:30] Speaker A: When then I wonder what happened. Do you think they broke away and it was like the Planet of the Apes? [01:08:35] Speaker B: If only right? [01:08:37] Speaker A: And then on this geyser world, we loaded the hot springs with super soap and turned the whole planet, the whole planet into a gigantic bubble bath. [01:08:45] Speaker B: That actually is A great gag. I would actually laugh at that. [01:08:48] Speaker A: Do you remember when they used to put soap in the Fountain of Stetson? [01:08:51] Speaker B: Yes. [01:08:52] Speaker A: I hated that so much. [01:08:53] Speaker B: Jello. Sometimes they put Jello. [01:08:54] Speaker A: Oh, God. And it was just the fountain. The poor fountain, like the. And of course, people would laugh and whatnot. And then the maintenance people would have to figure out a way to. To make it to come back to how it was. [01:09:06] Speaker B: Remember when Bobby Brady used too much detergent on Brady Bunch in the washing machine and flooded the whole kitchen with suds? [01:09:13] Speaker A: Did it? [01:09:13] Speaker B: Poor Alice. And Alice had to clean it up. [01:09:15] Speaker A: Of course, Bobby didn't have to do anything. [01:09:18] Speaker B: No. All right, now, how'd you happen to pick on me? [01:09:22] Speaker A: You jokesters, we watched your exploits on our Tri D monitor and said, say, [01:09:32] Speaker B: why don't we pull a gag on Superboy? [01:09:34] Speaker A: Splendid. I think I know just the thing, but it will take some planning. The grandfather says. [01:09:39] Speaker B: Yeah. So they studied the customs and language of Krypton, which they'd happened to record before it was destroyed. And now that the little baby has learned Kryptonese, they can start for Earth and perpetuate the greatest practical joke of all time. I don't know. It's hard to top the Geyser bubble bath. [01:10:00] Speaker A: It works because your audience of. The audience who will receive the practical joke is an audience of three, whereas the other one was an entire planet. [01:10:08] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:10:09] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:10:10] Speaker B: All right. Because everyone from our world has super strength. We tricked you into thinking we had other superpowers, too. [01:10:17] Speaker A: That's right. You never flew. Or used supervision or invulnerability. [01:10:22] Speaker B: Now. [01:10:23] Speaker A: Bullshit. [01:10:23] Speaker B: Before we leave, this souvenir book records the details of the super spoof we put over on you. How about autographing it, Superboy? [01:10:32] Speaker A: Sure. No hard feelings. Really. Okay. But a few minutes later when the visitors try to take off. So long, Superboy. [01:10:41] Speaker B: But the ship is not starting. Nope. I'm pressing the power activator. But we're not moving the fuel. It's turned to milk. We're stranded. We'll never get back to Caprice, Superboy says. [01:10:54] Speaker A: Wow. Who'd have thought milk could cause so much trouble? [01:10:58] Speaker B: But don't get into stew, boys. Here's your fuel. I hunted up your ship and pulled the switch two hours ago. What? [01:11:06] Speaker A: You already knew about us. [01:11:07] Speaker B: How? It's simple. You overplayed your hand. If those blankets were from Krypton, they'd have been indestructible. Even a super strong baby couldn't have torn them. [01:11:17] Speaker A: It wasn't until I was returning from Geryon that the truth dawned on me. Then I searched with my X ray vision and found their ship. [01:11:25] Speaker B: Aha. There's the ship I've been looking for. Just as I thought. There are three aliens who played Kid El and they're watching a forth on a monitor. [01:11:32] Speaker A: I figured since you liked practical jokes so much, I'd play one of my own. [01:11:36] Speaker B: Ha ha ha. You really have. [01:11:42] Speaker A: Soon as the cosmic comedians zoom spaceward. Goodbye, Superboy. It's been fun meeting you so long. [01:11:49] Speaker B: And believe me, it's even more fun seeing you. I have to think that even, like, if a super powered baby. Okay, a baby couldn't rip a blanket. So it does check that a super baby couldn't rip Kryptonian fabric, Right? But I don't think we could say that all Kryptonian fabric is indestructible to a Kryptonian. [01:12:22] Speaker A: Okay, that's a small criticism. [01:12:25] Speaker B: Sure, Very small. In an issue with lots of room for criticism. [01:12:32] Speaker A: He's gonna have to get home. This has been one day. [01:12:35] Speaker B: One day. [01:12:36] Speaker A: What happens tomorrow? [01:12:39] Speaker B: Who knows? And I wonder if he passed that chemistry final. [01:12:44] Speaker A: Probably. [01:12:45] Speaker B: Probably got a B. Yeah, just play it safe. Well, you can find us on social media, unless you're blind. Ogocheckpod. You can rate and review us wherever you get your podcasts from. You can find us on our sister podcast, Nerd Orchestra. And you can find us right back here next week with Dr. Husband's favorite superhero, Green Lantern. [01:13:10] Speaker A: Well, that sounds like fun. Bye. Maybe living in the dark can't help [01:13:19] Speaker B: wondering why Wondering why. [01:13:24] Speaker A: So we're kicking up the head to [01:13:25] Speaker B: cross [01:13:29] Speaker A: to look inside your mind.