School Daze (Action Comics 349)

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Are you ready? [00:00:00] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:00:01] Speaker A: Are you with it? Yeah. Okay, let's go. [00:00:04] Speaker B: You know what to do. [00:00:05] Speaker A: The whole world's watching and counting on you. And all you people listening out there. Everybody everywhere. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Welcome to Checkered Past, a loving postmodern examination of the. [00:00:20] Speaker B: Go. Go. [00:00:21] Speaker A: Check. Branded comic magazines published by DC Comics between February 1966 and August 1967. I'm Dr. Bob, and each week I'll be your guide on this trippy tour through 535 mid century masterpieces of graphic noveldom. This Week, Action Comics 349. Cover date April 1967. Cover price, $0.12. Cover artists Kurt Swan and George Klein. Edited by Mort Wisinger. Featuring the Face of Fear, written by Leo Dorfman. Art by Wayne Boring. And Supergirl's Black Deeds written by Otto Binder. Art by Jim Mooney. Are you ready? Are you with it? Then away we go. Go. Open up your eyes Take a look at the world around you don't you [00:01:19] Speaker B: want to lend a helping hand? Try it on your. [00:01:31] Speaker A: Intercrime, an international criminal organization, offers a $2 million reward for killing Superman. Dr. Kane, a ruthless scientist, wants the reward himself, so he develops Project Green, a method of replacing his own blood with liquid kryptonite. Meanwhile, Linda Danvers is puzzled by a series of strange events at Stanhope College in which she herself is gu guilty of questionable behavior. First, she seems to have written an essay denouncing Supergirl. Then she appears to have cheated on a test. Next, she appears to have helped crooks steal charity money. And finally, she steals a trophy from another girl. Confused? Don't worry, I'll be right back with doctor Husband to explain everything. [00:02:29] Speaker B: I wish I. Was that one. I wish. [00:02:46] Speaker A: Boy. [00:02:47] Speaker B: What? [00:02:48] Speaker A: Oh, nothing. I actually don't have anything to say. Just, you know, I like to start out the podcast making some kind of noise. [00:02:57] Speaker B: I know, I know. Look how sunny and beautiful it is outside. [00:03:00] Speaker A: Very sunny and beautiful. [00:03:04] Speaker B: Yes. [00:03:05] Speaker A: Well, how's your day been? [00:03:06] Speaker B: Oh, okay. Okay, okay. It's good. It's good right now. Yeah. [00:03:11] Speaker A: Yes. [00:03:12] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, it started early. [00:03:14] Speaker A: Oh, yes. [00:03:15] Speaker B: I woke up way, way, way too early. [00:03:17] Speaker A: Well, you wake up with the sun. You're like a. Now that you live in the country, that's the way it's done. [00:03:23] Speaker B: I wake up with the sun. Yes. So I woke up and took care of the dogs and such. And by the time I was finished with everything, it was 6:30 and anyway, I did a little bit of studying and then we went to church together today. [00:03:34] Speaker A: Yes. To Meet the very bishop. [00:03:37] Speaker B: The bishop of West Virginia. And that was fun. And then we went. We stumbled down to the farmer's market. [00:03:44] Speaker A: Yes. We walked. I don't think we stumbled. [00:03:48] Speaker B: I mean the brick lined streets, you know, we live in. [00:03:51] Speaker A: Well, you made it sound like we were drunk from the night before. [00:03:54] Speaker B: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. [00:03:55] Speaker A: We did go to the wine shop though. [00:03:57] Speaker B: We perambulated. [00:03:58] Speaker A: Yes, yes. [00:04:00] Speaker B: And then we did go to the wine shop. [00:04:01] Speaker A: Yes. [00:04:02] Speaker B: And talked to the wine steward. [00:04:04] Speaker A: He's very knowledgeable. He knows what we like. [00:04:07] Speaker B: He does. So we got a couple of bottles of rose. [00:04:12] Speaker A: Yes, we'll tell you about that later. [00:04:13] Speaker B: Yes. And then I sat in the parking lot while you went to the food line. Then we came home and we had already eaten at church. [00:04:23] Speaker A: Yes. [00:04:23] Speaker B: And I took a nap. [00:04:25] Speaker A: Did ya? [00:04:26] Speaker B: Yeah, hour and a half. [00:04:27] Speaker A: It was great. [00:04:28] Speaker B: I needed that. And here we are. And I'm looking forward to podcasting with you about these comics, or rather this comic, but these two stories in one. [00:04:36] Speaker A: Two stories at one comic. [00:04:38] Speaker B: Yes. And then unfortunately I need to do [00:04:40] Speaker A: some studying after Happy Solstice. Anyway. Happy Solstice. Write something on a piece of paper and then burn it later. [00:04:48] Speaker B: Yeah, that'll. [00:04:49] Speaker A: It'll come true. Or you'll get rid of it. I can't remember the details. [00:04:54] Speaker B: Well, we do both. We have done both, I should say. Yes, yes, yes. Written intentions or discarded things for the year. Right, right, right. [00:05:07] Speaker A: Typically [00:05:10] Speaker B: we don't do this actually on. On summer solstice. [00:05:13] Speaker A: No, Winter solstice. [00:05:14] Speaker B: We do Winter solstice. [00:05:15] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, we have some listener feedback. [00:05:20] Speaker B: We do not. [00:05:20] Speaker A: Yeah, so you know, we were talking about Spooky, the tough little ghost last week and a listener writes that he does indeed have an animal nose, like goofy. [00:05:35] Speaker B: Okay. [00:05:36] Speaker A: But no ears. Oh, so he can't be an animal. Okay, so listeners theory is that he's the ghost of a circus clown. [00:05:44] Speaker B: Oh, okay. [00:05:45] Speaker A: But I countered with okay, what if he's. Since he's tough. What if he was like a junkyard dog or something and he was. Got his ears ripped off and that's how he died. [00:05:59] Speaker B: God. [00:06:00] Speaker A: Okay, but listeners as junkyard dogs do not wear doibees. Okay, but doybies are very popular with clowns, so we might be onto something. [00:06:15] Speaker B: Okay, okay, so junkyard dog, rather. What was that? The name of the ghost. Sorry, I got Spooky. [00:06:22] Speaker A: Tough little ghost. [00:06:23] Speaker B: Spooky. Yeah. [00:06:26] Speaker A: Although as I explained, due to my deep knowledge of Harvey comics, I know at least Casper is not the ghost of a dead child. Casper was created as a fantastical creature, okay? A ghost from start to finish. [00:06:47] Speaker B: Does Casper have ears? [00:06:48] Speaker A: Casper does not have ears. [00:06:50] Speaker B: Okay? [00:06:52] Speaker A: And also Casper has a normal nose, not a dog nose. Yes, but he is in fact Spooky's cousin. Okay, so maybe somewhere, somebody, I don't know how the dog DNA got in [00:07:06] Speaker B: there, sprang forth from the ghost equivalent of Athena's forehead. [00:07:10] Speaker A: Yes. [00:07:11] Speaker B: Wait, is that right? Athena's forehead? [00:07:13] Speaker A: Well, Athena sprang from Zeus's forehead. [00:07:15] Speaker B: Okay, yes. [00:07:18] Speaker A: Yeah, maybe they came out of. Now, I don't know how hot stuffed little devil figures into this, but God, [00:07:26] Speaker B: I had never read any of these comics you're talking about. [00:07:29] Speaker A: You never read Casper the Ghost? [00:07:30] Speaker B: No. [00:07:32] Speaker A: What? [00:07:32] Speaker B: Why? Why would I read Casper? [00:07:34] Speaker A: Because they're adorable and charming in the whole. Richie Rich and Casper and hot stuffed little devil and Stumbo the Giant Wendy the Good Little Witch Nightmare. The ghost horse. There's a ghost horse? [00:07:45] Speaker B: Wow. Wow. It's a whole world, isn't it? [00:07:48] Speaker A: Little Dot. Little Lotta. [00:07:52] Speaker B: That's what I call Junebug. Little Lotta. [00:07:54] Speaker A: Well, it fits. An apt name for her little Dots. Uncles had their own title. [00:08:02] Speaker B: Wow. Yeah. [00:08:04] Speaker A: Little Lotus Food Land. [00:08:06] Speaker B: Wow. [00:08:07] Speaker A: Richie Rich Millions, Richard Zillions. Richie Rich Super Richie. [00:08:16] Speaker B: Now, I did watch the Richie Rich cartoon in the 1980s. [00:08:19] Speaker A: Well, that was garbage. [00:08:20] Speaker B: It was. It was garbage. [00:08:22] Speaker A: As was the Richie Rich movie. As was the Casper movie. Frankly, the comics are where it's at. And there was Richie Rich and Casper where they teamed up. And Richie always thought he was dreaming, but he wasn't. He's just being taken to magic fairyland where Casper lived. And sometimes Wendy would help them. [00:08:41] Speaker B: Wow. [00:08:41] Speaker A: Wendy teamed up with the new kids on the block. What? Yes. Well, you don't know what you've been missing. [00:08:50] Speaker B: I guess not. [00:08:51] Speaker A: I'm gonna have to hook you up. [00:08:52] Speaker B: No, please. [00:08:54] Speaker A: Maybe when we get done with this, I'll do a Harvey Comics podcast. [00:08:58] Speaker B: We'll negotiate. [00:09:00] Speaker A: Due to my encyclopedia, we have to [00:09:02] Speaker B: do our Love Boat podcast. [00:09:03] Speaker A: I know. We had someone at church asked about it today. We gotta come up with a name. I was thinking Love Bros. No. What? [00:09:13] Speaker B: I love something better than that. Love Rose. Sounds like to something two straight guys would. Would. Would. [00:09:20] Speaker A: We could pass off as straight. [00:09:22] Speaker B: We're far too entertaining to pass office. No offense to my dear straight friends out there. [00:09:29] Speaker A: How about set a course for adventure? That's too long for a title. [00:09:34] Speaker B: It is? Yeah. [00:09:36] Speaker A: I'll workshop it. [00:09:37] Speaker B: Workshop it? Yeah. Well, I mean, our friend has suggested the Love Pod, you know, but I'm not sure about that. [00:09:45] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:09:46] Speaker B: I mean, I like it. It's funny when we say it, but I'm not sure that's good. [00:09:50] Speaker A: I will ask ChatGPT about it. Yeah. [00:09:52] Speaker B: I mean, the title for this Checkered Past is fantastic. So. [00:09:56] Speaker A: Well, I came up with that all on my own years and years before we ever started the podcast. [00:10:01] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:10:02] Speaker A: Can't believe we're still going. [00:10:03] Speaker B: I know, right? [00:10:04] Speaker A: 332 episodes now. [00:10:07] Speaker B: How is that possible? [00:10:08] Speaker A: I don't know, but we're winding down. We're only probably end up with about 4, 10. [00:10:13] Speaker B: You've been saying, saying we're winding down for 10 years. [00:10:17] Speaker A: Well, it's true. It's really happening now. Let's see. We've been watching the World War II with Tom Hanks documentary on the History Channel. Fantastic. It's giving me a whole new appreciation for our war comics. [00:10:33] Speaker B: Yes. [00:10:33] Speaker A: Although they've yet to mention any haunted [00:10:36] Speaker B: tanks in the documentary. [00:10:38] Speaker A: In the documentary. [00:10:39] Speaker B: There's a shocking lack of haunted tanks in the documentary. [00:10:43] Speaker A: But there are lots of tanks. [00:10:45] Speaker B: Yes. [00:10:45] Speaker A: And they can move fast. I guess I didn't understand how fast they could go. [00:10:49] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:10:49] Speaker A: I thought they were big, clunking, hulking things. [00:10:51] Speaker B: No, they're horrible. Very fast, like trucks. [00:10:55] Speaker A: I guess that's why they need haunted, so the. They can. I don't know where I'm going with that. [00:11:02] Speaker B: Right. [00:11:03] Speaker A: All right, well, let's see. [00:11:05] Speaker B: I just want to talk about this week we have coming up. [00:11:07] Speaker A: Yes. [00:11:09] Speaker B: So let's see. [00:11:10] Speaker A: You have rehearsals, rehearsal every night. As you know, I'm music directing the Little Mermaid at the local theatrical company. [00:11:19] Speaker B: And I'm finishing my class this week. [00:11:22] Speaker A: Yes. [00:11:23] Speaker B: In managerial accounting. [00:11:25] Speaker A: Thank goodness. [00:11:26] Speaker B: Yes. You'll be so relieved. I will be so relieved. And I have decided not to continue on this track. [00:11:34] Speaker A: Gasp. [00:11:34] Speaker B: Yes, gasp. In Spanish, as a matter of fact. Yes. So I have. If I won't go into details, but if you're a friend of mine and you want to talk about it, feel free to reach out to me. [00:11:45] Speaker A: If you're not a friend, just message me at gogocheckpods. I'll tell you all about it. [00:11:50] Speaker B: Yes, yes. But I've just decided it's not really aligned with my career aspirations and what I want to do. But it has been a grueling slog, especially the last few chapters, as the knowledge becomes cumulative and you're drawing upon things you've been drawing and it's been an accelerated pace. The course is seven weeks long, and I am very, very, very grateful that it is coming to a Close. But this week. So in addition to my course coming to a close at the end of next week, see, I have a flute lesson on Tuesday, so. And I'm really excited about that because. Because I have almost learned the very last polka of. Of my assignment of polkas. And they're all coming slowly, coming up to the tempo they're supposed to be at. I play Irish flute. Yes. And so that's kind of fun. And next I will start learning reels, which is sort of the sort of tunes that you're used to hearing in. I mean, you hear polkas and don't know they're polkas because they aren't like. They're different sort of things. They sound like Irish tunes. So then it'll be reels and then [00:13:02] Speaker A: jigs after that, say, then we can have a bar and dance. [00:13:06] Speaker B: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And I had. I had a guitar lesson last week which was. Went really, really beautifully. And so I'm pausing with that for July. And I'm not pausing playing, but those lessons will pause. Let's see what I have coming up on Friday. I'm gonna go see a play. A friend of mine has directed a play down in Arlington. And you, of course, have rehearsal. [00:13:30] Speaker A: Of course. [00:13:30] Speaker B: So I'm going to make an evening of my own and go down and. [00:13:34] Speaker A: Hey, now. Yeah. [00:13:36] Speaker B: Drive down there, have dinner somewhere, and then go see a play. It's a dark comedy by English playwright. Um, So I cannot remember the title of the play right now. Oh, it will come to me. Here we go. I'm just gonna look it up on the face place. I mean, on my schedule. The Edge of the Universe is. Is the name of the players. Sorry. And I'm going to see. Don't know. [00:14:06] Speaker A: Okay. [00:14:07] Speaker B: There we go. [00:14:08] Speaker A: Okay. [00:14:08] Speaker B: So that is the. The. That is the name of the. Of the theater company, the Edge of the Universe. It's a mix. They're equity players in this as well, so it'll be. It's a professional production. [00:14:19] Speaker A: Sure. [00:14:19] Speaker B: Yeah. So I'm looking forward to that. [00:14:22] Speaker A: Well, I've got a full body dermatological scan, so that'll be fun. [00:14:26] Speaker B: I saw that on my calendar because we share certain. [00:14:29] Speaker A: You did? [00:14:30] Speaker B: Yes. I mean, it says dermatology appointment on my calendar. I'm not having a dermatology appointment. But then you told me that you were doing that, so. [00:14:37] Speaker A: Yeah, I've never had one. Apparently it only takes 10 minutes. [00:14:40] Speaker B: Well, yes, I just sort of. This scan over your entire body, so get. Get ready for that. [00:14:46] Speaker A: Oh, I'm ready. Yeah. [00:14:49] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. And then. Oh, I'm so excited. Well, I guess we'll podcast next weekend. [00:14:54] Speaker A: Sure. [00:14:54] Speaker B: So next weekend I'll talk about what's happening the week after that. [00:14:57] Speaker A: Okay. [00:14:58] Speaker B: That's my first full week because, you know, like, as soon as we ended the semester at school, I went right into writing that chapter. Right. For the book. And I finished that chapter and submitted that. And then, of course, I was in my class. So I've been like all day long, pretty much five to six days a week. I've been up at my office, at my desk just writing or studying or, you know, whatever. So I am really looking forward to. With the new month of July, my official summer starting. Yeah. [00:15:28] Speaker A: And then it ends. [00:15:29] Speaker B: Well, yeah, I have to. I have to start planning. I'm reworking one of my vocal pedagogy course, which of course needs to be reworked. [00:15:38] Speaker A: Yes. Now don't leave that until the last minute. [00:15:41] Speaker B: I have gotten into the habit. [00:15:42] Speaker A: You've been burned in the past. [00:15:43] Speaker B: I know. And this is not something that I can leave to the last minute because the course itself uses two different textbooks and I'm sticking with the one that is now. So if any one listener will care. But I used a lot of Richard Miller in the previous version of this class. [00:16:01] Speaker A: That's too complicated for undergraduates. [00:16:02] Speaker B: It's far too complicated for undergraduates. And he since passed on. So you can't even get the book anymore. [00:16:06] Speaker A: No. [00:16:06] Speaker B: Yeah. So anyway, I have to pull that out and rework the course. [00:16:12] Speaker A: I mean, I can wait to the last minute because I don't care. Like you. [00:16:15] Speaker B: I do care. Right. [00:16:17] Speaker A: Yeah. So. Yes. [00:16:19] Speaker B: Well, I've. I mean, the lucky. The good thing is I've taught this several times, so it's more like stretching it out. I'm a very visual person. I'll lay it out on the table and sort of modules and figure out. Okay, what's. What's gonna happen. And this is the first time I've taught the course where it used to be a three credit course, it's a two credit course. So I have to pull out some of the comprehensive content. Yeah, good. I don't know. Anyway, so that's. That's where we are right now. And so we're gonna move on to Action Comics. Right. [00:16:44] Speaker A: Action comics number 349. Speaking of pulling things out, there's a mummy on the COVID pulling all these bandages off. So. Superman, you wanted me to remove my bandages. Feast your eyes. Unwrap, unwrap, unwrap, unwrap. [00:16:59] Speaker B: Superman. No, I can't look. [00:17:00] Speaker A: Cover it up. Superman's horrified. [00:17:03] Speaker B: Yeah, what are you supposed to do something there, Joan Crawford? [00:17:06] Speaker A: Well, I don't know. I guess we're gonna find out. It's our very favorite quote, unquote Superman artist, Wayne Boreing. Who is this? [00:17:16] Speaker B: The one who like, draws Superman in such a way that it looks like they just took a statue of Superman and was throwing it around. [00:17:22] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, right there on the splash page. A mannequin of Superman's being chucked through the air by the mummy. Great Krypton. This character in the band aid suit is making a fall guy out of our favorite hero. How does he manage it? Better jack up your nerves for this one. Because even Superman will be thunderstruck when the mummy unmasks and reveals the face of fear one day in the secret laboratory of Intercrime, International crime syndicate and foe of Interpol. [00:18:00] Speaker B: Now, have we encountered Intercrime before? Because I don't remember us. [00:18:03] Speaker A: I don't believe we have. I didn't think so. I'm not even sure we've encountered Interpol. Although I know that Interpol is an actual thing that exists. I'm not sure about Intercrime. I don't think those gentlemen are quite that organized. [00:18:19] Speaker B: Yeah, I want to do this guy's voice. Is this the guy who eventually does take on the first guy, the doctor? No, no, no. I want to see. I want to do the voice of the guy who will. Will become the foe. Okay, so I will wait. I will reserve that. But when that comes, I get to do his voice. [00:18:41] Speaker A: Okay, so in the Inter crime laboratory, there's a doctor speaking with a patient. The patient has volunteered for Project Green. Do you understand, patient, that this may cost you your life? [00:18:57] Speaker B: It'll be worth the gamble if I can kill Superman, yes. [00:19:00] Speaker A: If you succeed in your assignment, that reward is yours. A cool $2 million Project Green will [00:19:07] Speaker B: mean plenty of long green for me. Come on, Dr. Kane, let's. Let's get this show on the road. [00:19:12] Speaker A: Tense moments later, he's hooked up to a machine. His pulse is normal, his blood pressure is normal. His cardiac coordinates check perfectly. [00:19:21] Speaker B: Start the transfusion. [00:19:23] Speaker A: They begin a transfusion of crystal, like green liquid fluid. [00:19:26] Speaker B: Oh, do they? They don't say what it is. [00:19:29] Speaker A: Oh, sorry. Spoiler alert. [00:19:31] Speaker B: Yes, thank you. [00:19:32] Speaker A: It's green fluid. I don't know what it is. No, it's antifreeze, all right. It's the most daring experiment of this doctor's scientific career. And if it succeeds, Superman will be at the mercy of Intercrime. [00:19:46] Speaker B: Months later. Later, as Intercrime's leaders meet. Now we understand. We'll understand soon why it's months later. [00:19:52] Speaker A: Yes. [00:19:52] Speaker B: Watch those radar blips. Gentlemen, you are about to witness a spectacular event in the annals of crime. [00:19:58] Speaker A: This guy looks like Mr. Luthor, but he isn't. [00:20:01] Speaker B: He does. So at that moment, halfway around the [00:20:03] Speaker A: world, halfway around way round the world, [00:20:06] Speaker B: there's an historic occasion as representatives of the UN Are there to observe a destruction of the deadliest collection of doomsday weapons from the arsenals of the world. So they've taken all of the weapons and instead of disarming them and melting down them and using the scrap for other things, they've decided just to bury them in the Arctic. [00:20:26] Speaker A: Right. They're going to sink the weapons under the Arctic ice which will save Earth from. From a possible holocaust that could shatter the planet. [00:20:36] Speaker B: Again, they could have removed the explosive materials and repurposed the metal. But no, they're just gonna sink them under. That's always a good thing. Take your highly volatile weapons which are filled with poisonous chemicals and all sorts of destructive things and sink them under the Arctic ice shelf. [00:20:55] Speaker A: We have all delegates from all over the world. Helpfully, they are dressed in their stereotypical native costume. [00:21:03] Speaker B: Oh, I see. [00:21:04] Speaker A: They are for meetings. The UN However, a sinister shadow looms overhead of the UN plane that's going to sink all these weapons. It's Intercrime. Now, they've already got $2 million on the hook. If they kill Superman. Now they've got an additional $1 million to blast the UN plane and hijack all the weapons. Now they're. [00:21:33] Speaker B: That's all they say. Like, they don't talk about any more about their plans other than that they're to use their small jet. [00:21:39] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:39] Speaker B: To blast the plane and hijack the weapons. And the weapons are substantial. [00:21:45] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:45] Speaker B: I don't know what they're gonna do. [00:21:47] Speaker A: It's like an entire valley full of weapons. Advanced weaponry. Meanwhile, in Innercrime's. Wherever they were when they were looking at the radar, they're still working at looking at the radar. They see blips. But just then a third blip coming [00:22:04] Speaker B: out of nowhere at a tremendous blinding speed. [00:22:08] Speaker A: Blinding speed. [00:22:09] Speaker B: Well, of course we know who that is. [00:22:10] Speaker A: Of course you do. [00:22:11] Speaker B: It's Superman. Answering the alert with eye blurring velocity. Relax, gentlemen. The UN arranged for Superman to be tuned into our special frequent. Superman is just bashing the missiles that are being aimed at the UN plane. [00:22:29] Speaker A: He's kicking one away, he's grabbing another. [00:22:32] Speaker B: Then he grabs the jet that contains the people that are running in the Intercrime and pulls it backwards against its strongest accelerating forces. [00:22:45] Speaker A: Yes, he's taking them to the air piracy prison. [00:22:49] Speaker B: He's taken into prison for air piracy. [00:22:52] Speaker A: All right. He switches back to Clark Kent. Meanwhile, at Intercrime headquarters. [00:22:57] Speaker B: Whether there's nothing else about that like we don't know. We assume they've sunk all of the weapons successfully under the Ark of. [00:23:07] Speaker A: Sure, Superman helped. [00:23:08] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:23:09] Speaker A: They've gotten the bad news that they just lost their plane, their crew and the $1 million. And that's, we learn, the fourth big job that Superman has put a stop to this month. But the big boss is reminded that they have one ace in the hole. Project Green. [00:23:30] Speaker B: We have an ace in the hole, Mr. Chairman. Remember project Green. [00:23:34] Speaker A: Ah, yes, Kane. It's the experiment you say will spell doom for Superman. I'd like to see what progress you've made. [00:23:42] Speaker B: I'm creating kryptonite, man, by replacing the blood of this inner crime volunteer with liquid green Kryptonite. [00:23:48] Speaker A: Terr. [00:23:49] Speaker B: Horrific. [00:23:49] Speaker A: Kryptonite is the only substance that's poisonous to Superman. A kryptonite, man, could destroy him. But kryptonite is the shattered remains of Superman's own planet. Krypton. It's solid. How did you liquefy it? [00:24:01] Speaker B: I developed that secret ray that breaks it down into serum which can replace human blood. [00:24:07] Speaker A: So you used chemistry? [00:24:08] Speaker B: Yeah. It's just a slow process. [00:24:10] Speaker A: Turn anything into liquid. [00:24:13] Speaker B: The volunteer's body will tolerate only a few drops of kryptonite each day. But eventually his entire bloodstream will be replaced by liquid chaos. [00:24:21] Speaker A: Sounds great. When do we see results? [00:24:23] Speaker B: His arm and body of his. Part of his body have already turned green. In a few more weeks, he'll be [00:24:29] Speaker A: a living kryptonite trap ready to KO Superman for keeps. This time we can't miss. [00:24:35] Speaker B: Suddenly, the pain. [00:24:37] Speaker A: The patient starts flailing about. [00:24:39] Speaker B: The diagnostician. Something's gone wrong with the experiment. [00:24:43] Speaker A: I misread that Diagnosticon. [00:24:46] Speaker B: Oh, you're right. I thought it was. He was screaming for the diagnostician. [00:24:49] Speaker A: No, it's. The machine is called the Diagnosticon. If they'd put a label on it. [00:24:53] Speaker B: Yes, Check and check the patient under the fluoroscope. He's dead. A severe physiological reaction to the kryptonite ions in his bloodstream. [00:25:03] Speaker A: Then Project Green has failed. Couldn't they tell he was dead without putting a fluoroscope over him? [00:25:09] Speaker B: Yeah, and look. [00:25:10] Speaker A: He's dead. [00:25:10] Speaker B: His eyes are wide open, his mouth's open again. [00:25:12] Speaker A: And he has several extra organs. Looks like. Well, it's a force. Or else he's missing a lung. [00:25:20] Speaker B: It looks like he's missing a lung. Wow. [00:25:24] Speaker A: What. [00:25:24] Speaker B: What is that? Now? Was that a heart over his. [00:25:28] Speaker A: Well, there's a heart and then what's that Colon? [00:25:32] Speaker B: That's not a. [00:25:33] Speaker A: He doesn't seem to have a diaphragm or an intestines. [00:25:37] Speaker B: No. [00:25:37] Speaker A: Or a rib cage. [00:25:40] Speaker B: Well, anyway. [00:25:41] Speaker A: No. [00:25:43] Speaker B: So what are they gonna do? He says that the project has failed. He goes, no, this is the guy's voice I'm doing. No, it only requires a minor adjustment in the body chemistry. I'll prove it. I'll take the transfusion. [00:25:55] Speaker A: So you want to be Dr. Kryptonite. Okay. Kill Superman and that two million dollar reward is yours. [00:26:01] Speaker B: And as the project continues, he thinks to himself, I deliberately fouled up the last experiment so I could become Dr. Kryptonite. With the reward, I can retire to a tropical island, live like a king. Yeah. King Kane in the months that follow. Oh, go ahead. [00:26:21] Speaker A: I'm not. I guess $2 million did go a lot farther in 1967. [00:26:25] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:26:25] Speaker A: Yes. But I don't know that if he could buy an island. [00:26:28] Speaker B: Sure you could. With $2 million. You think a small island, maybe. [00:26:33] Speaker A: Oh, he didn't say he's going to buy it. [00:26:34] Speaker B: He's just going to just live like a king. [00:26:35] Speaker A: Retire there. [00:26:36] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:26:38] Speaker A: Once at one of my positions, I worked with some gentlemen from West Africa and they told me that I should move to West Africa. They said I would be a king. Like a king there. [00:26:50] Speaker B: Why? [00:26:50] Speaker A: I don't know. They just. [00:26:53] Speaker B: They must not have known that you were a confirmed bachelor. [00:26:57] Speaker A: Well, I don't think that matters so much these days in West Africa. I mean, I think honestly it's because I was, I'm going to say muscular. But really, what I mean to say is fat. Because when I was in college with. I know West Africa is not near India, but the Indians would always say, namaste, morte lala. And morte lala is a term for a great big fat man who's fat because they're prosperous. [00:27:31] Speaker B: Oh, I see. [00:27:31] Speaker A: So I think it was that along those same lines that if you're fat, you must be considered process smart, rich. [00:27:38] Speaker B: Okay. [00:27:39] Speaker A: So that's why I'm going to move to West Africa next week and rule their land. [00:27:44] Speaker B: Okay. You don't mind about it. Sure. I've got a full schedule next week. [00:27:49] Speaker A: Well, you've got your class. [00:27:50] Speaker B: Yes. [00:27:50] Speaker A: Your play. You won't miss me this whole Little mermaid business. That's all a ruse so that I can get to West Africa and establish my kingdom. [00:28:00] Speaker B: Which of the pets are you taking? [00:28:02] Speaker A: The cat. [00:28:03] Speaker B: Oh, okay. [00:28:05] Speaker A: I think that's an offering. That's the most useful animal to have in West Africa, don't you agree? [00:28:10] Speaker B: A cat? Sure. In the months that follow, he's lying on the table there and he goes. The process is working perfectly. All bodily functions are normal. I'm on the brink of success. [00:28:22] Speaker A: And finally, on the triumphant day. [00:28:24] Speaker B: Gentlemen, the transfusion. Oh, I regret doing this voice. I'm stifling a cough every time I say a word. [00:28:31] Speaker A: Sure. [00:28:32] Speaker B: Gentlemen, the transfusion is completed. My body is pulsing with liquid K living with anti Superman weapon. [00:28:41] Speaker A: I'm Dr. Kryptonite. But how do we know you'll affect Superman the way normal kryptonite does? [00:28:51] Speaker B: Well, I have an idea. Kryptonite is poisonous to anyone from the planet Krypton. That includes Superman. Superdog Krypto. I'll attend this ceremony and use him as a guinea pig. No, not crypto. Not Crypto. [00:29:04] Speaker A: Well, crypto is attending the canine college graduation where the graduates are all dogs, just to be clear. They are tackling an obstacle course. And we learn that when they graduate they'll be trained for every security job from army sentry duty to police patrol. [00:29:27] Speaker B: And apparently crypto has had some hand in training them. [00:29:31] Speaker A: Yes, he's a teacher at the canine college. Also, Crypto, as drawn by Wayne Boring, [00:29:41] Speaker B: is a lean hound dog with pointy ears. [00:29:44] Speaker A: Like a. Like a Doberman. [00:29:47] Speaker B: Yes, a white Doberman. [00:29:48] Speaker A: A white Doberman that has just seconds ago been molded out of clay and not. We haven't refined the sculpture yet. [00:30:00] Speaker B: Yeah, his muscular. His musculature is. Would be concerning for a veterinarian. Yes, that would be something they would look at and say, I think there's something wrong with this dog. Like his pecs. [00:30:14] Speaker A: Yeah, like as if he were a bodybuilding dog. [00:30:18] Speaker B: Yeah, look at his pecs. [00:30:21] Speaker A: I know. And his. What do you call the shoulder muscles? Deltoids. [00:30:27] Speaker B: Deltoids. [00:30:29] Speaker A: It's just crazy. Also, he can't keep his tongue in his mouth. [00:30:34] Speaker B: Well, you wouldn't be able to with all those massive muscles. Like, I mean, that's the kind of thing that when you look at a dog and you go, oh, that poor dog, he's probably got some tumors or something. [00:30:45] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. Like, remember when that was, that there was that little kid, like the 8 year old kid that was the bodybuilder and he looked like a horrible freak. [00:30:56] Speaker B: Freak Yeah, I think he grew out [00:30:58] Speaker A: of it, but yeah. So Krypto is very proud of his students. But as the ceremony ends, he sees a furtive figure. Now, these trainers have all been wearing those, you know, padded suits like they do for attack dog training. So Crypto sees another one. [00:31:18] Speaker B: It looks like he's breaking into a [00:31:20] Speaker A: building, the dorm or something. [00:31:22] Speaker B: So Krypto attacks him. [00:31:25] Speaker A: Because Krypto assumes he's after some canine college training secret secrets. [00:31:32] Speaker B: And when he attacks him, he pulls the man's glove off and it is glowing green. And Krypto feels weak and dizzy. [00:31:40] Speaker A: So this gentleman just snatches Krypto up by the tail. And soon Krypto is in the Intercrime headquarters. He's glowing green. [00:31:50] Speaker B: They poured liquid kryptonite all over him. Which should kill him. [00:31:57] Speaker A: I don't know that they poured it over. And that's the effect of kryptonite radiation on Kryptonians. It makes them start glowing green. Their skin turns green before they die. [00:32:08] Speaker B: I thought don't they say they poured a. Great work. Now we'll let this liquid finish off the Superman well. [00:32:15] Speaker A: Because the liquid is radioactive. [00:32:16] Speaker B: Oh, pray so it's just present. [00:32:18] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:32:19] Speaker B: But poor Krypto is unconscious. [00:32:21] Speaker A: Unconscious. However, they're gonna keep him alive because they need to use him as bait to trap Superman. So they put him in a kryptonite cage. They notice that Superman is appearing at a wrestling match. A charity wrestling match. The Metropolis arena, this very evening. Now, I'd been led to believe that wrestling by great American patriots was kind of trashy. But I guess not. If Superman could do it. Well, because it's not so bad to use wrestling. And to celebrate America, he is raising [00:33:03] Speaker B: money for a benefit. Oh, he's the charity. [00:33:08] Speaker A: Oh, so you don't have to pay to watch it on pay per view? Because I thought that's how Americans do it. [00:33:17] Speaker B: No, Americans subscribe. [00:33:21] Speaker A: Uh, oh, okay. Okay. I think I'm on board now. [00:33:25] Speaker B: Okay. So that evening at the Metropolis, as the Metropolis Marvel wrestles a picturesque tag team. Picturesque. He has beaten Boris the Beast Kid Vampire [00:33:37] Speaker A: and Iron Man Monaghan. [00:33:39] Speaker B: Yeah, and of course, you're right about this artist. He does not draw action. Well, no. [00:33:48] Speaker A: So Superman has, of course, had to hold back his strength so he won't really hurt the other wrestlers. But just then, a surprise contestant who challenged Superman, calling himself the Mummy. And we learn that the Mummy has. His bandages are coated with lead so Superman can't see underneath with his X Ray of vision. But as the match begins, the mummy secretly unwraps one finger. And suddenly, Superman feels weak. Pain piercing my body like a knife. [00:34:18] Speaker B: And he is beaten. [00:34:20] Speaker A: He is beaten. He's chucked aside like a toy Ken doll. The man of might is defeated. And Superman has no explanation. No, it felt like green kryptonite, but I saw none. Where did the mummy get such power? [00:34:36] Speaker B: He thinks to himself he doesn't say it out loud. [00:34:38] Speaker A: Right. [00:34:38] Speaker B: So the next day at the Daily Planet, where Superman works in his Clark Kent identity, Perry says, clark, here's a report of a UFO hovering over Metropolis. It's probably just another one of those kooky flying saucer rumors. [00:34:51] Speaker A: Perry's wrong. This UFO's the real thing. It's leaving Earth, though. [00:34:55] Speaker B: But this second story could be dynamite. The mummy is holding a press conference at the Savoy Hotel to explain how he beat Superman. Clark, you cover it. [00:35:04] Speaker A: Mmm. Yeah, that checks out. UFO hovering over Metropolis. Or the mummy wrestler giving a press conference. I'd go for the mummy story too. Sure, if I were the editor of the Daily Planet. [00:35:16] Speaker B: So soon. In the hotel auditorium. And now, gentlemen of the press, I will reveal the secret behind my defeat of the great Superman. [00:35:24] Speaker A: Wow, talk about suspense. What's behind those bandages? [00:35:27] Speaker B: As the mummy unmasks Gadda. So that's it. You're a kryptonite man. How'd you get that way? I'm a scientist, an admirer of Superman. I was searching for a kryptonite antidote when my experiment backfired. Meanwhile, in the rear of the darkened hall. [00:35:45] Speaker A: Gasp. It's Clark. I'm too near him now. Got to get out of here quick. If only I could reach the exit, But I'm too weak even to crawl. Wait, the hall's dark. I'll use my suction breath to pull that discarded tape toward me. [00:36:00] Speaker B: Now, this is discarded lead lined tape? [00:36:03] Speaker A: Yeah. Mm. Yeah, they're lead saturated tapes which are always lying. [00:36:08] Speaker B: Always lying around in the back of a hotel. [00:36:15] Speaker A: So Clark wraps himself up in the lead tape. He even has to cover his eyes to keep out the deadly rays. And still sheltered by the darkness, he flies out of the Hotel Savoy by tracking the sound of the ticking clock over the door. Well, brother, from now on he's got to steer clear of Dr. Kryptonite. You know, it's easier said than done. That week, a crime wave sweeps Metropolis. [00:36:45] Speaker B: So endocrine's holding up rich people to take some money, I guess. [00:36:49] Speaker A: Yes. [00:36:50] Speaker B: And, oh, a bank. Yes. But when Clark. Excuse me. When super mineral arrives. Dr. Kryptonite is there. Just making a deposit. [00:37:00] Speaker A: Yeah, I just came in to make a deposit. It's 1967. We don't have online banking. [00:37:05] Speaker B: What a coincidence. And when the inner crime organizes a prison break, they call for Superman. Four of the most dangerous convicts have gotten away in an armored car. [00:37:15] Speaker A: Yeah, but Superman flies after him. Unfortunate. Dr. Kryptonite just happens to be out for a drive right by the prison. [00:37:21] Speaker B: Makes Superman tumble out of the sky. [00:37:24] Speaker A: Just then, Intercrime agents hijack a submarine satellite, America's most advanced secret weapon. [00:37:31] Speaker B: Which looks like a Star Trek Enterprise. [00:37:33] Speaker A: Yeah, Starship. So Superman goes, but just what, what the luck? Dr. Kryptonite happens to be fishing. Fishing right by the pier. Later, as inter crime's leaders meet, Dr. Kryptonite is through toying with Superman. He's going to fish him off and collect his reward. And lure him into a trap with crypto as the bay. Oh, I hope they're giving him water. [00:38:02] Speaker B: Oh. And so, shortly after, a letter arrives [00:38:04] Speaker A: at the Planet office with Krypto's cape and a letter. Now, could it be a hoax? Probably not, since they sent his cape. So Superman takes off for Crater Mountain because, as you know, Metropolis is surrounded by volcanoes. [00:38:27] Speaker B: Metropolis is the strangest place. [00:38:30] Speaker A: Yeah, well, Smallville too, has several volcanoes and a seaside, as I recall. So how odd. Crater Mountain, an extinct volcano, is spewing out large metal globes which Superman can't X ray. They're made of lead. Looks like a trap. [00:38:51] Speaker B: But I remember correctly. [00:38:54] Speaker A: What? [00:38:55] Speaker B: The metal globes float are not even explained. [00:39:00] Speaker A: That's right, it checks out. [00:39:02] Speaker B: Yes, they're not explained at all. [00:39:04] Speaker A: Now, Superman is assuming there's going to be another ambush by Dr. Kryptonite, but he's got a device that he has used in the past to protect himself from kryptonite. He's going to go get it from his fortress. It's a lead suit. It's got a TV antenna on the top, a view screen inside because Zimmerman's whole face is covered. It's got a TV camera with a telescopic lens coming out of the suit at an unusual position. It's coming out of his crotch in case you need a visual. It's battery powered. And off he goes to crater Mountain where Dr. Kryptonite is waiting. Oh, that does explain. The other bubbles were gas filled decoys to capture Superman's attention. Oh, but he's protected by lead armor. So Dr. Kryptonite melts the antenna on the top, which means that suprem now cannot see through his TV view screen. [00:40:11] Speaker B: Oh, no. [00:40:11] Speaker A: Right. So he's going to have to rely on echolocation using his super hearing. [00:40:19] Speaker B: But Dr. Kryptonite uses a laser as a can opener. Yep, and peels. [00:40:24] Speaker A: Pops it. Right. [00:40:24] Speaker B: Open the lead suit off of Superman. [00:40:27] Speaker A: Dr. Kryptonite. And you have Krypto. You. Then you are working with Intercrime. [00:40:33] Speaker B: You get the message, Superman? They're paying me a cool 2 million bucks to polish you off. With that $2 million, I'll buy myself an island kingdom in the South Seas. Maybe I'll go down in history as King Kryptonite. [00:40:46] Speaker A: Now, Krypto's worried because he assumes that both he and Superman are goners. [00:40:52] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:40:52] Speaker A: But just then, from out of the sky, the UFO that Perry told Clark about appears. And as the spacecraft touches down, Superman recognizes the occupants. [00:41:07] Speaker B: I've seen these people before. [00:41:09] Speaker A: They are aliens from the planet Floridus, which Superman once visited. [00:41:15] Speaker B: There he is, the captive king who fled our world. [00:41:18] Speaker A: Yes, Earth's environment must have altered his shape. But his green color shows his chlorophyll makeup is still unchanged. I'll get him. With my compulsory, I'll free this strange beast. [00:41:30] Speaker B: We can use its cage to transport our king back to Floris. Wait. Another king? You're making a terrible mistake. [00:41:41] Speaker A: So he pleads for Superman to help him because he's being kidnapped. Sorry, I can't. We're helpless. You made us too weak even to get up. [00:41:52] Speaker B: As the green K is removed, Superman and Krypto recover. [00:41:56] Speaker A: Help. [00:41:56] Speaker B: Help. [00:41:58] Speaker A: What's he complaining about? He wanted to be a king, didn't he? And that's just what he'll be. The captive king of a whole planet. What irony. Because he was green as they are. Well, they are not green. They're pink. I think the colorist was drunk that afternoon. Because he was green as they are, they thought he too was a plant. Being Intercrime, he. [00:42:26] Speaker B: Oh, there's a camera. I guess he knows that inner crime is watching the members in a crime. You're probably watching us on the monitor. You saw your henchman get his just desserts, remember? Someday you'll all get what's coming to you. [00:42:40] Speaker A: Meh. We'll see. [00:42:42] Speaker B: Krypto's going raf. [00:42:43] Speaker A: Ruff. Krypto looks like one of those Chinese dragon with his tongue. [00:42:50] Speaker B: Badly done, artist. What's the artist's name? [00:42:53] Speaker A: Wayne Boring. [00:42:53] Speaker B: Wayne Boreing. Indeed. [00:42:55] Speaker A: The thing is, I've seen Crypto drawn by Wayne Boring before. And it doesn't look like this. I don't know what's happening. [00:43:02] Speaker B: He looks like some sort of beefed up greyhound. [00:43:05] Speaker A: Yes. Has any dog had more appearance variation than crypto? Dear Editor, I have not written this letter to compliment you or to report a boo boo, but to warn you. In 1903, a communist, Joseph Visarianovich Dzhugashvilay, chose to adopt the revolutionary name of Stalin. Translated into English, it means man of Steel. This is the same Stalin who became dictator of Russia. Watch it before the FBI accuses you and your man of Steel as communism. Well, as Desi Arnaz said to the press when Lucille Ball was accused of being a communist, there's only one thing read about Lucy and that's her hair. And even that's not real. [00:43:57] Speaker B: Oh, nice. [00:44:01] Speaker A: So Superman's not a communist. Everyone don't pan. [00:44:03] Speaker B: He's true blue. [00:44:04] Speaker A: Dear Editor, wow. Action number 344 was a terrific issue. If you're interested listener, you can find our discussion of Action 344 in episode 251, July 4th 4th, 2024. Action 344 was a terrific issue containing both the best Superman story in years and one of the most promising. Supergirl continued adventures for a long time. Superman's nightmare dreams was a true masterpiece. Batman's part in the story was neither forced nor ridiculous, but meshed smoothly into the plot. It was those wacky dreams with their gorgeously funny dialogue and art that really made the story a whopping success. Though I was in stitches throughout this uniquely entertaining tale, which, in case no one has noticed, had no real villain other than some red kryptonite dust and practically no action in the real world. The Fortress has so many weird things in it that I don't class it as real either. Irene Vardenoff, Lake Forest College, Lake Forest, Illinois. Well, Irene's still in college. I wonder if she's at a women's college like, apparently Stanhope College is where Supergirl attends. Did I say Supergirl? Yes, I did. Who's the best liked gal at Stanhope College? You know it. Supergirl. And who's become the most unpopular co ed on campus? [00:45:28] Speaker B: It's none other than her alter ego, Linda Danvers. [00:45:31] Speaker A: Well, she says co ed, so I guess it is a co ed Cold. Although we don't see any boys there. [00:45:35] Speaker B: We don't? Why would Linda cheat on a test? Aid criminals and steal? We challenge you to deduce the secret behind Supergirl's black deeds at Stanhope College. [00:45:48] Speaker A: One day, on the steps of a New campus building. It's a new library. And one more trip and they'll have all the old books moved from the old library. [00:45:57] Speaker B: That's right. [00:45:58] Speaker A: But shortly, to the dean's dismay. [00:46:01] Speaker B: Oh my. Sorry, ma', am. Our truck broke down. We'll have to call the garage for repairs. [00:46:06] Speaker A: Oh, dear. Then the books won't be transferred before the doors are due to open in one hour. [00:46:13] Speaker B: Well, they really did wait to the very last minute to set up the library. [00:46:17] Speaker A: Didn't complaining. Also, shame on me because I assumed it was a woman's college because it was 1967 and we have a female dean. [00:46:26] Speaker B: Yeah, shame on you. [00:46:28] Speaker A: Although, to be fair, there are no boys pictured except for these moving gentlemen. [00:46:34] Speaker B: Well, no, there are boys in the class, you just don't remember. [00:46:36] Speaker A: Oh, I see now. Okay, never mind. [00:46:39] Speaker B: Well, Supergirl is soon on the job. [00:46:43] Speaker A: She stacks all the books up in one giant stack and then takes them [00:46:46] Speaker B: right into the library and stacks them in their rightful places. [00:46:50] Speaker A: Organizes them according to the Dewey decimal system, of course. Wonderful. The new library can open on time. Thanks to you, Supergirl. You sure are a helper to Stan. [00:47:02] Speaker B: Hope. There's a good reason why Supergirl often aids Stanhope, for she later changes seclud in seclusion to one of the coeds. Poor thing. She has to wear that awful brown wig. [00:47:12] Speaker A: I know. Good thing I was around. Now back to my identity as Linda Danvers, student. And my next class in the English class. You remember what this is? [00:47:24] Speaker B: A college English class? [00:47:26] Speaker A: Yes. [00:47:28] Speaker B: A college English class. [00:47:31] Speaker A: Is it somehow have they traveled in time from the modern day back to 1967? [00:47:38] Speaker B: It is ridiculous what he's about to ask them to do. And the circumstances under which Linda gets to write her theme. [00:47:49] Speaker A: You all heard of Supergirl's latest deed to help the library. I want each of you to write a theme titled what I think of Supergirl. Do we write themes anymore? I used to love a theme. [00:48:04] Speaker B: Oh, I. I mean, I haven't been in a class where we write a theme. We call them Reflective Reflections, but yeah, themes. [00:48:12] Speaker A: Why don't you contact our friend. Friend in real life and friend of the podcast. [00:48:19] Speaker B: Yes. [00:48:20] Speaker A: Who's an English professor, and ask about if themes are still part of the curriculum. [00:48:25] Speaker B: I think I might. I dare you. Okay, so the English professor says, it seems we're short one piece of paper. We'll use this scrap paper, Ms. Danvers. I won't count as appearance against you. So he's given all the students the assignment to write a theme and given [00:48:41] Speaker A: them each one piece of paper. [00:48:43] Speaker B: One piece of paper for this collegiate level English class, right? [00:48:49] Speaker A: Yeah, but they didn't have enough. He didn't count carefully. He doesn't have enough paper. Scrap piece. [00:48:57] Speaker B: So she says, I don't want to flatter myself too much, yet I have to write in glowing terms about Supergirl as if I were someone else. [00:49:06] Speaker A: Later, as the teacher reads some of [00:49:08] Speaker B: the papers, in conclusion, Supergirl is our best friend and crime's worst enemy. All other themes were lavish in their praise of her too, except this one by Linda Danvers, which is terrible. I'll read it aloud. [00:49:24] Speaker A: So this is her. [00:49:25] Speaker B: This is considered her theme, right? [00:49:26] Speaker A: Yes. [00:49:27] Speaker B: What I Think of Supergirl by Linda Danvers. I think Supergirl is really vain. Vain and conceited. She does trivial feats. Stanhope owes her nothing. That's a college level theme. [00:49:42] Speaker A: Stanhope owes her nothing. Now, why did you write such a spiteful theme about Supergirl, Ms. Danvers? [00:49:49] Speaker B: I didn't. I don't remember writing anything like that. [00:49:51] Speaker A: Linda must be jealous of Supergirl. Ooh. [00:49:54] Speaker B: Later, as Linda sadly leaves. [00:49:56] Speaker A: Anyone who hates Supergirl is no friend of ours. Linda. [00:49:59] Speaker B: Linda thinks to herself, but I'm innocent. Yet I looked at the note and it was my own handwriting. How did this thing happen to me? Then later, the janitor says to her, I was cleaning up one of the. I was cleaning up the classroom and found this paper. Do you want it, miss? [00:50:16] Speaker A: Do I. This saves the day. I don't know how my theme got torn in half, but I'll show it to the professor right away. So, Linda, who is secretly Supergirl. [00:50:26] Speaker B: Yes. [00:50:28] Speaker A: Well, I'm gonna bring this up in a second, but I just wanna read [00:50:32] Speaker B: this college level theme in its entirety. [00:50:34] Speaker A: So it took past pieces of paper together. The theme had been ripped in half because apparently she wrote it landscape instead of portrait. [00:50:42] Speaker B: Portrait. What I Think of Supergirl by Linda Danvers. I think Supergirl is really wonderful, yet she is not vain and conceited. She does super deeds as easily as we do trivial feats. Stanhope owes her a gratitude, yet she asks for nothing. Exclamation point. That's her college level theme. [00:51:07] Speaker A: Also, she didn't remember that. She actually did use phrases like vain and conceited and trivial feats. [00:51:18] Speaker B: She remembers nothing. [00:51:20] Speaker A: She remembers nothing. But she should have remembered and come to the conclusion that, I mean, my mother the detective, would have immediately realized that half her paper was torn away. [00:51:34] Speaker B: Oh, absolutely. And of course, because this happened like this, immediately I go magic. [00:51:44] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:51:45] Speaker B: Because Superman and Supergirl are susceptible to Magic, right? So I'm like, okay, it's magic. What's I'm looking for? Like, I don't know, the super imp. [00:51:58] Speaker A: Ms. Mix. Ms. Mixpedliky Liptiz Miz. [00:52:03] Speaker B: Right, So I am expecting an imp from another dimension to be hiding around the corner doing something. Sure, right. [00:52:12] Speaker A: Gosh, Linda, we had you wrong. Join us for a Coke, will you? [00:52:15] Speaker B: I'll take a rain check. Girls. Right now I have an important Supergirl [00:52:20] Speaker A: appointment coming up soon at the town square. [00:52:24] Speaker B: Here comes Supergirl. She will officially open our community chest drive by taking the first turn on the thermometer of funds. Here's the sledgehammer, Supergirl. [00:52:33] Speaker A: Who needs it? Mr. Mayor. One little super pressure push of my finger and ding. She rang the bell. You know what it is, listeners? One of those strong women thermometers. Yeah. [00:52:44] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:52:45] Speaker A: So come on, folks, Supergirl, hit the top bell. Be super generous in meeting that quota. Fill the chest. Another change. And Linda Danvers is back in her next class, Home economics. For an exam. [00:53:00] Speaker B: Home economics in college? Well, oh, no, no. They did have home economics classes in college, but typically they were for. We actually had a home economics curriculum at my institution that was closed out during while I'd been here. It was phased out while I was here. [00:53:20] Speaker A: Your current institution. [00:53:21] Speaker B: Yes, but it was not called home economics. It was in slang, if you will. It was called home economics, but it was called something else. Well, I can't remember what it was called. [00:53:34] Speaker A: Honestly, I don't see a problem with it. Because it teaches things how to. [00:53:38] Speaker B: Like it was associated with our education sequence. It was like one of the ed degrees. Because Home EC used to be taught in high schools, Right? Right. [00:53:51] Speaker A: It's a very practical course of study. [00:53:53] Speaker B: Oh, yes. [00:53:54] Speaker A: Teaches you how to cook simple recipes. [00:53:55] Speaker B: It teaches you how to manage home finances. [00:53:57] Speaker A: Home finances, taxes. Yes. Budgeting, planning, sewing, how to sew a button on your shirt. [00:54:03] Speaker B: Yes. [00:54:04] Speaker A: It's something everyone should know, even boys. [00:54:07] Speaker B: Did I take Home EC once in high school? [00:54:10] Speaker A: I took in high school. We had to choose between. Oh, no, I think we had to take one of each. Home EC and industrial arts. [00:54:17] Speaker B: Oh, Jesus. [00:54:18] Speaker A: I was not good at industrial arts. No hammering and electric wiring? [00:54:24] Speaker B: No, I did home EC in junior high. Did you have middle school? Did you have junior high? [00:54:30] Speaker A: We had junior high. [00:54:31] Speaker B: Yeah, we did too. [00:54:34] Speaker A: Now, in home economics, they have a two part exam. First, a written test on the top 10 French recipes. Would you like to know what the top 10 French recipes are? [00:54:47] Speaker B: Coq au vin. [00:54:48] Speaker A: Coqq au vin is number two. Number one is beef bourguignon. [00:54:52] Speaker B: Of course. [00:54:53] Speaker A: Three, French onion soup. Four, ratatouille. [00:54:57] Speaker B: Wait, how do you know these? [00:54:59] Speaker A: I looked it up on the Internet. [00:55:00] Speaker B: Okay. [00:55:01] Speaker A: Five, cassoulet, which is a casserole with typically featuring white beans, duck confit, and pork. [00:55:11] Speaker B: Girl, I could hit a cassoulet right now. [00:55:12] Speaker A: Six, quiche lorraine. Seven, croque monsieur. [00:55:18] Speaker B: Croque monsieur. What is it? [00:55:19] Speaker A: It's a sandwich. Like a grilled sandwich with ham and bechamel sauce topped with melted cheese. Put an egg on top. That's a croque madame. Number eight, crepes. Number nine, bouillabaisse. Ten, tarte tatin, which I will be making as soon as I sign off on this. [00:55:38] Speaker B: You will. I know. [00:55:40] Speaker A: Which reminds me, listener, we've been watching Eva Longoria's tour of France, discovering France. I don't know what it's called. It's on Hulu. [00:55:51] Speaker B: So, Listener, you know that you may be aware that Stanley Tucci has a series about touring and eating his way through Italy, which is delightful. Yeah. And then Eva Longoria has done a lot of work in France, and over the years, she has learned to speak French. And of course, she speaks Spanish and French and English. [00:56:10] Speaker A: Yeah. But, you know, she didn't. She learned all those as an adult. [00:56:13] Speaker B: I know. She wasn't. [00:56:14] Speaker A: She didn't. [00:56:15] Speaker B: She was. [00:56:15] Speaker A: She was raised in America. Her father was Mexican, but he wouldn't allow them to speak Spanish in the home, so. [00:56:20] Speaker B: So she learned Spanish. [00:56:21] Speaker A: Spanish. And she's got another show about a Mexican soccer team that she bought into. I love Nakaxa. [00:56:28] Speaker B: Nakaxa. [00:56:30] Speaker A: She's everywhere. [00:56:31] Speaker B: She's amazing. So anyway, this. We love. You started watching this show. [00:56:35] Speaker A: I started watching it because I couldn't [00:56:37] Speaker B: sleep, and I was. And then I. Because we watched it a couple nights ago or something, I said, oh, my God, this is fantastic. It's fantastic. She was in Provence. Yeah. Oh, the food. [00:56:46] Speaker A: Oh, well, anyway, anyway, the written test and. [00:56:49] Speaker B: Oh, you were going to talk about what we're going to make tonight, Right? [00:56:53] Speaker A: I said tarte tatin. Tarte tatin. I don't know. [00:56:55] Speaker B: Well, also, salad nicoise. [00:56:57] Speaker A: Oh, nicoise. Oh, it's because we were watching AV Longoria last night, and they had a nicoise salad and a. Some kind of mixed peach and tomato salad. [00:57:10] Speaker B: Yeah. So we decided we're gonna have. [00:57:11] Speaker A: Well, I realized it was solstice today, so I thought, well, let's just have summery dish. Summery nicoise. And so that's why we went to the wine shop To. To get our fancy. [00:57:21] Speaker B: Yes. And you're making tarte tatin. [00:57:24] Speaker A: Tarte tatin, which is very simple. Apples upside down, caramelized apple tart, where the fruit is cooked in butter and sugar before being topped with pastry and baked. Although I found a shortcut way to do it, and I'm going to try it. My friend, a listener, says that it's the very best thing he's ever put in his mouth. [00:57:41] Speaker B: Yes. And you bake it at. [00:57:43] Speaker A: For. For like, three hours. [00:57:46] Speaker B: Yes. So it caramelizes. [00:57:47] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:57:48] Speaker B: The sugars caramelized. [00:57:49] Speaker A: Well, I'll be the judge of that. See how it works out. [00:57:51] Speaker B: Okay. [00:57:53] Speaker A: All right. Test on the top 10 French recipes and then a baking test. Linda's. It's easy A for me, because with my super memory, those 10 recipes are as easy as can be. But later, when the baking test begins, the electric oven doesn't seem to be working. Well, you should always use gas. [00:58:12] Speaker B: Yes. [00:58:15] Speaker A: So Linda steps in. She's gonna pretend she's fixing the heat, but she uses her heat vision through the glass door and focuses on the cakes. And the cakes are baking nicely. Suddenly, the teacher bursts in and says, cheating, eh? Linda says, oh, no. Did they see me using my supervision to heat the oven? Is my Supergirl identity exposed? No. It's a different kind of trouble. [00:58:39] Speaker B: Perhaps. [00:58:39] Speaker A: Perhaps worse. You had a perfect score in the written test, Linda, but you cheated. You had the 10 recipes secretly inscribed on your pearls all the time. [00:58:52] Speaker B: And this is exactly what happens in real life in college when a student is caught cheating. You proclaim their cheating out loud in front of everyone in the class. You don't do it privately or quietly. No, you. You do it. Always do it. Of course I'm being sarcastic, folks. If that happens, it is a very quiet conversation with the student, not a public shaming. Which is what's happened twice now with Linda. [00:59:15] Speaker A: I've zoomed in on her pearls, and I can't make out any of these top 10 recipes, except for one, pate foie gras, which I guess should get honorary mention. Although if you make it like my mother did, it just involves a blender, chicken livers and some heavy cream in a blender. Bob's your uncle again. Linda feels an eerie mystery closing around her. But I didn't mark those pearls. Why should I when I have a super memory? Who could have done it? Gulp. [00:59:48] Speaker B: Well, the teacher wants Linda expelled. [00:59:50] Speaker A: Yes. She's called the dean. And she's taken those pearls and hung them up precariously over a bowl of slop. [00:59:57] Speaker B: Vinegar. [00:59:59] Speaker A: So Linda has something going for her luck because the pearls. As the teacher takes a big loin of beef off a hook and knocks the pearls into a bowl of vinegar. [01:00:13] Speaker B: Everyone knows that pearls are cleaned in vinegar. [01:00:16] Speaker A: Oh, I didn't know that. [01:00:17] Speaker B: I didn't either. [01:00:19] Speaker A: My mother used to have some kind of jewelry cleaner, an electric thing plugged in, and I don't know what sort of liquid went in it, but you just dunk your jewelry in the liquid and turn the machine on. It would vibrate and vibrate and vibrate. Yes, I'm sure it was great for the jewelry because big chunks of stuff would fly off and float to the surface. Just like our great American reflecting pool on the National Mall. [01:00:43] Speaker B: Which trumps this has been vandalized. [01:00:46] Speaker A: Yes, it has been. By him. [01:00:51] Speaker B: All right. [01:00:51] Speaker A: The dean arrives and finds that there's no writing on the pearls. I don't understand. Ms. Todd, you're fired. Not true. She's tenure. She can't be fired. [01:01:03] Speaker B: But Linda says the necklace fell into vinegar, which is a well known cleaning agent for pearls. It erased those recipes and whew, I'm saved from the cheating charge. [01:01:13] Speaker A: Later in chemistry class, Ms. Danvers, your American history professor wants these fume producing chemicals for a demonstration of Indian smoke signals. [01:01:24] Speaker B: Which they teach in college. [01:01:26] Speaker A: What? [01:01:27] Speaker B: Which they teach in college. [01:01:28] Speaker A: Indian smoke signals. Sure. [01:01:30] Speaker B: Okay. [01:01:32] Speaker A: Shortly, join us for lunch, Linda. [01:01:35] Speaker B: Honestly, Linda should be stepping back and just saying, what exactly am I learning in college? [01:01:40] Speaker A: Yeah, well, we didn't say that. Linda is going to take the speaker fume producing chemicals over and put them in her purse. Deliver them after lunch. Shortly, join us for lunch, Linda. We're going to try that new place, the co Ed cook nook. They say it's fab. Sure, let's go. [01:01:58] Speaker B: I'm tired of the Stanhope Cafeteria anyway. [01:02:00] Speaker A: Well, they pass the community chest, which is now full of cash. They're still behind their $25,000 goal. [01:02:07] Speaker B: So he says. The security guard says we're still behind our $20,000 goal. Come on out, girls, help us out. [01:02:14] Speaker A: Okay, so they dig some dimes out of the bottom of their purse and toss. And Melinda accidentally tosses in these fume producing chemicals instead of money. [01:02:23] Speaker B: Well, see, I thought she was setting it on fire, but she wasn't. [01:02:26] Speaker A: No, just fumes. Don't worry. Don't worry, girls, because the smoke is harmless. But it seems that gimmick Gordon's gang is working nearby and they've got a special money vacuum [01:02:46] Speaker B: which can pull money out of a chest from 20ft away? [01:02:51] Speaker A: Yeah, sure. Well, it's a special money vacuum. Maybe you didn't read that part. Pulling all the money out of the community chest. Linda observes helplessly. Because she's unable to change Supergirl in front of her friends. [01:03:04] Speaker B: She could have used her super breath. [01:03:06] Speaker A: She could have. She doesn't understand why she did that. She's been doing everything wrong. And now she has aided and abetted a crime. [01:03:18] Speaker B: Later, as the history class meets outdoors, Linda brings more smoke making chemicals to the professor. [01:03:24] Speaker A: Oh, I love to have an outdoor class. [01:03:26] Speaker B: Who is dressed in a headdress. [01:03:28] Speaker A: Indian headdress. [01:03:29] Speaker B: Indian headdress. And there's a smoking pot. [01:03:33] Speaker A: Yes, smoking chemicals. [01:03:36] Speaker B: And she's producing smoke signals with a blanket or a cloth of some kind. [01:03:40] Speaker A: Well, why? She explains that the North American Indians used a blanket over a smoking fire to signal distant tribes by means of a code of spokesicles. Why didn't she just build a fire? Why did you need the fume inducing chemicals? [01:03:53] Speaker B: Because you can't throw a fire into a hope chest full of money and expect the money to survive. [01:04:04] Speaker A: The teacher didn't know about that. I don't know. Look. The smoke puffs combined into a sort of tornado spout, heading away from Skule, descending out of town, right on down on the getaway car of the gang who stole the community chest funds. She thinks the car is filling with smoke. The car fills with smoke. The crooks are forced to stop and get out of their car, giving the pursuing state troopers a chance to nab them. [01:04:30] Speaker B: That saves me from the stigma of having aided crime. Strange. [01:04:34] Speaker A: So you still did aid the crime, Linda. [01:04:36] Speaker B: You didn't. [01:04:36] Speaker A: You didn't erase the past. [01:04:38] Speaker B: Something's happened each time to get me out of a gem. But what's behind it all, she thinks. [01:04:43] Speaker A: That afternoon, as Linda changes to Supergirl for a special aquatic event. Jesus. [01:04:47] Speaker B: Supergirl has just got so much going on. She helped with the library. [01:04:52] Speaker A: Yes, she. [01:04:55] Speaker B: She launched the fundraising drive. And now she's attending a special aquatic event which the students. [01:05:04] Speaker A: It's a competition. The girls are competing for the Supergirl trophy that Supergirl made from gold she dug from miles underground. Soon, at the nearby river, she tosses the trophy into the river and tells the girls, whoever brings up the trophy gets to keep it. Go, girls. If you have trouble, my super tongs will fish you out. [01:05:27] Speaker B: Which is not being said by. It is being said by. It's not. [01:05:32] Speaker A: Secret girl. [01:05:33] Speaker B: Yeah, okay. [01:05:36] Speaker A: But suddenly, a supply barge passes by [01:05:40] Speaker B: and a giant tank full of chlorine [01:05:43] Speaker A: gas, which will endanger everyone. In the area. [01:05:48] Speaker B: Actually, chlorine gas is what they used in World War I. [01:05:53] Speaker A: Now, one of the girls gets the gold cup. The other girl accidentally strikes the tank of chlorine gas with her little mini tongs, which she's been supplied in case she found the trophy. [01:06:07] Speaker B: And chlorine gas starts to leak. [01:06:08] Speaker A: I don't know why the girls couldn't just grab the trophy with their hands, why they had to have these little tongs. The diving girls swim safely to shore. But the danger is not over. Supergirl smells chlorine gas, a deadly poison. It'll spread to Stanhope unless she acts fast. I'll use Super Breath to freeze the water. Now I'll lift this big ice cube out of the river with the chlorine gas inside. I can dump it safely in the Arctic, where it'll never thaw out. [01:06:38] Speaker B: Well, I guess the Arctic becomes the dumping ground for pretty much everything poisonous and horrible, right? [01:06:43] Speaker A: Also, guess what? It's thawing out now. Supergirl. What are you going to do about that? [01:06:47] Speaker B: Well, she's going to fly super fast. [01:06:49] Speaker A: Hmm. No, I meant the Arctic. [01:06:51] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Yeah. [01:06:53] Speaker A: 60 years later. Yeah, she didn't think that about that. She traveled through time. She should have known. [01:06:58] Speaker B: When the Maid of Steel returns to award her trophy. [01:07:01] Speaker A: Thanks, Supergirl, for using your heat vision to engrave my likeness on the gold cup. I'm so happy. [01:07:08] Speaker B: So it can only be used once, this gold cup? [01:07:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:07:12] Speaker B: Yeah. It gets the likeness of the girl who dove into the water and returned the trophy. And, well, I mean, I guess if [01:07:19] Speaker A: it's an annual event, she. Could Supergirl, use her heat vision to melt it? [01:07:22] Speaker B: Wipe it off. Yeah. [01:07:24] Speaker A: Do a new portrait. [01:07:27] Speaker B: Well, Supergirl has a feeling that there's an. [01:07:30] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:07:30] Speaker B: There's more unhappiness in store for Linda. [01:07:32] Speaker A: She's right. Because another terrible impulse for. Forces her to yank open Susan's locker. Susan was the winner with her super strength. And take her gold cup. [01:07:45] Speaker B: And then soon, when the theft is discovered. [01:07:48] Speaker A: My trophy. It's stolen. [01:07:50] Speaker B: S.O.B. [01:07:51] Speaker A: look. It's in Linda's locker. She took it. We'll report this to the dean presently [01:07:57] Speaker B: in the Dean's office. Susan refuses to press death charges. But you are expelled from Stanhope. Pack up and go, miss Danvers. [01:08:05] Speaker A: Oh, no. The worst has happened now. [01:08:08] Speaker B: But why? [01:08:09] Speaker A: Why? What a disgrace. I have to leave Stanhope and all the classmates I love. SOB first of all, the editor is asking us, can you guess the true solution to the weird events that have brought about Linda's downfall? How could we? [01:08:25] Speaker B: How could we? [01:08:27] Speaker A: We guessed magic, but that's not it. [01:08:29] Speaker B: For the answer, let's go up into space where an alien craft orbits the Earth. [01:08:34] Speaker A: My masterful moves finally got the super Earth girl expelled. That is checkmate for you, Corlo. So there are two aliens. [01:08:43] Speaker B: There are two aliens sitting at what appears to be some sort of checkers table or chess table. Chessboard. Moving people around. And the people and the objects refer. Are referencing what we've been seeing in the story. So the other one replies, yes, Corla, the gold cup did the job and you're checkmated. I admit you countered all my moves when I used my mental control beam to make Linda tear half her theme. To tear her theme in half. And mark those pearls and toss the smoke chemicals into the money chest. [01:09:16] Speaker A: The janitor finding the paper. The teacher knocking the pearls into vinegar. The smoke signals foiling the crooks. All clever rescue moves, Coral. Oh, but you lost. Not yet, Jaka. [01:09:28] Speaker B: I have another brilliant rescue move. [01:09:30] Speaker A: With this piece, I'm sending my mental control beam down to a co ed taking an afternoon nap. [01:09:39] Speaker B: Janet, Janet, you will walk in your sleep and take the gold cup from the Dean. [01:09:48] Speaker A: So Janet strolls right into the Dean's office, grabs that gold cup and. Janet. What are. She's walking in her sleep and doesn't know what she's doing. Now I see it all moments later [01:09:59] Speaker B: in Linda Danvers room. Linda, it's all a mistake. Janet took Susan's trophy from her locker and put it in yours while sleepwalking. You're not expelled. [01:10:08] Speaker A: Look at poor Janet's face. What the fuck? I'm a sleepwalker and a thief. Jesus. What the fuck? I've never sleepwalked before. What the fuck? Holy crap. I better hurry up and get my Mrs. Degree and get out of here. [01:10:34] Speaker B: Oh my God. I'm a sleep thief. [01:10:35] Speaker A: Wait a minute. A sleepwalker's never gonna find a husband. [01:10:39] Speaker B: Oh, no. I think I'm gonna have to become a homeless whore or something. [01:10:43] Speaker A: Or a lesbian and up in space. [01:10:49] Speaker B: Checkmate for you. You were so sure of yourself, Jaka. Boasting you could get Supergirls alter ego ousted from college. [01:10:58] Speaker A: And you claimed you could counter my every move. Well, you did, Corlo. The school day is over and so is our game. Linda's switched to Supergirl for her evening patrol. She'll never know we were behind her troubles. [01:11:11] Speaker B: She proved unbeatable though, with you helping her. Ah, ah, ah, ah. And that's it. [01:11:17] Speaker A: That's it. I didn't guess I was like you. I thought it was Ms. Gliptopism as somebody. [01:11:25] Speaker B: Whatever. And it wasn't. It wasn't two aliens having fun at a chessboard with real people. [01:11:31] Speaker A: Well, they stole this idea from Justice League when Despereaux played chess with our heroes or somebody. I don't remember who. [01:11:43] Speaker B: I just love your. What the fuck? I'm a sleepwalker. [01:11:47] Speaker A: Holy crap. Well, do you have anything else to add? [01:11:53] Speaker B: No, I think I've said enough. [01:11:55] Speaker A: You can find us on social media, ogocheckpod. You can rate and review us wherever you get your podcasts from. You can find us on our sister podcast, Nerd Orchestra. New episode just dropped. K pop Demon Hunters. And you can find us right back here next week with the thrilling conclusion to the adult Legion of Superheroes story. And also maybe my favorite Legion of Superheroes story of all time. [01:12:22] Speaker B: No way. [01:12:23] Speaker A: Two stories in the same issue. Yeah. Way cool. Yeah, it is pretty cool, isn't it? [01:12:29] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:12:30] Speaker A: Bye. I've got to get busy on my tar Tatin for the time is right [01:12:35] Speaker B: Things are clearing by We've been living in the dark can't help wondering why? Wondering why? So we're kicking out the hedge of brightness? Looking for where the might have been? Giving you a chance to look inside your mind? You be thrown up into mystery Life's not the way it used to be? Looking at you like thinking it all behind sa.