Buy One Get One (Batman 191)

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Are you ready? [00:00:00] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:00:01] Speaker A: Are you with it? [00:00:02] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:00:02] Speaker A: Ok, let's go. You know what to do. [00:00:05] Speaker C: The whole world's watching and counting on you. And all you people listening out there. Everybody everywhere. [00:00:13] Speaker A: Hang on, Hang on, hang on. Welcome to Checkered Past, a loving postmodern examination of the. Go. Go. Check. Branded comic magazines published by DC Comics between February 1966 and August 1967. I'm Dr. Bob and each week I'll be your guide on this trippy tour through 535 mid century masterpieces of graphic noveldom. This week, Batman 191. Cover date May 1967. Cover price $0.12. Cover artists Carmine Infantino and Murphy Anderson. Edited by Julius Schwartz. Featuring the Day Batman Sold out, written by John Broome. Art by Sheldon Moldoff and Joe Giella. And Alfred's Mystery Menu written by Gardner Fox. Art by Sheldon Moldoff and Joe Giella. Are you ready? Are you with it? Then away we go. Go. Open up your eyes Take a look at the world around you don't you want to lend a helping hand? [00:01:23] Speaker B: Try it on your side. [00:01:31] Speaker A: Ira Radon, a radiation expert and criminal, is apprehended by Batman during the fight. Radon is exposed to large doses of radiation. Though he survives the dose, his condition prevents him from committing any further crimes. Then Alfred is kidnapped by the Millionaire Mobster Club, a group of millionaire crooks. They demand that Alfred prepare a meal fit for a millionaire. [00:01:54] Speaker C: So? [00:01:55] Speaker A: So Alfred creates a menu which requires special ingredients. Confused? Don't worry. I'll be right back with doctor Husband to explain everything. [00:02:04] Speaker C: There was a boy in Arkansas who wouldn't listen to his ma when she told him that he should go to school. He'd sneak away in the afternoon, take a little walk. Then pretty soon you'd find him at the local auction barn. He'd stand and listen carefully. Then pretty soon he began to see how the auctioneer could talk so, so rapidly. He said, oh my, it's do or I've got to learn that auction cry. Gotta make my mark and be an auctioneer. $25 bidder now. $30. 30, will he give me 30? Make it 30. Bid at Obama. $30, will he give me 30? Who would have bid at a dollar? 30 bid? Thirty dollar bidding out 35. Will he gimme 35 to make it a 35 to bid at a 35. Who would have bid it at a $35 bid? [00:02:53] Speaker B: 5. [00:02:53] Speaker A: 5. 75. I would give you 80. [00:02:55] Speaker B: 80. [00:02:55] Speaker A: 80. 85. 85. 85. 99. An auctioneer. I don't know how it works. [00:03:00] Speaker B: Have you ever been to an auction? [00:03:03] Speaker A: Not, no. I've been to, like, a charity silent auction where you just walk around and write how much you're bidding. And of course, I just did buy something on ebay, but it was a set price. I didn't have to bid on it. [00:03:16] Speaker B: I've been to an auction just where the guy does that thing. [00:03:22] Speaker A: Did you bid? [00:03:23] Speaker B: I was a child. Oh, yes. [00:03:25] Speaker A: What were they selling? [00:03:26] Speaker B: Junk. [00:03:28] Speaker A: Then what? [00:03:29] Speaker B: I grew up poor. [00:03:30] Speaker A: So did I. [00:03:31] Speaker B: So we just, you know, went to the auction and bid on some shit and brought home some crap, you know, I don't know why we went. [00:03:39] Speaker A: Being poor is no novelty to me, Lady Catherine. [00:03:42] Speaker B: No. [00:03:44] Speaker A: Why'd they have to auction it off, though, then, if it was junk? [00:03:48] Speaker B: I mean, I don't know. I was a. I was a preteen. I went with my mother and stepfather and we. And my sister and probably a step sibling or two, you know, depending upon what year it was. And I don't know why. Like, they bought me a mattress there, which was so uncomfortable. [00:04:07] Speaker A: A used mattress at an auction? [00:04:10] Speaker B: Yes. Yes. It was New Smyrna Beach. You could only imagine the kind of things that they had at the auction. [00:04:16] Speaker A: Well, I think you'd rather sleep outside with the luna moths and mosquitoes. [00:04:22] Speaker B: I used to lay on that mattress and I could hear the springs going. You could probably poke through the smell. [00:04:29] Speaker A: Old people's smells, too. [00:04:32] Speaker B: Someone do that? They don't. They don't sell. They don't allow you to resell mattresses anymore. For a good reason. [00:04:37] Speaker A: Yeah, someone for sure died on that mattress. And then they sold it at an auction. [00:04:41] Speaker B: Hell, yeah. I'm sure. But I don't think we went to the auction just to buy the mattress, but I'm sure that was on the list. [00:04:50] Speaker A: We were poor. I was poor also. One time we went to Louisville, Kentucky, to visit my mother's cousin Joe. He was not right in the head. And of course, I wanted to investigate all the comic shops in town. So I asked where the phone book was, and he said it was in his bedroom with the phone. And I went in, and his mattress, it was, like, burned. The whole center of the mattress was a huge burn mark. [00:05:21] Speaker B: Good Lord. [00:05:22] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:05:23] Speaker B: Wow. [00:05:24] Speaker A: Which reminds me of a story. [00:05:26] Speaker B: Yes. [00:05:27] Speaker A: The fire house was on fire, and firemen came and there was someone inside the house. They got the guy outside the house and the mattress had caught on fire. And they asked him how did it. How did the fire start? And the man said, I don't know, it was on fire. When I lay down. What is this, a relative or. No, that's just a story I read. [00:05:50] Speaker B: Oh, okay. I don't know. It was a fireman I lay down. [00:05:53] Speaker A: It was an example of how people get used to their terrible circumstances and so they don't think to change it. They just. Mattress is on fire. When I lay down. [00:06:01] Speaker B: I know. When I lay down. Yeah, yeah. Well, let's see what else been going on? School starts. Officially. Classes start tomorrow. No, Monday. Monday. [00:06:11] Speaker A: Monday. [00:06:12] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. [00:06:13] Speaker A: By the time you hear this listener school will have started. [00:06:16] Speaker B: And I've been so busy this past week. [00:06:20] Speaker A: I know. You have. [00:06:21] Speaker B: Right, right. With. We have these. The faculty report back a week before and we have conference. [00:06:26] Speaker A: Well, not part time faculty. We don't have it easy. [00:06:29] Speaker B: So we just, you know, we had lots and lots of conferences and professional presentations and blah, blah, blah, and all these things. [00:06:36] Speaker A: That's what happens when you get benefits for working at a place unlike adjunct faculty. [00:06:43] Speaker B: I understand. [00:06:44] Speaker A: I know, but I have to advocate where I can. Yes, let's see. [00:06:48] Speaker B: But I do what I can to help you, don't I? [00:06:50] Speaker A: Yes, you absolutely do. [00:06:52] Speaker B: And the other voice faculty. Yes, yes. [00:06:55] Speaker A: Well, we had the debut of lanterns this week. [00:06:57] Speaker B: Oh, wow. Yes, it was. Was it just this week? [00:07:00] Speaker A: Yes. [00:07:01] Speaker B: God, what a long week. [00:07:02] Speaker A: I know. [00:07:03] Speaker B: I. I mean, I wasn't getting enough sleep every night, so it felt very long to me. [00:07:07] Speaker A: I wish that dog would stop barking. [00:07:09] Speaker B: Oh, there's a FedEx truck that just drove by. [00:07:11] Speaker A: Yeah, well, I liked it. How about you? [00:07:13] Speaker B: I loved it. I. I mean, I didn't love it. More like I really liked it. I didn't love it. [00:07:20] Speaker A: Milk pan. [00:07:20] Speaker B: Yeah, but I think it's going to grow on me. [00:07:22] Speaker A: Oh, sure. Well, there's a mystery course. [00:07:24] Speaker B: Of course. [00:07:25] Speaker A: I'm not going to give any spoilers away, except to tell you that Kyle Chandler remains a snack even though he's aging. [00:07:33] Speaker B: Yeah. And I know that the Manhunters are going to be somehow involved in this. [00:07:38] Speaker A: How do you know anything about the Manhunters? Because they are. [00:07:41] Speaker B: Oh. Because they're in the. Like the previews, whatever. And of course, I spent time this week Doing some. Watching some videos on the history of Green Lantern and the man, stuff like that. I mean, I knew a lot of this stuff anyway because I read the Green Lanterns, but. But I didn't. I was, you know, sort of making some sense of, like, timeline and how. Oh, God, Hal Jordan is overlapping with John. Not John. Yes, John Stewart. John Stewart. And where Guy Gardner comes into play with this. And I Guess Guy Gardner is actually going to be appear in this series. And how Guy Gardner was involved with that and the Manhunters and who they were and how they were created. I wanted to know all that sort of stuff, just like, sort of get an understanding. [00:08:27] Speaker A: You could have asked. I would have just told you all the time. [00:08:30] Speaker B: It's much more interesting for me to do my own research. I mean, it's. Honest to God, it's just passive. I just like, look up YouTube videos and people explain it. You can find a YouTube video for practically everything. Right. [00:08:40] Speaker A: Well, maybe I should do that then. Are these people making money off YouTube? [00:08:45] Speaker B: I can't imagine how they are because it's so niche and there are so many of them. You know, it's just. And it's. Some of it's AI generated content and it's awful. It's awful. Sure. Yeah. [00:08:56] Speaker A: Well, that's the future, my friend. You might as well get used to it. [00:08:59] Speaker B: Yeah, you'd think an AI generated video would be able to know how to say core. If it's spelled C O, R, P S. What do they say? [00:09:06] Speaker A: Corpse. [00:09:06] Speaker B: Green Lantern. [00:09:07] Speaker A: Corpse. [00:09:08] Speaker B: Yeah, like a dead Green Lantern. [00:09:12] Speaker A: Such things exist. What else? Ted Lasso's back. [00:09:17] Speaker B: Isn't that delightful? [00:09:18] Speaker A: Always sunny in Philadelphia. That came as a surprise. I wasn't even aware it was coming back. [00:09:22] Speaker B: I fell asleep during that episode. [00:09:24] Speaker A: Well, we'll watch it again. [00:09:25] Speaker B: Yeah, sure. [00:09:25] Speaker A: You know, I love Caitlin Olsen, currently starring in High Potential on ABC Television. Yeah, I don't have anything else to add except I'm very tired today. [00:09:38] Speaker B: Well, there goes the FedEx truck. So now. But we should stop. [00:09:40] Speaker A: I might have a nap after this. [00:09:42] Speaker B: Well, you know, I've already had one nap because I got up at 4 something this morning. [00:09:45] Speaker A: I wish you wouldn't do that. [00:09:47] Speaker B: I couldn't. I, I, I mean, I see, I got up, I was awake at 4 something, went to the restroom, of course, came back, right back to bed. And then I could not go back to sleep. And I lay there tossing and turning for an hour and I was like, well, I guess I'll just get up [00:10:03] Speaker A: and, and go downstairs and bang pots and pans around. [00:10:07] Speaker B: I actually did not mean to do that. When I went downstairs, I thought I went downstairs to have some hot milk, which is what I normally do, have [00:10:13] Speaker A: some hot milk with a little bit [00:10:14] Speaker B: of honey in it and some cinnamon. And then I can usually go back to sleep. But by the time I got downstairs, it was 5:45, the sun was coming up, and I just forgot. I normally would Go back upstairs and close the door so you wouldn't be bothered. And I forgot to do that this morning. I'm sorry about that. [00:10:30] Speaker A: Well, if I thought you did it on purpose, I'd be angry and hold it against you for the rest of my life. [00:10:35] Speaker B: Yeah. But then I did go back and take a little nap after. I worked for several hours, but it wasn't long enough, so I might have to take another nap. [00:10:44] Speaker A: Same. Speaking of auctions. Yes? Batman's selling everything he owns. Everything must go. [00:10:52] Speaker B: Can you believe it? [00:10:53] Speaker A: No. [00:10:54] Speaker B: And look at Robin. Or Dick Grayson. [00:10:59] Speaker A: Yes. [00:11:00] Speaker B: And the Alfred. Alfred. There's a whole story about Alfred in here. I couldn't think of his name. And poor Alfred. They're both crying. [00:11:07] Speaker A: People of Gotham City. That's Batman. Everything connected with Batman has been sold except for my uniform. Now, what am I bid? Well, are you gonna take it off right there on the stage, Batman? Because I think that would fetch a high price. Sure. 60s Batman. Adam West. What? [00:11:28] Speaker B: It's all right. [00:11:29] Speaker A: Well, I dare say you haven't seen him in his beefcake poses. No, I'm sure he looks pudgy in the Batman uniform, but he actually was jacked. [00:11:39] Speaker B: Really? [00:11:39] Speaker A: Yeah. Well, not jacked, but you know how people in the 60s. [00:11:42] Speaker B: 60s. [00:11:42] Speaker A: Jacked in shape, out of shape. [00:11:44] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:44] Speaker A: Yeah. All right. It's Batman, number 191. Like a bombshell, the announcement fell on Gotham City. Batman is calling it quits. He was even getting rid of everything connected with his career. His utility belt, Batarang, bat rope, Batmobile, bat uniform. All would go to the highest bidder at public auction. Not even the Boy Wonder could fathom the deadly secret which weighed down the Caped Crusader on the day Batman sold out. I think he could have donated it to a museum or sent it to the Justice League headquarters for safekeeping. I don't know why yet. [00:12:27] Speaker B: Uniform, Everything. All of it. Oh, sure. Well, [00:12:32] Speaker A: we don't want these gadgets out on the streets. Criminals could get a hold of them. [00:12:38] Speaker B: True. [00:12:39] Speaker A: Amid the hum and crackle of a subterranean atomic power reactor a man screams savagely. Batman, that wasn't very savage. Can you do it more savagely? [00:12:49] Speaker B: No, you do it, Batman. That's good. [00:12:54] Speaker A: Batman's come here to apprehend this gentleman. Apparently, because he's been conducting radioactive isotope robberies. He thinks he's on the verge of becoming the greatest criminal in the world. But one punch from Batman is enough to not do much because he keeps fighting. Because he's hysterical with fury. [00:13:19] Speaker B: Yes. So it's the guy's name is Radio. Where is it? [00:13:24] Speaker A: Ira Radon. [00:13:26] Speaker B: Ira Radon. And Batman picks him up and throws him into. Accidentally throws him in through an open door, which is an open door into a reactor chamber which irradiates Ira Raiden in a near lethal dose. [00:13:42] Speaker A: It's his own fault. He neglected to lock the door. Batman leaps to turn off the reactor, but Ira Radon screeches from the radiation chamber. I'll pay back for this, Batman. As you have done to me, so I will do to you. An eye for an eye, tooth for tooth. [00:14:01] Speaker B: I never meant to fling him through the door. But he would never believe that. [00:14:05] Speaker A: In the weeks that follow, the swathed form of what was once a master criminal lies quietly in a hospital bed. He's all wrapped up in bandages like negative men. [00:14:14] Speaker B: He says, I shall live, yet I can't see. I can't see through the text. [00:14:22] Speaker A: I can't see the text from my glasses, my bifocals also. [00:14:28] Speaker B: I shall live, yet I shall never be my old self. The radiation dose changed me metabolism so that if I should ever steal again, the radioactivity in my body, which I can never lose, will prove fatal. Because of thy expert knowledge of radiation, I know that the very act of stealing would cause a reaction to my glandular nervous systems which my body could not tolerate. Oh, p. Batman and his own coin. What he's done to me, I'll do because I must retire the. I must retire as a thief. Anyway, I can't. [00:15:08] Speaker A: In case you missed all that listener. [00:15:10] Speaker B: I'm sorry, I can't. I have to look down and then I'm not at the right angle with my trifocals to read with the actual print. [00:15:17] Speaker A: Apparently, Ira Radon's criminal career was a glandular condition. [00:15:24] Speaker B: Yeah, that's very strange. If he engages in stealing, his glandular and nervous system will react in such a way that he will die. [00:15:33] Speaker A: Yes, that's that. Yes, that's what we're reading. Yeah, I had to read it twice because I wasn't quite sure I understood, but that's exactly what it says. I mean, I think that would be an easy thing to not do, not commit crimes. [00:15:55] Speaker B: He says I'll force him to retire as a crime fighter, but first I must escape. [00:16:02] Speaker A: Yeah, so his revenge is going to be to force Batman to retire as a crime fighter since he has to retire as a criminal. [00:16:09] Speaker B: Yeah, I just said that. [00:16:11] Speaker A: But you said it in character voice. I want to make sure everyone understood of. [00:16:17] Speaker B: Have we become an ADA compliant podcast now? [00:16:21] Speaker A: Yes, because of. Speaking of Teaching? [00:16:25] Speaker B: Yes. [00:16:26] Speaker A: I had to rewrite all my syllabi and my entire online Brightspace course. And that wouldn't like. I have PDFs that come with the electronic textbook that cannot be converted to be ADA compliant. [00:16:42] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:16:44] Speaker A: And that's okay, are you sure? Because it gives me red flags. [00:16:48] Speaker B: Well, we don't have to be 100% ADA compliant until the spring. [00:16:52] Speaker A: Okay, good. [00:16:53] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:16:55] Speaker A: Because I can tell you the government agency that I do some work for insists on having double spaces after periods and documentation which is not ADA compliant. And I've raised the issue several times, and I'm done fighting. Yeah, I've given up. [00:17:18] Speaker B: And so, some months later, in the hall outside Police Commissioner Gordon's private office. [00:17:22] Speaker A: Commissioner, what's with the special news conference Batman has called in your office? [00:17:26] Speaker B: I know no more about it than you do. [00:17:28] Speaker A: Come in. [00:17:28] Speaker B: Gentlemen, I prepared the most important announcement of my career. [00:17:31] Speaker A: Television cameras, radio, microphones, pens and pencils. Wait expectantly as. [00:17:36] Speaker B: After I read my statement, copies. [00:17:39] Speaker A: Now. Why is Batman's voice compromised? [00:17:41] Speaker B: Cause he's speaking. He's standing in a room speaking in a microphone. [00:17:44] Speaker A: Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay. [00:17:46] Speaker B: After I read my statement, copies will be distributed to you. [00:17:49] Speaker C: Ready? [00:17:50] Speaker B: Here goes. Certain circumstances have arisen which compel me by their grim nature to give up my career as a crime fighter. [00:17:57] Speaker A: Gasp. [00:17:58] Speaker B: Right? Is that what he says? [00:18:01] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:18:01] Speaker B: Pandemonium explodes as the Caped Crusader concludes. Tomorrow at high noon, I'll in Gotham Square, I'll hold an auction to divest myself of everything collected in my career. Why are you doing this? [00:18:15] Speaker A: What? Are those grim circumstances compelling you to retire? [00:18:18] Speaker B: Does Robin know about your retirement? Will he carry on without you? [00:18:21] Speaker A: Is this a trick? Is your life in danger? [00:18:24] Speaker B: I will answer no questions. My statement reads as read. Stands as read. Stands as read. That's it. My statement stands as read. Yeah, that's it. [00:18:31] Speaker A: Please respect my family's privacy. In this time. [00:18:34] Speaker B: This time, I put thoughts and prayers, Batman. [00:18:35] Speaker A: So now the reporters turn on Commissioner Gordon. And a few hours, hours later, on his way home from school. Dick. Robin Grayson gets his first hint of the terrible truth. Robin doesn't even know what's going on. He's learning about it from the news. [00:18:48] Speaker B: Oh, and then somebody. He overhears somebody say, why would Batman do such a thing? [00:18:52] Speaker A: It's his secret, and he won't tell. Never has he run so fast as now. Do you mean to tell me that the ward of millionaire Bruce Wayne has to walk home from school to Stately Wait Manor which is certainly not in the center of town? Where's Alfred to pick him up in the limousine? [00:19:14] Speaker B: He's a very fit young man. He probably walks very quickly. [00:19:18] Speaker A: Well, I'm sure he could sprint the entire distance. But that would risk giving up his secret identity as Robin. I. I don't approve. Bursting into the book lined library, Dick slams the door shut and. Bruce, I'm hurt. Why didn't you tell me about this phony retirement? [00:19:40] Speaker B: My statement speaks for itself. Now, Dick, you'd better go to your room and study. Go to your room. [00:19:47] Speaker A: Dick is stabbed to the quick by those icy words. He stumbles blindly for the door with tears in his eyes. But he risks a glance back at Alfred, who's also has no idea what's going on. [00:19:59] Speaker B: Yeah. The following noon in Gotham Square. It's like the end of my world. He's even putting up my uniform for sale. What is. Oh, that's Robin. [00:20:09] Speaker A: That's Dick. [00:20:09] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:20:11] Speaker A: I'm now beginning the auction. What am I bid for the Bat rope? [00:20:15] Speaker B: One by one, the Bat objects are knocked down by the highest bidders. [00:20:19] Speaker A: Sold to that gentleman in the rear for $10,000. My trusted Batarang. [00:20:23] Speaker B: Even the police commissioner joins in the spirited bidding. His daughter Barbara at his side. [00:20:28] Speaker A: I'd sure like to have the hotline phone as a souvenir of my many pleasant associations with Batman. I bid $1,000. [00:20:36] Speaker B: Barbara thinks to herself, what will this mean to me as Batgirl? [00:20:40] Speaker A: Oh, make it all about yourself, Babs. It will mean nothing. You can still be Batgirl. In fact, you'll probably be number one spot in town. You know, she's coming up again soon. But Batgirl's only made one appearance in costume. Okay, I just find that remarkable. It seems like she's always been around. Hotline phone sells for $5,000 to the man in the checkered jacket who is not Commissioner Gordon because that's too rich for his blood. [00:21:11] Speaker B: The cheese stands alone. [00:21:13] Speaker A: And now, [00:21:16] Speaker B: Babs, the Batgirl. [00:21:18] Speaker A: The final moment has come. Only the world famous garment that has struck fear into the hearts of wrongdoers remains unsold. Now, what am I bid for my uniform? It, as well as the other items, can be redeemed tomorrow at the Wayne foundation by the auction winners. [00:21:36] Speaker B: Danny's pulling up his uniform. [00:21:37] Speaker A: I've arranged with the foundation to allot the auction money for the general welfare of Gotham City. Just like Batman, always thinking of the [00:21:45] Speaker B: good he can do for the people. What a man is Batman. [00:21:48] Speaker A: All right, the auction concludes. Batman's last official act is to swing into the van that holds his former possessions. And staring into television screens with mingled emotions in their hearts are a couple of Batman's longtime foes, the Penguin and the Joker. No more Batman. Egad, this is too good to be true. I can rob to my heart's delight, but oh, drat, the fun will be all gone out of it. Without Batman around to crow over [00:22:22] Speaker C: and [00:22:22] Speaker A: to sharpen my wits, stealing won't be worth stealing anymore. [00:22:27] Speaker B: What does a Joker sound like? Ah, I'm laughing, but my heart is breaking. I just finished working on a foolproof plan to defeat the masked Manhunter, and now he ups and quits on me. It's a low down dirty trick, Batman, bowing out at a time like this. [00:22:40] Speaker A: Haha. [00:22:41] Speaker B: What a joke to play on the Joker. [00:22:43] Speaker A: That's a good Joker. [00:22:44] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:22:46] Speaker A: All right. In the van, Batman strips off his uniform. Unfortunately, ladies, he's wearing long johns underneath. So now he's about to think through what the truth actually is because he dare not reveal it to the public. He was following two jewel thieves. He just hurled his last Batarang. [00:23:08] Speaker B: A sudden beam of light flashes just on the Batarang. [00:23:12] Speaker A: Yeah, and then disappears suddenly as it appeared. And later that night in the Batcave, he was examining his Bat weapons as per his usual. [00:23:22] Speaker B: And he noticed the radiation detector is showing that the Batarang is radioactive. Yeah, but then he remembers other nights when he'd been out combating crime with his bat weapons. And from time to time, there was a flash of light and he starts to think, wait a second. To his shocked dismay, he learned that all of his bat objects are contaminated. Robins are clean. [00:23:42] Speaker A: Robins are clean. [00:23:43] Speaker B: But he better check the Batmobile. Well, what happens when he checks his Batmobile? [00:23:47] Speaker A: Uh, well, some irradiated letters appear that say, you are finished, Batman. I have contaminated all your anti crime weapons. By this time, your body has absorbed just enough radioactivity to place you in my power. But I don't want you to die. I want you to live. Unable to function as a crime fighter, you must suffer as you have made me suffer. Auction off your bat possessions in full public view. Abandon your Batman role. Do not try to trick me or to fight crime in some other disguise. For just as criminals have a modus operandi, so too does a crime crusader like yourself. I would soon recognize your methods anywhere. Sooner or later, you would be bound to betray yourself, no matter how clever you think you are. The moment I learn you have deceived me, I shall intensify the radiation in your body and kill you. I did not Infect your body. [00:24:40] Speaker B: That's a lot to ride in the car. [00:24:41] Speaker A: I did not infect your body. What's all around the whole look. He's walking around the whole car. I did not infect your body directly with my radioactivity, for it would have killed you. And killing you is too easy a way out. Exposure to your infected bat weapons filled your body with just the proper amount of radiation for my purpose. So the choice is yours. Either denounce your career as Batman or continue on and be destroyed whenever I choose to intensify your body radiation. [00:25:09] Speaker B: When did he get time to etch all those words? Thank you. [00:25:12] Speaker A: That's what I was thinking, right? Did Batman just park and go get a soda or something? [00:25:18] Speaker B: Or something much longer than that? Maybe he took a bat dump somewhere, left the car parked. [00:25:26] Speaker A: He's gotta go somewhere. [00:25:28] Speaker B: Or maybe he stopped to get a pizza at a cup of coffee or a cup of coffee and a donut or something. [00:25:31] Speaker A: Sure, sure, sure, sure. Chatting up with the cops. Oh, sure. [00:25:35] Speaker B: And then it's, you know, Ira. What is his name? Radio Radon. [00:25:39] Speaker A: Ira Radon. [00:25:40] Speaker B: Ira Radon is out there just with little radioactive paint and a toothpick, scratching this whole missive out. Walking around the Batmobile, scratching it out. [00:25:53] Speaker A: Well, that's gonna be a expensive paint job. [00:25:56] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:25:56] Speaker A: Fix all that. [00:25:57] Speaker B: You know it. [00:25:59] Speaker A: All right. Batman realizes immediately that it's Ira Radon behind this. But he doesn't dare seek him out without risking into death. Therefore, Batman must bow out of the picture and inside the van while recalling that was all a flashback. Right now, Batman's inside the moving van. He's applying makeup and a blonde wig to his features because he doesn't want anyone to recognize Bruce Wayne, who's driving the van. One of his. I don't know. [00:26:29] Speaker B: Okay. [00:26:32] Speaker A: Next day at the Wayne Foundation, Batman pretends to be the person that bid $10,000 for the Batarang. Batman has sold the Batarang to himself by pointing at it to an imaginary person in the crowd. Meanwhile, Ira Radon in his safe house is reading the newspaper, wondering who bought all the bat weapons at such a high price. I've got to find out the buyers. It's a strange compulsion. But he investigates and discovers that all but one of the bat objects were bought by agents for the Wayne foundation, who wants to display the objects in its museum. That's fine. But who is the lone individual who put out $10,000 for the Batarang? His name is Andrew Kunkel. Why did he buy it? I must learn the Answer. My curiosity is overwhelming. So he tracks down Andrew Kunkel, who lives in a shack in the woods. Apparently, he's going to confront him, demand to know why he bought it and what he intends to do with it. Of course, he can no longer steal, because he'll die instantly. But he will be satisfied enough to know that he's left Gotham City wide open for other criminals. [00:27:51] Speaker B: Nice. [00:27:53] Speaker A: Inside the darkened house, he finds the Batarang hanging on the wall. But then he hears a mysterious clunk. Clank. Clank. [00:28:04] Speaker B: And this creature appears. This man. [00:28:07] Speaker A: I got really excited because I thought this would be clay face. [00:28:10] Speaker B: Me too. [00:28:10] Speaker A: But it's not. It's just a person covered in clay. Like a golem. A hollow. Here's your chance, Dr. Husband. A hollow booming voice blasts from the bizarre figure in clay. [00:28:26] Speaker B: Um, where? [00:28:28] Speaker C: What? [00:28:29] Speaker A: You are my prisoner. [00:28:30] Speaker B: Oh, you are my prisoner. [00:28:33] Speaker A: So that was your game? You lured me here with the Batarang to capture me? You blunderer. You've signed your own death warrant. I never gave Batman the death dose of radiation, but I'll give it to you. In three seconds, you'll be dead. [00:28:43] Speaker B: Moving with ponderous steps that shake the very house, the curious clay giant moves through that flood of lethal light. [00:28:48] Speaker A: And still alive. Somehow that clay is protecting you. But once I shatter it with this Batarang, another dose of radiation will finish you. [00:28:55] Speaker B: Awkwardly advancing, the clay figure grips. Ira Raiden. [00:28:59] Speaker A: That judo grip. The same one used on me. By now, I know who you are. I told you your modus operandi would betray you, Batman. [00:29:07] Speaker B: Now that I recognize you, you are dead, Batman. [00:29:09] Speaker A: You give me no choice now but to kill you by increasing the amount of radiation in your body with my intensifier. [00:29:14] Speaker B: Oh, so the clay man crashes Ira Raiden's hands and destroys the intensifier. [00:29:21] Speaker A: Yep. He wasted too much time talking. [00:29:22] Speaker B: Right. But I can still stop you. All I have to do is crack that clay armor you have on and shine my radiation beamer on you. This is your final fade out, Batman. [00:29:31] Speaker A: Die. Now Batman's finding it awkward to move inside his clay armor. [00:29:37] Speaker B: One's assume. I mean, it's gotta be wet, right? [00:29:40] Speaker A: I would think so. [00:29:42] Speaker B: Right? I mean, that would be hard to move. Yes. Arnold Schwarzenegger did it in Predator. He covered himself in wet clay. [00:29:54] Speaker A: I've never seen that movie. [00:29:55] Speaker B: Oh, it's a really good movie, actually. [00:29:58] Speaker A: Is it scary? [00:30:01] Speaker B: As scary as Alien was, Which is very scary, except not that scary, because it's really an action movie. Not. Not a horror movie. People die. [00:30:11] Speaker A: Yeah, which are people Die every day. Now, before either one of these blows can be completed Ira Radon has walked in front of his radiation machine and [00:30:29] Speaker B: given himself a fatal dose of radiation. [00:30:31] Speaker A: Yes. [00:30:32] Speaker B: He dies. [00:30:32] Speaker A: Yeah. His body absorbed. [00:30:35] Speaker B: We don't actually see him die. [00:30:36] Speaker A: No, but we do see him collapse. And Batman narrates his death. Removing his clay armor, the disguise. Batman phones Police Commissioner Gordon. Commissioner, I have no time to explain now, but please call another press conference from me at the Wayne Foundation. Batman is going to announce his comeback. [00:30:56] Speaker B: Yes. As the dramatic turnout is come. Wait, did we talk. Did he talk about heating the clay yet? [00:31:03] Speaker A: What? [00:31:03] Speaker B: Do we miss that about heating the clay? [00:31:06] Speaker A: No. [00:31:06] Speaker B: Okay. All right. [00:31:08] Speaker A: Batman announces his exit from retirement and explains all about that he deceived the killer by deceiving the good people of Gotham City and asks for their understanding and forgiveness. And later, in the Batcave, a happy reunion with Robin and Alfred. [00:31:26] Speaker B: Batman confesses to both of them. Much as I would have liked to confide in both of you I knew very well that if I had been killed, you'd go after my murderer. I couldn't risk you suffering the same fate I did. I concealed myself in clay because clay, when heated to 2,372 degrees Fahrenheit locks in radioactivity, which is how hot waste products are disposed of. The clay acted as a shield against radon's lethal blast. Okay, so here's my thing. [00:31:54] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:31:54] Speaker B: If you heat clay to 2000, 372 degrees doesn't it dry out and become solid? [00:32:00] Speaker A: Also, if you get inside of it when it's that hot, you'll die. Your skin will be stripped from your body. [00:32:07] Speaker B: Yeah, you would just be a bubbling pile of goo. If you're covered in clay and then you're heated to 2,372 degrees you are soup inside the clay. [00:32:15] Speaker A: Yeah, well, maybe those long johns he had on protected him somehow. [00:32:21] Speaker B: I don't know. I adapted electronic instruments developed by the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. [00:32:25] Speaker A: I've heard that. [00:32:27] Speaker B: For blind people. To enable me to see without eyes. [00:32:30] Speaker A: Yes, I read about that in Life magazine. It's called Earsight and works by the use of high frequency sound. [00:32:36] Speaker B: I think you meant boy's life. Of course. I remove the harmful radioactivity from these BET objects before putting them up for auction. Eventually, I'll have the radiation removed from my body too. How do you do that? [00:32:50] Speaker A: I don't know. Maybe Superman could. Superman can suck it out or something with his super suction. [00:32:56] Speaker B: Is it like in Silkwood, where they hold Batman magic shower brushes and Imagine in a painful shower where he screams. [00:33:03] Speaker A: Probably. Except he wouldn't scream. He's too manly for that. [00:33:09] Speaker B: Also a good movie. Have you ever seen Silkwood? [00:33:11] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. I used to love Life magazine. It's not published anymore, except in special editions. [00:33:19] Speaker B: I used to get Boys Life. [00:33:20] Speaker A: I didn't, but I got Ranger Rick and National Geographic World. [00:33:26] Speaker B: My grandmother bought me a subscription to Boys Life for years. It was so kind of her. [00:33:32] Speaker A: And I also, of course, I love Dynamite magazine. I wish they'd have an electronic backlog of that. You could read all the 70s stars and whatnot. Ah, those were the days. All right. He's removed all the radiation. He removed it from his body. And now Robin. How about going out on our nightly patrol in the Batmobile? Those words are sweet music. [00:33:57] Speaker B: Oh no. Batman hasn't had the radiation removed from his body yet. He says eventually I'll have the radiation removed from my body. But how about we go on Bat patrol? [00:34:06] Speaker A: Yeah, let's go so I can irradiate you and the car. Bye. Good hunting. Batman and Robin. [00:34:13] Speaker B: The end. [00:34:13] Speaker A: Well, don't panic, because there's another story. Two stories. [00:34:19] Speaker B: This next one features Alfred quite prominently. [00:34:23] Speaker A: Do you know when Alfred first appeared, he was short and fat like Alfred Hitchcock. [00:34:28] Speaker B: Really? [00:34:29] Speaker A: Yeah. It was a gourmet meal prepared for an exclusive club. But Alfred knew it would be the last supper he'd ever serve. Unless Batman and Robin crashed the party. Alfred's mystery mainew. Oh, main you. Thank you for saying mainew. Batman and Robin don't realize it, but by preventing this food store robbery, which they're preventing on the splash page, they are signing the death warrant of their butler, Alfred. [00:35:00] Speaker B: Yeah, they don't know it. Through the rain splattered streets of Gotham City sloshes the Batmobile and its nightly plum patrol. [00:35:09] Speaker A: We're batting zero tonight, Batman. No sign of criminals or Alfred. [00:35:13] Speaker B: Easy, Robin. We're both worried about Alfred and his mysterious disappearance. But things will work out. Like an eerie eye that scans the buildings past which the car glides with purring power. The Batmobile screen slowly revolves. Click, click. [00:35:27] Speaker A: It just isn't like Alfred to go off and not leave or send us a message. There isn't even a hint from our underworld grapevine connections about. [00:35:35] Speaker C: Hold it. [00:35:36] Speaker A: Listen. [00:35:37] Speaker B: The Bat radars revealed someone moving about in that fancy food store. [00:35:40] Speaker A: Food Ye Olde Food Specialties Shop S H O P P E. Yeah, alright. They race inside the store. I don't know how fancy this food specialty shop is because there's a can of something on the end cap there. Three for 89 cents. [00:35:58] Speaker B: Well, you know, in Ormond beach, there used to be that specialty food shop that I used to like to go to. [00:36:03] Speaker A: Oh, what? Where? [00:36:04] Speaker B: Do you remember your mother used to love to go there too. No, Something Gourmet. The Something Gourmet. [00:36:11] Speaker A: Where was it? [00:36:13] Speaker B: You go over in Ormond Beach. You go over the bridge away from the beach side, and it would just be on the left hand side. [00:36:21] Speaker A: The seafood market? [00:36:23] Speaker B: No, no, no, no. It was. But it was before you got to the comic book store. Okay, yeah. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. It was on the beach side. It was on. I'm sorry, it was. It was before. It was close to that place, the Billy's. [00:36:36] Speaker A: I have no memory. [00:36:38] Speaker B: But then when Walmart opened out by 95, they opened up another. They moved their location out to a new place out there. Gosh, I'm so close to remembering the name of the store. [00:36:51] Speaker A: Well, I'm sorry to be all this oddly specific information about Ormond Beach, Florida, listener, but if anybody knows what we're talking about, do drop us a line. Also, remember Grape Gourmet? Oh, that does ring a bell. [00:37:07] Speaker B: Right? The Grape and Gourmet or the Something Gourmet Grape or something like that. [00:37:10] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay, but remember, so Billy's Tap Room was a little tavern there on the corner. [00:37:18] Speaker B: Yep. And then there was a marionette place. [00:37:21] Speaker A: No. So next door. It was like an empty storefront and it had been a florist or something. And then one day it appeared as a secondhand shop and in the window [00:37:34] Speaker B: when Mr. Rogers puppets. [00:37:35] Speaker A: Yes, like a camera. An old vaginal camera. And what appeared to be the original Mr. Rogers puppets. X the owl and King Friday. Right, all of them. And it was there for literally like a week. And then it disappeared. It was like the Night Circus or something. [00:37:54] Speaker B: How did we not get it? [00:37:56] Speaker A: Because they were very expensive. They were like $700. [00:37:59] Speaker B: We were in college, we couldn't afford that. [00:38:01] Speaker A: But if they ever appear again, if they ever pop up mysteriously anywhere within my purview, I love it. Sure. [00:38:10] Speaker B: Like the Night Circus. No, I'm getting the name of the. Of the. Of the. It's like Something Gourmet. [00:38:20] Speaker A: I don't know. I'll do some research later. [00:38:22] Speaker B: It's okay. [00:38:24] Speaker A: All right, so they break up this robbery, throwing cans and merchandise all around the whole store. They defeat the crooks, knock them out [00:38:40] Speaker B: by knocking their heads into each other. [00:38:42] Speaker A: Knocking their heads into that classic snooze. [00:38:44] Speaker B: Yeah, but knocking them unconscious? I mean, that's probably some sort of traumatic brain injury. But it's okay. They're coming up. [00:38:50] Speaker A: Sure, sure, sure. Now, he's gonna turn the food thieves over to the police and then continue their patrol. And later, dawn tints the sky an angry red as the Batmobile streaks homeward. You know what they say. Red at night, sailors delight. Red in the morning, sailors take warning. [00:39:08] Speaker B: I just can't get. Robin says I just can't get out. Get Alfred out of my mind. [00:39:12] Speaker A: Batman. Where is he? [00:39:13] Speaker B: What? [00:39:14] Speaker A: What's he doing? He'd get in touch with us if he could. I'm beginning to fear the worst. Now, you'd think someone like Batman would have some kind of tracking device on those near and dear to him. Yeah. [00:39:29] Speaker B: The eyes of Alfred the butler are staring up at that same dawn sky miles away from the mansion where he serves as butler to millionaire Bruce Wayne. It seems like forever. Not just 20 hours since those hoods grabbed me off the sidewalk and into the big black limousine. I didn't realize that was taking place. Well, what was taking place? [00:39:48] Speaker A: Until I found myself a prisoner in this house face to face with their chieftain. Let's see, chieftain. How is he? You know, Alfred, I've been elected into the millionaire mobster club. Yeah. Me, Duke Kelsey. I finally stolen a million iron men. So I gotta give an invitation. Spread, see? [00:40:08] Speaker B: But I don't do things half hearted, see? If I'm a millionaire mobster, I gotta serve a millionaire's meal. [00:40:15] Speaker A: Get it? [00:40:15] Speaker B: So I had the boys bring you here. You work for a real millionaire, right? So start cooking up a millionaire's feast for me and my club members. [00:40:24] Speaker A: Indeed I shall, sir. Cooking up a special meal for this criminal is my only hope of saving myself from the fate that will surely be mine once that dinner is served. No clues were left by the men who grabbed me by which Batman and Robin could possibly trail me here. So it's up to me to supply them with clues. And I'll prepare a message main you and trust to their quick wits to fathom it. [00:40:48] Speaker B: God, he sounds so effeminate when you do it. [00:40:52] Speaker A: Fuck you. So he draws up the list of ingredients and sends Duke out to send his flunkies out to do the shopping. Yes, I'll send. But it ain't my nature to buy these things. I'll send my boys out to steal. [00:41:10] Speaker B: Great work, Alfred. No, sorry, that's the wrong voice. You do his voice, I'll do Alfred's voice. [00:41:15] Speaker A: Great work, Alfred. You'll be well taken care of when this is over. [00:41:18] Speaker B: Take care of me? Underworld jargon. For killing me. How? Well, I know that once I've seen the faces of the millionaire criminals, I won't be allowed to live to identify them in a court of law. [00:41:29] Speaker A: Here it is, Duke. Everything you wanted. Except for that appetizer stuff. [00:41:34] Speaker B: Yeah, Batman and Robin interrupted Monk and his gorillas while they was robbing the specialty stuff. What a shock. [00:41:41] Speaker A: Alfred thinks what? That what Monk was to steal was for the appetizer course was an integral part of my clue. Without it, Batman and Robin won't be able to find me and save me. [00:41:52] Speaker B: Later that same day, as Dick Grayson returns from school. [00:41:55] Speaker A: What keeps you glued to the newspaper, Bruce? [00:41:58] Speaker B: That's very odd, Dick, but a number of other food stores were robbed last night. In addition to the food robbery, we stopped. [00:42:05] Speaker A: Sure. It's funny how the underworld is so hungry all of a sudden. [00:42:08] Speaker B: I'm a bit hungry myself after reading the various items that were stolen. And as I read them, I kept thinking of Alfred. Whaaat? [00:42:16] Speaker A: That means you still haven't had any word from Alfred. [00:42:19] Speaker B: I'm not sure. That list of fancy foodstuffs that were stolen. You know how Alfred always manages to send us some sort of messages about his whereabouts. [00:42:28] Speaker A: But if Alfred's missing, who's gonna cook for me? Who's gonna make my bed? Who's gonna lay out my clothes in the morning? Who's gonna dress me up and button my shirt like a valet? [00:42:39] Speaker B: Shut up. Um, it's possible that this is his way of telling us where he is. A captive, perhaps A communication. Not to Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson, but to Batman and Robin. [00:42:52] Speaker A: Alfred always needs lots of fancy food to whip up his culinary concoctions for me. I'm a growing boy. I've gotta eat. Bruce, who's gonna cook for us? Can Wonder Woman shut up now? [00:43:08] Speaker B: Come along then. We've got a safe cracking job to do. [00:43:12] Speaker A: Bruce, I'm an orphan. I can't live with a food instability like this. What's gonna happen to me? Are we gonna die? Doordash won't be invented for 50 more years. [00:43:28] Speaker B: Wait, isn't there some aunt living with them? Aunt Harriet? [00:43:32] Speaker A: Yes, Aunt Harriet. [00:43:32] Speaker B: Can't she cook? [00:43:34] Speaker A: She's a wealthy woman. She doesn't cook. [00:43:36] Speaker B: Oh, I don't think. Well, let's go to the kitchen, shall we? [00:43:41] Speaker A: Yes. In the huge kitchen pantry, we learn that Alfred's private cupboard where he keeps his recipes and special herbs and spices behind lock and key. So they couldn't even hire another cook if they wanted to. Everything's locked up. [00:43:58] Speaker B: Yeah, well, do you think Alfred keeps all the food locked up? All the food? [00:44:05] Speaker A: Probably. [00:44:06] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:44:08] Speaker A: Well, maybe Aunt Harriet has degenerative brain disease or something, and she just wanders around, steals things and puts them in her room. [00:44:16] Speaker B: Like, moves the food around and the [00:44:17] Speaker A: spices and stuff and puts them in other places. Sure. [00:44:20] Speaker B: Has anyone seen that souffle I made last night? It's over here in the back of the toilet. [00:44:26] Speaker A: Great Scott. Where's my cardamom? [00:44:30] Speaker B: It's in my sock drawer. [00:44:34] Speaker A: Now, Bruce is gonna pick the lock here, and he wants to check the recipe files and check it against the foodstuffs that were stolen, which apparently was meticulously reported in the newspaper. The crooks stole two pints of fresh oysters, one can of Doritos cheese sauce, [00:45:00] Speaker B: three cans of maraschino cherries, one plat [00:45:05] Speaker A: of Alpo horse flavored dog food. That's a true thing. I'm old enough. I remember when there was horse flavor. Alpo horse flavor had a blue label on it. [00:45:14] Speaker B: Wow. [00:45:14] Speaker A: Yeah, I don't think my mother would refuse to buy it. So I don't think. Although we did feed our dogs Alpo. Yes, but never horse flavored Alpo dog food. [00:45:26] Speaker B: God. [00:45:28] Speaker A: All right, now they are feeling some guilt about breaking into Alfred's private safe in the kitchen. [00:45:37] Speaker B: What's it all about, Alfred? [00:45:44] Speaker A: Now, moments later, they spread out the recipes. They're going to go over every recipe that seems to apply, read out the ingredients that were stolen while I check them against these recipes. [00:45:53] Speaker B: That's some good old detective work there. [00:45:55] Speaker A: I'll say. [00:45:56] Speaker B: Soon we have them. Those crooks stole food items necessary to make two of Alfred's menu masterpieces. Beef Wellington and frozen souffle with hot strawberry sauce. Frozen souffle with hot strawberry sauce. [00:46:11] Speaker A: You're gonna have some disappointment coming up, my friend, because I thought exactly the same thing. So I looked it up, and here's the recipe. Half a gallon of vanilla ice cream. 12 almond macaroon cookies. 5 tablespoons Grand Marnier. 2 cups heavy cream half cup chopped toasted almonds Powdered sugar. Soften the ice cream slightly. Stir in the crumbled macaroons and Grand Marnier. Whip the cream until thick and shiny and fold into cream ice cream mixture. Spoon into an angel food cake pan. Sprinkle service lightly with almonds and powdered sugar. Cover with plastic wrap. Freeze until firm for four to five hours or overnight. Unmold onto cold platter and return to freezer until serving time. Then, just before serving, you take 1 quart fresh strawberries, cleaned, and halved half cup sugar and five tablespoons Grand Marnier. Put berries in the saucepan with sugar. Simmer until soft but not mushy. Remove from heat. Stir in Grand Marnier. Serve frozen souffle topped with the sauce. [00:47:11] Speaker B: Oh, my God. That sounds good. [00:47:12] Speaker A: I know. You want me to make it tonight? No, it's only 458 calories per serving. Beef Wellington, of course. We know how to make that. Yeah, that's easy squeezy. It only takes two days if you do it right. All right. The main course of dessert. But Alfred always serves an appetizer with his meals and. Oh, no, you don't suppose I do, Dick. [00:47:39] Speaker B: Ironically enough, Batman and Robin broke up that very robbery that was to have furnished them with the clues by that means of that very appetizer. [00:47:47] Speaker A: And without knowing what the appetizer is we can't complete Alfred's secret message. That is, if we aren't just making all this out out of thin air. [00:47:55] Speaker B: We're on the right track. All right. See here, Instead of that standard sherry which cooks use in preparing beef Wellington we have mention of a very special one Alfred always uses. This is as if he signed his name. [00:48:08] Speaker A: Now, where does beef Wellington lead to, I wonder? [00:48:10] Speaker B: Beef Wellington could be a tip off to where Alfred is. Wellington Park, a suburb north of Gotham City. While the strawberry souffle is the. As the dessert is the specialty of [00:48:22] Speaker A: the house at the 22 Club. That gives us the street number 22. But not the street in Wellington Park. [00:48:29] Speaker B: Afterwards, in the Batcave, Commissioner Gordon says the crooks we caught last night won't talk. [00:48:34] Speaker A: By catching those crooks, we may have doomed Alfred. [00:48:38] Speaker B: Boy, this Robin is just. [00:48:41] Speaker A: He's emotional. He's an orphan, as I say. And Alfred's. Honestly, Alfred's the closest thing he has to a father. Batman's always off on his millionaire things. [00:48:51] Speaker B: Yes. Fifteen minutes later in the specialty food shop. [00:48:55] Speaker A: Actually, in the comics nowadays, it turns out Alfred was a super millionaire. And he died and left all his money to Robin. Oh, yeah. [00:49:03] Speaker B: Yeah. The shopkeep says, sorry, Batman. The scattered canned goods have all been replaced. There's no way of knowing what those thieves intended of stealing. [00:49:11] Speaker A: There goes our last hope of learning that missing clue. Not so, Robin. [00:49:17] Speaker B: Last night, there was sawdust on the floor. That's so we cover our floor at night with a special sawdust that absorbs dirt and spilled foods. Then we sweep it up in the morning. What? [00:49:28] Speaker A: Okay, just mop at the end of the shift. [00:49:31] Speaker B: I know. I was thinking the same thing. Who puts sawdust on the floor. At the end of the day, it's a specialty foods shop. It's not like a [00:49:42] Speaker A: Kmart. [00:49:43] Speaker B: Yeah, right, a specialty food shop. [00:49:48] Speaker A: Yes, yes. Oh, you'd never find the food halls at Harrods. Sprinkling sawdust on the floor, slipping around [00:49:57] Speaker B: and some sawdust falling on your head, you know? Well, anyway, he says, Batman says, where are those sweepings? [00:50:04] Speaker A: Where are the sweepings? [00:50:07] Speaker B: Right. So they go out back into the [00:50:10] Speaker A: alleyway where the sweepings from last night are, and dig. Start digging through the old garbage and old food. [00:50:16] Speaker B: It's detective work where they find the shopping list. [00:50:20] Speaker A: Yes. [00:50:23] Speaker C: So [00:50:25] Speaker A: let's look at the ingredients. I don't need a recipe file to know the ingredients for oysters douchess. When I see it, I suppose it's oysters Douchess. Or Dutchess Duchess. Duchess with an e. That's one of Alfred's gourmet appetizers. Now, if only there's an oyster or duchess treatment in Wellington Park. So they unfold the giant road atlas, which they keep at the glove compartment of the Batmobile. [00:50:53] Speaker B: That's what we used to do. [00:50:54] Speaker A: Well, I know we're still on the beam, Batman. There's no Oyster street, but there is a Dutchess Road in Wellington Park. 22 Dutchess Road, Alfred. [00:51:03] Speaker C: Oh, boy. [00:51:04] Speaker B: You'd better be there in half an hour. [00:51:07] Speaker A: That's a faraway suburb. [00:51:09] Speaker B: It sure is. They get to the place and Batman and Robin break in. [00:51:13] Speaker A: Alfred is just serving dinner. It's the master and young Dick. Why did I ever underestimate their ability to find me? Even though missing an essential clue, the feast is over. [00:51:27] Speaker B: It's now time for the famine. Robin pulls the tablecloth off and, of course, dinner is disrupted. And then all sorts of hijinks ensue. [00:51:37] Speaker A: Yes. Alfred dumps the hot strawberry sauce on the head of one of these criminals. [00:51:42] Speaker B: Yes. And then Batman and Robin are both going about their fisticuffs and Alfred is continuing to smash plates of food in people's faces. Yes, which is a rather unceremonious way to be taken down. [00:51:53] Speaker A: Listen to this. Don't worry about it, Alfred. They're getting their just desserts. Nice one, Robin. [00:52:01] Speaker B: Nice one. Yeah, yeah. So Alfred says, I'd better phone the police. They want to investigate the conditions under which these malefactors accumulated their million dollars. [00:52:13] Speaker A: The following evening in stately Wayne Mansion, here's Aunt Harriet. [00:52:18] Speaker B: I can't understand why Batman and Robin aren't here to celebrate your safe return, Alfred. [00:52:24] Speaker A: Er, Batman and Robin wanted to be here, Aunt Harriet. But urgent circumstances must have prevented their joining us. However, let me assure you that Batman and Robin are here in spirit. Wink. I forgot to tell you the recipe for oysters Duchess. [00:52:45] Speaker B: Oh, please do. It's an appetizer. [00:52:47] Speaker A: Yes, It's a classic French seafood dish featuring poached or warm buttered oysters served in their own shells on a piped border of creamy Duchess potatoes, which are mashed potatoes mixed with egg yolks and butter, often browned with a rich bechamel or mornay sauce. [00:53:04] Speaker B: The. [00:53:04] Speaker A: That's an awfully rich appetizer to follow up with. Beef Wellington. [00:53:10] Speaker B: Well, I don't think you'd have too many of them. Not like you and I. I would. Chocolate. [00:53:15] Speaker A: I'd eat a whole platter of it. [00:53:17] Speaker B: Half a dozen. [00:53:17] Speaker A: And then I'd dig into that beef Wellington. I should make beef Wellington soon. [00:53:24] Speaker B: Well, maybe when it cools down a little bit. [00:53:25] Speaker A: Or maybe when we start importing all this foreign beef into the country. [00:53:29] Speaker B: Good Lord. [00:53:30] Speaker A: The ground beef at the grocery the other day was $12 a pound for ground beef. And it looked. It was not beautiful red ground beef. It was gray. [00:53:42] Speaker B: All the Canadian tariffs. We're gonna. [00:53:45] Speaker A: Yeah, Canada's gonna. [00:53:47] Speaker B: Oh, God. [00:53:49] Speaker A: Well, what do we buy from Canada? Maple syrup? [00:53:52] Speaker B: Probably building materials. [00:53:54] Speaker A: Oh, well, I'm not building anything. All I care about is the cost of food. [00:54:00] Speaker B: You know, our. Our fuel costs are up 15 over last year. I know that because I've been looking up and running our budgets. You know. [00:54:07] Speaker A: Sure. [00:54:08] Speaker B: Every. And coffee. We like to buy don't get lazy coffee and cannot afford it anymore. [00:54:17] Speaker A: Well, don't worry. I have all those vintage cookbooks from the Depression. We can cut in some chicory or something. Oh, we'll make it work. [00:54:25] Speaker B: I know. [00:54:26] Speaker A: You can find us on social media at GoGoCheckPod. You can rate and review us wherever you get your podcasts. You can find us on our sister podcast, Nerd Orchestra. And you can find us right back here next week with what? Doom Patrol. [00:54:43] Speaker B: Really? [00:54:43] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, wow. [00:54:45] Speaker B: It's been so long since we've had a Doom Patrol stream. [00:54:47] Speaker A: I know. That's because it's published bimonthly. So long stretch in between episodes when we cover. [00:54:52] Speaker B: I'm very excited for this. [00:54:53] Speaker A: I'm so glad. [00:54:54] Speaker B: Yes. [00:54:55] Speaker A: Excited for them all screaming at each other and arguing and. [00:54:58] Speaker B: Oh, that's right, they do, don't they? They just yell at each other. [00:55:00] Speaker A: They do. Not as bad as the Challengers of the Unknown, but. [00:55:02] Speaker B: Or the Metalman. [00:55:04] Speaker A: Oh, the Metalman. Please don't get me started. [00:55:07] Speaker B: Yeah, you got to wear earplugs when you read that. [00:55:08] Speaker A: Thank you. By. And wondering why so we're kicking out the hands of looking for giving you a chance to look inside your mind you be thr up misery out the way it used to be looking at you like leaving it all behind.